Help me, Allnurses, I make bad choices when I'm anxious!

[NightNerd, MSN, RN]

Nothing too outlandish, just tryna choose the right next job for me. I'm so desperate to get out of my current job (med-psych night shifts), have been for a while, and I don't want that desperation to cloud my judgment.

Job A: An old friend is this position's supervisor, and she invited me to apply when I said I was looking for work. I interviewed and got a great vibe from the team, and received an offer today. It's a pay cut, as everything will be after five years of night shift differential, and the tuition assistance policy was a bit underwhelming (I just started working on my MSN). Otherwise the salary and other benefits were pretty good. It's an hour commute from my home, which will be a significant adjustment for me (I'm super spoiled right now), and the hours are crazy early. While the actual job sounds fascinating and would be a welcome change from what I've been doing, I know it's not where my heart is long-term.

Job B: I have an interview scheduled for next Friday, so no offer yet. I feel that I am a strong candidate, but obviously that's no guarantee. This pays a few thousand less per year than Job A and has no tuition assistance as far as I know, so paying for school will be even more challenging, though by no means impossible. The commute is a little more friendly, like 40 minutes, and the hours are more reasonable for a night owl making the switch back to days. It is also more relevant to the degree I'm pursuing, and will give me more direct experience toward my career interests (although I don't think Job A would hurt anything).

TL;DR - Basically, I like a lot of the things about Job A, for which an old friend would be my supervisor; the salary and benefits are good; and I have an offer. It's not directly relevant to my degree and not something I see myself doing for more than a few years. Job B has a slightly lower salary, and while I feel confident about my candidacy, I have an interview scheduled but no offer right now. This job is more along the lines of my interests and eventual goals, and the commute and hours would work better for me. Do I decline the position working with my friend (how bad of a move is that? It's bad, right?) in favor of interviewing for something that might not work out, leaving me in this job that has become toxic to my mental and physical health?

[RNNPICU, BSN, RN]

Nice dilemma to have.

Job A: This could be slightly tricky working under an old friend. How would you deal with discipline, if something were to happen. What about others who may talk about your friend? Do others on the team know of your friendship with the supervisor? It might be fun for a change of pace, you may surprise yourself and enjoy it for longer. Tuition reimbursement is a plus. The hour commute, might be tough after a few months when the newness wears off.

Job B: Good to recognize that it isn't your yet. It could be that after interviewing you may find things that are either more desireable or less desireable about the position. Is there a way to hold off on accepting the new job until after the interview? Since this friend knows you are looking, is there a way to tell them, you just need a few days to truly make a decision, then go on the interview? 40 minute commute not too much different than an hour, but yes 40 is better than 60. Although more relevant to the degree, not every job has to be relevant to the degree, that is what could occur once you finish the degree.

Just try and make sure when you are jumping ship, the life vest is securely fastened, i.e don't just take a job, make sure you would actually enjoy the job. In both scenarios from what you have written, it sounds like both could be a safe jump.

[NightNerd, MSN, RN]

51 minutes ago, RNNPICU said:

Nice dilemma to have.

Job A: This could be slightly tricky working under an old friend. How would you deal with discipline, if something were to happen. What about others who may talk about your friend? Do others on the team know of your friendship with the supervisor? It might be fun for a change of pace, you may surprise yourself and enjoy it for longer. Tuition reimbursement is a plus. The hour commute, might be tough after a few months when the newness wears off.

Job B: Good to recognize that it isn't your yet. It could be that after interviewing you may find things that are either more desireable or less desireable about the position. Is there a way to hold off on accepting the new job until after the interview? Since this friend knows you are looking, is there a way to tell them, you just need a few days to truly make a decision, then go on the interview? 40 minute commute not too much different than an hour, but yes 40 is better than 60. Although more relevant to the degree, not every job has to be relevant to the degree, that is what could occur once you finish the degree.

Just try and make sure when you are jumping ship, the life vest is securely fastened, i.e don't just take a job, make sure you would actually enjoy the job. In both scenarios from what you have written, it sounds like both could be a safe jump.

Agreed, it's a great situation to be in! Thank you for your thoughts, you make some good points. Unfortunately since the interview is next Friday I don't think I can delay my decision that long. The recruiter seemed incredulous that I wanted to take the weekend to consider.

[JBMmom, MSN, NP]

I think you sound like you're leaning towards job A, which makes sense because you're not presenting job B as a dream job, either. Both of these jobs sound like a means to an end for a few years until you are ready to make your next move. And that's how a lot of careers go. Planning to accept job A with better benefits while you're still in school, might be a good option- as long as you can deal with the commute for a few years (not an insignificant aspect). Working for a friend can have benefits and drawbacks, hopefully their professional integrity extends beyond friendship. Very few people expect someone to take a new job and plan to stay for 10+ years these days. A few years gives them some return on investment and will pay your bills while you work towards your next goal. Good luck!

[NightNerd, MSN, RN]

21 hours ago, JBMmom said:

I think you sound like you're leaning towards job A, which makes sense because you're not presenting job B as a dream job, either. Both of these jobs sound like a means to an end for a few years until you are ready to make your next move. And that's how a lot of careers go. Planning to accept job A with better benefits while you're still in school, might be a good option- as long as you can deal with the commute for a few years (not an insignificant aspect). Working for a friend can have benefits and drawbacks, hopefully their professional integrity extends beyond friendship. Very few people expect someone to take a new job and plan to stay for 10+ years these days. A few years gives them some return on investment and will pay your bills while you work towards your next goal. Good luck!

