How do I get along with my coworkers? new grad

[allthesmallthings]

I'm six months into my first job, and I'm still iffy with my coworkers, two women who work with me every night.

They get along great with each other, but they've never really warmed to me. I took offense to their indifference, thinking it was rude that they would chat with each other at the station all night and only occasionally ask me a question, or would order take-out food without asking me if I wanted to place an order; things like that that I grew up learning were rude.

Now, they'll sometimes say things like, "You should know that," or "That's just common sense." I get mad, and I want to say something back instead of being railroaded; I mean, why do they get to say such things and I'm just supposed to be quiet? Why are they allowed to be crabby if they want and I'm not? But then, instead of being assertive, my words just come out offending them. But if I don't say anything, then resentment just builds up in me.

It's like our communication is divided into either ignoring me, or we're ruffling each other's feathers.

Today, they got called into a meeting with the head nurse (which means they got yelled at for something), and a critical value got called in on one of their patients while I was at the nursing station. I thought the responsible thing to do was to call it in to the doctor myself, so I did, and took orders. When the nurse came out of the meeting, I immediately told her, but both of them lit into me, saying that I should have interrupted the meeting and told the nurse so that she could handle it. I was offended; because even if I should have done that, wasn't it obvious to a blind snail that I was just trying to help? I replied sarcastically (couldn't help it), "You're welcome," whereupon they just got madder, saying, "When you get into trouble for something like this, don't expect us to help you."

I know that a lot of nursing is getting on with coworkers; I don't want to lose my job, whether or not they're right or wrong. My charge nurse, who at least is sympathetic, told me I need to work more on my relationship with them, and I agreed. But how do I walk the line between getting ignored/screwed, and offending my coworkers, who, one way or another, I have to work with?

One of my friends advises "Killing them with kindness," which I guess is a good idea.

[Sweetie2005]

ah.....the joys of being the new grad. Some nurses just eat their young no matter what you do. Just use the knowledge you have and be confident in how you handle a situation. If you're following a policy, good for you.

[NanikRN]

do you think they might respond to an open discussion?

not a confrontation but a genuine " i'm not sure how but i seem to have started things out on the wrong foot---what kind of things can i do to resolve this or how can i approach things differently? i'd really like it to be different and i'm willing to do what i need to so that can happen."

then listen. don't justify your actions. listen and clarify what they're saying.

"i think i understand. in the future you would like me to find you where ever you are and give your critical lab values. is that right? "

i would bring in snacks/food occasionally to share without any expectation of them returning the favor. and be willing to accept without offense if they ignore it. but i'd try hard to make it something they'd find difficult to ignore.

and if they called out for food--i might(depending on how the night is going) make a wistful comment about how yummy the food smells. maybe next time they could please let you order as well?

about the skills--should you already know the tasks/info they're making comments about? is it just common sense? do a honest evaluation of yourself.

no, it's not fair for you to make all the effort. after all, relationships are a two way street. but this isn't about fair and someone has to be willing to give if your situation is to change. they expect you to, and in my opinion, you'd be wise to be the flexible one.

these two women could make your life absolute hell at work if they chose.

trust me on this.

[vegas2009]

Find out what they do for fun. You can bring it up casually in a conversation. Say something funny but not insulting to any of them. For instance, one of them likes to drink margaritas -- well, there you go... that's an open door right? Maybe one of them just likes to chill and watch her favorite show/sports/movies? Maybe you can get her to watch a movie with ya. You know simple stuff like that. They'll realize (eventually) that you don't mind their company and they won't be uptight around ya. If they're still 'Witches' after that, then it's time to BAIL. Know your stuff very well and don't count on them for anything. Watch your back.

Make sure you are more detail-oriented than they are. So, that, if they try to get you into trouble, you're one step ahead of them. It doesn't hurt to keep a journal every day you work, so that you'll recall what happened that day. It's not paranoid, you're just trying to look out for yourself. Some people are just born 'evil' and it takes too much work to try to change them.

