How to deal with energy parasites?

[CaffeinePOQ4HPRN]

What are some strategies that you currently employ in your daily life (or strategies that have worked for you in the past) to help you decompress from dealing with energy parasites and/or (although, probably mutually exclusive) exceptionally high-needs personalities… This comes after setting up firm boundaries have not worked, and your personal ethics/boundaries are constantly being pushed against and not respected. What are some coping strategies when you're unable to reason with, and unable avoid these energy parasite personalities in your day-to-day?

Thanks in advance 

[MrNurse(x2), ADN]

I have very few instances where the workplace has stressed me, despite working with numerous negative personalities. I read The Hiding Place by Corrie TenBoom, the story of a women sent to a Nazi concentration camp and watched her sister die. She was thankful for the fleas in the dorm because they kept the guards out and kept them from being raped. You know what? If she can be thankful for fleas, nothing should bother me. Life really is about attitude, not the people around you. They only have power if you allow them to.

[AutumnApple]

I went to my doctor and said "It hurts when I do this."

She said "Don't do this."

You're telling me you feel your boundaries are being violated when you spend time with this person, and they drain your energy. I say stop spending time around them. If removing them from your daily routine isn't possible because it's at a job or something............report them and make it clear to HR you consider what they are doing harassment.

Nothing, absolutely nothing, is more effective for affecting a person than natural consequences.

Don't enable the behavior.

You said you gave being "the bigger person" a try and it did not work. The natural consequence of the behaviors you are describing is: This person is going to be very lonely.

Don't spend time with them if they're that draining. It doesn't need to be any more complicated than that. It really is that simple.

[FolksBtrippin, BSN, RN]

A patient's excessive neediness I can deal with because I know and take comfort in the fact the therapeutic-relationship will (thank the heavens) end at some point. For excessively "needy" patients I will usually excuse myself or on the rare occasion I feel like I'm boiling over I will ask a colleague to answer the ever-ringing call-bell. LOL.

Sorry, I should have been more clear. What I meant was more how to deal with energy parasites in personal and professional scenarios (ex. friends, families, colleagues). Self-care strategies? Deflection techniques? Decompression techniques when you feel drained, upset, and angry? I feel like my boundaries are a series of brick walls that I am holding up, and I am constantly being bombarded to the point where the most common communications I have are of me just saying No repeatedly. It's becoming annoying.... is this just adult life? It's making me irritable and wishing I could afford to be a hermit.

Thanks again.

It sounds like all the avoiding and boundary holding is getting exhausting. Maybe try a different approach. One that isn't such a struggle.

I would give a suggestion of a new approach but I'm not sure exactly what you are struggling with. What specifically do you find draining in your personal communications? Do you find that people are asking you to do too many things for them? Are these demands of an emotional nature? Do you feel like they want your advice? A specific example would help elucidate what you are going through.

[TriciaJ, RN]

Boundaries DO work, but you have to be the one maintaining them. The Energy Black Holes won't respect them for you. When you turn down a request, do you provide a valid reason for doing so? Bad idea. You just provide fodder for an argument. You cannot reason with these people; they just keep badgering until they wear you down. Forget gaining their cooperation and take care of yourself.

Repeat after me: "Sorry, that's not something I do." "Nope, that won't be happening." "I believe we've had that conversation." "Yes, I am a bytch. Pass it on."

Quit caring what they think and say and it gets easier. Pretty soon you won't have to hide from them; they'll find someone else to drain.

[djh123]

I think of 'em more as 'time parasites'. I always have 1-3 residents like that ... another way to think of it is a time vacuum.

[hppygr8ful, ASN, RN, EMT-I]

I find that maintaining a persistently positive mental attitude works all the time - It boosts my endorphin level and actually serves to repel Negative Nancy's as gets a smile even from the worst patient or family member.

Hppy

[Libby1987]

A patient's excessive neediness I can deal with because I know and take comfort in the fact the therapeutic-relationship will (thank the heavens) end at some point. For excessively "needy" patients I will usually excuse myself or on the rare occasion I feel like I'm boiling over I will ask a colleague to answer the ever-ringing call-bell. LOL.

Sorry, I should have been more clear. What I meant was more how to deal with energy parasites in personal and professional scenarios (ex. friends, families, colleagues). Self-care strategies? Deflection techniques? Decompression techniques when you feel drained, upset, and angry? I feel like my boundaries are a series of brick walls that I am holding up, and I am constantly being bombarded to the point where the most common communications I have are of me just saying No repeatedly. It's becoming annoying.... is this just adult life? It's making me irritable and wishing I could afford to be a hermit.

Thanks again.

Deflection? Redirect the conversation. Give them a complicated math question sort of thing or some undesirable task. Teach them to want to avoid you as interactions with you comsistently result in too much of their own energy expenditure.