Hernia Repair Patient Dignity

Updated:   Published

Since my husband just had hernia surgery, I have been looking into patient dignity.   He went to a male Dr for the surgery.  When he went into the ACC it was all females.   Since we are in Covid restrictions still, I couldn’t go in with him.  He was very uncomfortable with all the females and thought the attitude of I’ve seen thousands of memberes was totally Unprofessional. He felt that while they did their “jobs” they didn’t care how uncomfortable they made him.  Believe it or not males do not want to expose themselves to you.  Just because some of you don’t care who sees what, others do.  You are so correct about the double standards that females wouldn’t put up with that but males have to.  Ladies,  think about how off putting you are to your male pts when you make those comments.  Males also tend to hide their emotions. But, you bet your butt if I was allowed in and saw how uncomfortable he was I would have said something.  He was already nervous and alone and just wanted to get it over. 

Secondly, @NICU Guy, with the position I'm in right now I am frequently having men disrobe to varying degrees. Here's my approach: I explain the process and rationales, answer questions if they have them. I give them two items which are designed to be used to keep themselves covered. I briefly explain how these are worn/what they are used for. Ask again if there are any questions. Pull the curtain and exit the room to allow full privacy.

Usually I come back and the cover-ups are right where I left them and the guy is sitting in full glory like king of the world. I have had ONE gentleman use these items.

I do the process EVERY time, because I do know that there are people out there for whom it is important and they are my patients that I care about as well.

So I will thank you to save your sarcastic "gotcha" remarks. I've been very consistent in this discussion and have only insisted that people aren't wildly mischaracterized. It's one thing to say that people didn't respect someone's modesty to the extent that they could have--it's an entirely different thing to claim that they were running in and out to get their eyes on this guy's junk for their own entertainment. You know as well as I do that is extremely unlikely and that there is a MUCH better explanation.

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2 hours ago, JKL33 said:

Secondly, @NICU Guy, with the position I'm in right now I am frequently having men disrobe to varying degrees. Here's my approach: I explain the process and rationales, answer questions if they have them. I give them two items which are designed to be used to keep themselves covered. I briefly explain how these are worn/what they are used for. Ask again if there are any questions. Pull the curtain and exit the room to allow full privacy.

Usually I come back and the cover-ups are right where I left them and the guy is sitting in full glory like king of the world. I have had ONE gentleman use these items.

I do the process EVERY time, because I do know that there are people out there for whom it is important and they are my patients that I care about as well.

So I will thank you to save your sarcastic "gotcha" remarks. I've been very consistent in this discussion and have only insisted that people aren't wildly mischaracterized. It's one thing to say that people didn't respect someone's modesty to the extent that they could have--it's an entirely different thing to claim that they were running in and out to get their eyes on this guy's junk for their own entertainment. You know as well as I do that is extremely unlikely and that there is a MUCH better explanation.

This is what you do. Are you the exception or the norm?  You gave your pts the choice, they decided they didn’t need it.  How many others aren’t given the choice but would have liked one? or even know it’s an option? You know what questions to ask. How many non healthcare professionals would know to ask if they can be covered in a little? My husband didn’t.  How many females are immediately partial covered without having to ask?

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1 minute ago, Catfostermom said:

This is what you do. Are you the exception or the norm?  You gave your pts the choice, they decided they didn’t need it.  How many others aren’t given the choice but would have liked one? or even know it’s an option? You know what questions to ask. How many non healthcare professionals would know to ask if they can be covered in a little? My husband didn’t. 

Understood. And I *am* sorry that he experienced this. But you will get a lot further if you present the situation with enough emotional neutrality to keep yourself from crossing into inappropriate accusations.

You've got to understand that the fact that something went wrong doesn't dictate any particular why. It doesn't explain anyone's intentions. You actually aren't free to assume the absolute worst reason that something went wrong and pretend that is why it went wrong. That's where you go from being right to being at least partially wrong.

If a business somehow loses my order after I have already paid for something, for example, it would be neither factually correct nor morally appropriate to accuse the employees of having set out to rob me and steal my goods. I will do far better to simply state "I paid for my order and have not received it." Can you understand the difference?

Making the type of accusations you are making is completely unnecessary. Believe me, if you just keep your cool and tell the facility representative that your husband's modesty was not treated with due regard and that he felt very uncomfortable, people will care. 

 

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18 minutes ago, JKL33 said:

Understood. And I *am* sorry that he experienced this. But you will get a lot further if you present the situation with enough emotional neutrality to keep yourself from crossing into inappropriate accusations.

You've got to understand that the fact that something went wrong doesn't dictate any particular why. It doesn't explain anyone's intentions. You actually aren't free to assume the absolute worst reason that something went wrong and pretend that is why it went wrong. That's where you go from being right to being at least partially wrong.

If a business somehow loses my order after I have already paid for something, for example, it would be neither factually correct nor morally appropriate to accuse the employees of having set out to rob me and steal my goods. I will do far better to simply state "I paid for my order and have not received it." Can you understand the difference?

Making the type of accusations you are making is completely unnecessary. Believe me, if you just keep your cool and tell the facility representative that your husband's modesty was not treated with due regard and that he felt very uncomfortable, people will care. 

 

Never once did I say that he thought it was sexual.  His complaint was that he was exposed to different nurses and he felt the attitude towards him was we’ve seen many, you don’t have anything special.  He was getting more and more uncomfortable with so many different nurses.  ESP when he was told he’d have 1 nurse assigned to him. If it was only the one nurse chances are he wouldn’t have had a problem.   This is about male modesty and him being uncomfortable about the circumstances.  Things could have been dealt with differently.  If cupping himself wasn’t a clue then him saying this isn’t a spectator sport wasn’t a clue I don’t know what is.  My husband hides his emotions, just like many many other guys.  But, you can certainly tell if he is OK with what is going on or not, whether you’ve know him for 21 yrs or 10 min. He can’t hide facial expression even under a mask or the tenseness of his body. If he was offered the choice of partial covering and he didn’t accept it then that’s on him. Not being offered anything that’s on the nurses.  