[MJB2010]

Ugh, just wanted to say I feel for you, sounds like a miserable work environment. My job is similar it is like a pack of mean girls and a few of us that don't hang out with them. I think you should just keep to your work at work, stand up for yourself (like you did) when you need to, and keep your friends outside of work. Why would you want to be friends with those shrews anyway. Hopefully there will be another newbie soon, and you can treat them better than you were treated. Don't get me wrong it owuld be nice to be civil with these other 2, but I wouldnt want to be friends. They dont seem like people you can count on or trust, and if push comes to shove, guess who will end up thrown under the bus?

[blondieRN5]

If it's been six months and your relationship is still "iffy" with your coworkers, I'd say start looking for a new job or try to switch to another shift. All the advice you are getting is great, but you shouldn't have to work that hard! Part of nursing is acting as a team and your coworkers clearly want you left on the bench! Good luck!

[ghillbert, MSN, NP]

Man, I wouldn't be sucking up to these witches. I would stand my ground and just say "listen, it should be clear that I was trying to help, but in future I will just let you know and you can handle it yourself".

You don't need them to like you or vice versa, you just need to work with them. You sound a little whiny about them ordering food without asking you etc. Rude? Maybe...so what? Maybe they are rude or were brought up differently. Don't worry about it, and order your own food.

I would not act weak or suck up because bullies just feed off that.

[yoshiki56]

As i read your post, i feel they have already decided they don't like you no matter what. They are good with them two to cover their own back, do not want you to be part of them.

Six months is a long time to work in a place and not getting accepted by your co-workers. It's time to start looking a new place to work?

[pn5437]

wow im reading this post and its like i was the one that wrote it! Now i know im not the only one who has problems like this. I have a similiar situation at work, where no matter what I do, I'm constantly being bossed around and just treated like a total idiot. And if i say something to defend myself, they get really offended and then it turns into me being the bad guy. Sometimes i try to tell myself tht I should just let them say what the want and ignore it, but i know that that will end up with me blowing up down the road and things getting really ugly. I dont know how to handle people like this either

[shoegalRN, RN]

Personally, I wouldnt try to be friendly with these two, just be cordial and professional and leave it at that.

You have tried, and they have made it clear they do NOT want to befriend you. Let them be. Speak to them only when it pretains to work related things. So what if they don't offer to order food for you. Bring your own food or order out with other co-workers.

At least you know where you stand with them, therefore, you don't have to worry about them being nice to your face and bad talking you behind your back. Just be professional and accept that's all you are gonna get out of them.

Make friends with other co-workers and let the mean girls be. If it get too bad where it's affecting patient care or your work environment, have a sit down with management. If it's not affecting patient care, just keep it professional and move on. You will not get along with everyone you work with on a personal level, but you can be professional.

[WIN007]

If it's been six months and your relationship is still "iffy" with your coworkers, I'd say start looking for a new job or try to switch to another shift. All the advice you are getting is great, but you shouldn't have to work that hard! Part of nursing is acting as a team and your coworkers clearly want you left on the bench! Good luck!

I agree with you as for her sake it's likely the only path to peace though it really burns me. Why should she have to leave? She's not the one creating a hostile environment for someone else. How many others have left because of these two jokers. What is the cost to the organization?

No, they don't have to be best friends with her, and by all means they should eat however they want, but being civil and professional should not be optional.

I don't see as how she needs to do any 'self-evaluation of her skills' - if they are lacking I presume there's a manager to tell her. Nor do I think she should try bribing them with food and bending over backwards to kiss tail. That doesn't work anyway. It just makes them feel empowered and proceed to behave even worse to my experience.

The clinical manager is sympathetic? not good enough. this behavior needs to be nipped in the bud with the fear of peoples jobs if necessary.

[diane227, LPN, RN]

Listen to what people tell you. Try to just observe behavior and interactions. Be on time and prepared. Don't get to friendly with people until you get to know them. Sometimes the most friendly ones are the most dangerous. Eyes and ears open. Be friendly but DON'T disclose any of your personal life to anyone unless you want it go get around the entire unit.