How many of you have had "The Discussion"

moongirl · Feb 19, 2007

My husband and I have wills and living wills, same for my parents. My parents have also given me power of attorney. We are prepared!

Batman24 · Feb 19, 2007

I am not prepared and should be. I wanted to do something when Terri Schiavo died and never did. This is a good reminder to get my heinie in gear. It's something that we all should do to protect ourselves, but it's so sad to do that we put it off. We really shouldn't.

I do have POA over my mother should the need ever arise.

DutchgirlRN, ASN, RN · Feb 19, 2007

I have made my wishes clear to dh and his to me. My parents have told me what they want and are leaving things up to me to decide for them when the time comes. I got some living will info just the other day and was thinking about filling them out. I know there's a form you can buy

"5 wishes", I think that's what it's called. It's supposed to be clear and simple to do.

Here it is, I found it: http://www.agingwithdignity.org/5wishes.html

Sisukas · Feb 19, 2007

Downloaded mine off of our intranet at work, filled it out, gave it to my husband, and told my family that if they EVER interfere with his actions based on my AD (not that they would...they love him) I will haunt them and it will not be fun for them at all.

**canoehead, BSN, RN** · Feb 19, 2007

I have but my Dad said he will not let me go (as I requested), so I'll have to put it in writing.

mayberry · Feb 19, 2007

What I find the most frustrating is when the designated decision maker and/or the family/friends decide that they know better than what the patient has expressed a wish to have or not have done to them. And don't ya know the patient is headed for less than positive outcomes. I'd like to see more education not just for the patients but for the decision maker and families.

TazziRN, RN · Feb 19, 2007

My parents, MIL, and I all have one. Can't get DH to sign one but I know what his wishes are. I need to get my oldest to sign one, now that he's over 18.

llg, PhD, RN · Feb 19, 2007

I don't have the documents in place, but my family has always openly discussed these things. When my parents died, there were no problems. Also, as my siblings will inherit everything I have, I am sure they will be racing to see who can pull the plug first -- at least that's what we always joke about.

Cattitude · Feb 19, 2007

what i find the most frustrating is when the designated decision maker and/or the family/friends decide that they know better than what the patient has expressed a wish to have or not have done to them. and don't ya know the patient is headed for less than positive outcomes. i'd like to see more education not just for the patients but for the decision maker and families.

this is a big problem i have with hcp's in general. i do trust in my family to make the right decisons, the ones i would have made. but i have seen some horrendous ones.

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[color=#483d8b]one case in particular stands out. i had a guy who did not want to be a dnr. he also did not want his brother as his proxy. he knew his brother would not honor his wishes if the time ever came so to speak. so, one day during a visit, this guy is looking really, really bad but refusing 911. hr and bp not too good, i call the dr. who convinces the pt. to at least go see him. pt. goes to the dr. and codes at the dr's office. the md's is right next to the hospital so code team is able to get there they intubate and get him back, transfer to icu.

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[color=#483d8b]so now he's on a vent and things are not looking hopeful. md calls his proxy who is a good friend of pt. and knows his wishes. but, friend chokes and states "i can't do this, please defer all decisions to his brother". so they call the brother. remember, pt. did not want this. the brother wants to turn off the vent. of course this has to go through the ethics comittee, not going to happen in a day, but brother is pushing, nice guy right?

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[color=#483d8b]ok, so everything on hold for the rest of the day, pt. still in icu, i plan on going the next day to say my goodbyes. i arrive the next day, walk in the room and pt. is awake and alert!!! yep, he made a recovery. they extubated the next day and he went home a few days after that. thank goodness his brother didn't get what he wanted.

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Calgon-take.me.away · Feb 19, 2007

Have had the discussion with my father, and know his wishes. Had had the unpleasant experience of watching vent dependant, unresponsive, tube fed, patients for too many years. I, myself, have DNR tatooed across my chest. If families could see the inhumane sight of having CPR done on a 94 year old patient, when you do compressions you go straight to the floor, and the feeling of having ribs and sternum crush beneath your hands, do you ever get over that feeling? I never have myself.

I lost my first husband just over a year ago, he was 46, to complications that arose after hip replacement surgery. He did have advance directions, thank goodness, so no regrets, since we followed his wishes.

My children, my present husband all know my wishes and I know his. The day that I cannot eat cheesecake and lasagne, it is time for me to go and reunite with my heavenly father

nuangel1, BSN, RN · Feb 19, 2007

when my grandmother was sick at 89 mom and i talked agreed on DNR and my granmother died peacefully in her sleep .no regrets.my dad died suddenly day before d/c postop arrested in middle of night coded but they couldn't get him back he was 69.i have always made my wishes clear to my mom and sister that i do not want to live if i can't breathe on own eat on own or make my own decisions. i don't want to live on a vent but i need to update my healthcare proxy and poa now that my mom has dementia.i am my moms poa .and she has a hcp.