 

I wrote an anonymous email to the nurse manager asking exactly what the exposure protocols were during hernia surgery.  Of course the reply was the exact opposite of what my husband encountered.  All promising they treat the patients with the utmost dignity and ensure their modesty concerns are met.  Now to schedule the in person meeting. 

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37 minutes ago, Catfostermom said:

How many non healthcare professionals would know to ask if they can be covered in a little? My husband didn’t.  How many females are immediately partial covered without having to ask?

The thing is and I know coming on here and expressing your upset may be a way for you to get closure.  But remember 99.9% of the folks on here would not purposely embarrass and try their best to protect patient dignity.  You have come upon an institution that a member of their staff is not respecting their patient. From personal experience, there are a few who have no compassion for the fact that the patient is embarrassed.  But speak up.  In this situation yes she should have realized he was embarrassed and covered him as much as possible.   As I have stated before there are some facilities that I have found their nurses not respectful and I just will not use those facilities again if at all possible. You have to contact that facility and realize you may never know what the outcome is.  

For future reference talk respectfully with the nursing staff request that they provide scrub pants, tear away shorts, and take it upon yourself to do such things as when going for a ct scan you wear clothing that does not contain metal....yoga pants, sports bras...which will help preserve your dignity.  For male or female patients take your own gown to wear during physicals, if you find the little sheets they provide do not give you the coverage take your own.  Talk with your doctor and nurse about how you feel and that you want better coverage and if they can provide it they usually will. 

I know it is a little late now to change what happened.  But if you report this to the facility it may not happen to the next person.  And you know now that you need to speak with your doctor or the facility about what will happen during your care.

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4 minutes ago, Catfostermom said:

ESP when he was told he’d have 1 nurse assigned to him. If it was only the one nurse chances are he wouldn’t have had a problem.   This is about male modesty and him being uncomfortable about the circumstances.  Things could have been dealt with differently.

I did not see this part so he was expecting to only have one nurse assigned.  That does make a difference.  Please go to the meeting take a copy of the email you received and calmly and quietly explain what happened and how your husband felt.  If possible have him with you or at least a written and signed account of what the occurrence was and how it affected him.

The management may not this is happening to their male patients and need to be made aware so they can rectify the situation.  

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18 minutes ago, Catfostermom said:

Never once did I say that he thought it was sexual.

What is the other reason that people look at genitals as a "spectator sport" ?

Let me know. I haven't heard of this. I know people go to golf matches and things like that, but I didn't know that there was a non-sexual spectator sport of checking out genitals.

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16 minutes ago, trytounderstand said:

I did not see this part so he was expecting to only have one nurse assigned.  That does make a difference.  Please go to the meeting take a copy of the email you received and calmly and quietly explain what happened and how your husband felt.  If possible have him with you or at least a written and signed account of what the occurrence was and how it affected him.

The management may not this is happening to their male patients and need to be made aware so they can rectify the situation.  

I didn’t have this on the original thread. I didn’t know to ask him until I got the feedback from the facility that he is assigned only 1 nurse. 

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32 minutes ago, Catfostermom said:

Never once did I say that he thought it was sexual.

No but you implied it with your statement and use of quotation marks that 4 nurses "checked" on him in PACU. That is what set the membership off here. It was a gross misrepresentation of what was actually happening and was just...gross. 

Look, we get it. Your husband was treated insensitively and that was wrong in all sorts of ways. If it had been our loved ones we would be pissed off too. But we aren't the ones who did it and we shouldn't be the ones bearing the brunt of your anger. You need to stop with the passive aggressive anonymous emails and talk with the management at the ASC where he had the procedure and then move on with your life. This cannot be good for either of you. I wish your husband a speedy recovery.

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16 minutes ago, JKL33 said:

What is the other reason that people look at genitals as a "spectator sport" ?

Let me know. I haven't heard of this. I know people go to golf matches and things like that, but I didn't know that there was a non-sexual spectator sport of checking out genitals.

That in no way implies that it’s sexual.  It implies he has had enough of just random females coming in. Either have the one assigned or the second one. NOT a third and then again a fourth. 

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1 minute ago, Catfostermom said:

That in no way implies that it’s sexual.  It implies he has had enough of just random females coming in. Either have the one assigned or the second one. NOT a third and then again a fourth. 

Yes it does. There IS no "spectator sport" of looking at genitals that is not sexual. As far as I have ever heard, the spectator sports of looking at genitals are precisely sexual in nature. You know that.

If he doesn't mean to imply something sexual then you will want to do what I have been suggesting all along, which is to present your concerns more carefully.

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3 minutes ago, Wuzzie said:

No but you implied it with your statement and use of quotation marks that 4 nurses "checked" on him in PACU. That is what set the membership off here. It was a gross misrepresentation of what was actually happening and was just...gross. 

Look, we get it. Your husband was treated insensitively and that was wrong in all sorts of ways. If it had been our loved ones we would be pissed off too. But we aren't the ones who did it and we shouldn't be the ones bearing the brunt of your anger. You need to stop with the passive aggressive anonymous emails and talk with the management at the ASC where he had the procedure and then move on with your life. This cannot be good for either of you. I wish your husband a speedy recovery.

Excuse people who don’t work in the health field not to know the correct terminology of what it is that they do. “Checked on him” is what they did.  You implied it meant something else, not me. 

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