How do you deal with backstabbing

Nurses General Nursing

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How do you deal with the nasty comments, nit picking, back stabbing tattle tales at your facility?

I try to leave the area immediately when people are talking badly about others. I usually say something like "Oh I better go check on Mr. Brown right now" or I sometimes don't say anything and just get up and start doing other work activites away from the nurses desk. :o

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I think the best way to combat the drama is to completely stay out of it from the beginning. If you are involved in it once, you'll be involved in it every time.

*Don't complain about others or talk behind people's backs.

*Treat others respectfully

*Try to put a positive spin on things

*Let others know in no uncertain terms (but nicely) that gossip, etc, does not interest you and that you would like a chance to form your own opinion.

If for example, (and this is a rather elementary scenario) a nurse leaves you in a situation that you have to 'clean up' so to speak (and I think we've all been there), rather than complain about it to others, I've found it is best to go directly to that nurse and discuss it with them respectfully and letting them understand the situation you were put in (or whatever). Approach them as you would like to be approached and treat them as you would want to be treated. You might find out that there was a perfectly reasonable explanation. This is one way in which can show that you expect to be treated with respect and directly.

You can be a leader among your peers without being in management.

Leaving the area when people start to talk trash can be effective for the moment but it won't change the atmosphere of the unit. Of course you can't change other people but I like to think that we can have some impact (Peer Pressure can work both ways!) I like the direct approach. Letting people know upfront what is acceptable conversation, by how I conduct myself and how I respond to what they say.

However, this might be difficult if you are the new one on the unit with a group of people who have been there forever. In that case, yeah, I'd just leave the area and start doing other things, especially until you've been there long enough to feel comfortable. One thing I have heard others say when in that situation, is that they feel that they have to join in with 'them' or else they will be the one everyone is talking about. That is a mistake. Because once you are involved in it once... you will always be dragged into it.

And it is so easy to be involved in it! Just one bad day when you are tired, cranky and had it up to here with being a nurse....and the next thing you know you have to keep yourself in check (I'm actually thinking about myself!) to keep yourself from saying something that gets you involved!

Good luck! It can be done! I really believe that.

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Specializes in ICU, CM, Geriatrics, Management.

(Oooops... double post.)

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Specializes in ICU, CM, Geriatrics, Management.
I didn't say ALL, I said most...

FWIW, my general experience has been the same.

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Specializes in 5 yrs OR, ASU Pre-Op 2 yr. ER.

Gender stereotyping solves nothing (refering to a post refering to some in a gender as "petty" on the Page 1).

To answer the OP's question: i just figure that their lives must lack any excitement, and chalk it up to their own stupidity and boredom. And i don't feed into it. Too busy to do that, anyway.

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In my facility backstabbers get promoted to administration. :rotfl:

There is a good article about this in the March issue of Nursing 2005.

If backstabbing is rampant look for a new position quickly. No one can survive, much less thrive in a toxic workplace. You should be able to go to work and do your job not dodge daggers every shift.

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I worked for a large company that was strife with rumors and gossip. They implemented a policy of "no back-talking." If you had something to say, you had to be willing to say it in front of the other person - or forget it. (This obviously didn't apply to HR issues covered by confidentiality.)

I was amazed at how widely embraced this became and the employees were almost relieved; it was as if they needed an excuse not to gossip. -- people would catch themselves gossiping and stop "Oh, that is 'back talking.' Let's change the subject."

It was a pleasant surprise to me to see the backbiting decrease, complaints decrease and when there was a complaint, often times solutions were offered by all involved w/ the problem. My role as a manager was to listen, offer feedback and usually give a stamp of approval as opposed to playing referee to petty arguements. (Which I refused to do anyway.)

I was honestly skeptical that this worked. I mean, a policy, in essence preventing gossip? Put that way, I don't think it would have worked.

Yes, there were some that would try to "engage" others and they were usually met w/ a curt "I don't back talk."

Also, team work was strongly encouraged and rewarded. Great incentives to work together and get along, at least professionally.

So, there is my story of one success at least.

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I think the best way to avoid it all as LPNtoBSNstudent mentioned, is to stay out of it from the beginning. I'll tell you what worked for me. Way back when I was still pretty new to this career, I was one of those gossipy, backstabbing people. One evening we had another nurse float to our unit and when she came into the breakroom to have dinner with us I was in the middle of talking about another nurse. She said to me, "Gossiping about other peoples' business is extremely rude and while I'm here, I ask you to refrain from it all." Well, I was so embarrassed :imbar that I really didn't know what to say except, "I'm sorry I offended you." That was a wake up call for me as to how rude I must have really sounded. I just needed someone to make me aware of the fact and embarrassing me was a real good way. I've never done it again in all my years as an LPN. So calling someone out on it in public and embarrassing them alittle just might do the trick. I just wonder what they said when she and I left the breakroom. :chuckle

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shopgal, isn't that a bit of stereotyping, presuming women are more petty than men?

Tweety, I work with all women, and it's very true!

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I try not to give them ammunition

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Originally Posted by Tweety

shopgal, isn't that a bit of stereotyping, presuming women are more petty than men?

Tweety,

I think you are right. I work in a position a couple times a week where I am all over every floor in the hospital. It's not a gender thing, it's an ego thing. Women and men have them. Some wake up wondering how they are going to bolster THEIR ego, some wake up wondering how they are going to make a difference in someone ELSES. This meaning the people we are all working for, the patients.

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Talking about other people is one of the lowest forms of communication. I try to remind myself of this fact when I've been tempted to join in w/the backstabbers. I usually try to ignore them or say something positive. When that hasn't worked I avoid these negative people that only bring down morale. If you refuse to engage they will eventually shut up, since they like reassurance of their negative, cynical views to reinforce their lagging self-worth. Fortunately, there's very little of that counterproductive behavior where I work now and we are usually too busy to have time for chitchat, esp. about other workers.

How do you deal with the nasty comments, nit picking, back stabbing tattle tales at your facility?
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