Interesting, thanks! I guess I was all set to take job A, commute and early hours and all, but then the recruiter for job B emailed me with a question and I got all excited about job B.

I'm not very worried about working with my friend as my supervisor. We shared the amazing evidence of nursing school together, but haven't spent a ton of time hanging out since then, so it shouldn't be too hard to slip into a more professional dynamic now.

I don't know, I guess A just sounds a little more fun due to the way I clicked with my potential coworkers, and it has a certain glamour to it, not being an area I ever saw myself in. But B is more what I've been picturing myself doing next for a while and feels more "me," and despite the slightly lower salary would fit my life a lot better. Ultimately they would both be a good move; I just need to figure out if I'm willing to risk not getting job B if I decline job A.

[Nurse Beth, MSN]

It's actually a good problem to have, knowing that you have one solid offer and another highly likely offer.

It's the classic "is a bird in the hand worth two in the bush?" problem.

Both choices have merit. Both have disadvantages. There is no absolute right or wrong answer, but a good guideline is to not make a decision based on fear or desperation, as you said. This is hard to do in your situation, because you have a deadline and that in itself creates anxiety.

My experience in situations like yours has been that if I am able to quiet myself down, shed the fear and anxiety, close my eyes, and get to a centered place within myself, I can get to the answer that's already there inside. It's confirmed by feeling relief and peace.

Another way to get there is to have a friend flip a coin. Heads is Job A, tails is Job B. As soon as the coin is flipped, but before it lands, you call heads or tails. Don't plan your call ahead of time, just call heads or tails in the moment.

Best of luck in this and your future plans ?

[FolksBtrippin, BSN, RN]

On 5/31/2019 at 6:44 PM, NightNerd said:

Agreed, it's a great situation to be in! Thank you for your thoughts, you make some good points. Unfortunately since the interview is next Friday I don't think I can delay my decision that long. The recruiter seemed incredulous that I wanted to take the weekend to consider.

Ugh, I hate it when recruiters do that. Job offers are not gifts from God. It's a job offer and it needs to be considered with your other offers. I would put my foot down. You need the time you need to make the right decision. This is your life. Are we talking about one week here? That is not a lot to ask for.

[Lunah, MSN, RN]

What about option C - stay where you are with higher pay and better tuition reimbursement? Just throwing that out there!

[NightNerd, MSN, RN]

4 hours ago, Pixie.RN said:

What about option ? stay where you are with higher pay and better tuition reimbursement? Just throwing that out there!

I LOLed. ? That would certainly be the most financially friendly option, but I sort of hate who I'm becoming at this job. Call it burnout or compassion fatigue or whatever, but I've been noticing myself being much more short-tempered and reactive with my patients. This, combined with various organizational factors and how this job affects my mood on days off, is weighing heavily enough on me that I think it's time to move on. It's not that I don't want to take care of people, even from more challenging patient populations; I just don't feel supported where I am. It's not safe, my team is slowly disintegrating, and I'm no longer the nurse I want to be because of it. I just need a few years to quiet my mind, finish my degree, and be a little selfish before I go back to something that will require that much mental and emotional stamina.

[Lunah, MSN, RN]

I figured there was more to it. All I can say is that a long commute is no joke — that would be 6 hours of time each week spent on the road, if you're doing three 12s. Been there, done that — I listened to a lot of books on tape/later CDs/then podcasts.

[RNNPICU, BSN, RN]

27 minutes ago, NightNerd said:

I LOLed. ? That would certainly be the most financially friendly option, but I sort of hate who I'm becoming at this job. Call it burnout or compassion fatigue or whatever, but I've been noticing myself being much more short-tempered and reactive with my patients. This, combined with various organizational factors and how this job affects my mood on days off, is weighing heavily enough on me that I think it's time to move on. It's not that I don't want to take care of people, even from more challenging patient populations; I just don't feel supported where I am. It's not safe, my team is slowly disintegrating, and I'm no longer the nurse I want to be because of it. I just need a few years to quiet my mind, finish my degree, and be a little selfish before I go back to something that will require that much mental and emotional stamina.

I think it is great that you have recognized this and are recognizing that a change needs to happen. Sometimes that is all we need is a little break to gain some new perspective, new skills, new environment. .

[NightNerd, MSN, RN]

3 hours ago, Pixie.RN said:

I figured there was more to it. All I can say is that a long commute is no joke — that would be 6 hours of time each week spent on the road, if you're doing three 12s. Been there, done that — I listened to a lot of books on tape/later CDs/then podcasts.

Honestly, that's the big thing deterring me from job A. I'd be going from a four-minute commute three nights a week to an hour commute five days a week. Sounds awful, and my car is already getting up in miles (besides the speakers not working; must get that fixed before attempting this).

I finally got a chance to talk with my SO about it yesterday. Our lease is up a few months after I start, so moving a little closer would be possible in the fall if needed. We like where we live and are kinda sick of moving, though, so the commute may be the thing I compromise to get the other things I want - which is fine; I'm trying to be realistic. I think I can do it for a couple years to enjoy the change of pace in work environment and responsibilities.

After thinking about it over the weekend, I'm leaning toward A. It sounds more peaceful and fun, the interview just felt right, and the offer is there for the taking. Thank you for your encouragement and wisdom, everyone!

Coming soon, a thread we've seen a million times, but inverted: How do I make the jump from nights back to days without losing what's left of my sanity? I figure lots of melatonin, maybe another sleep aide every now and again, and the understanding that I'm gonna be exhausted and cranky for a little while.