I know there's no "ideal" time to have a child, but I'm hoping to get some input from any moms out there who might have some ideas about the timing of having my first baby. I'm going on 32 and really want to have children, but I am just beginning to take my prerequisites to get into nursing school. I would love to hear anyones input/experience when it comes to being an "older" first time mom and new nurse.
There's just no way around it, the very minimum time it would take my to finish and become an RN is a bit over 3 years. My husband and I could wait, but I would be 35 years old (really more like 36 because I would have to work for at least a year before thinking about taking maternity leave) trying to have my first baby and I'm thinking that by then maybe I will have missed the boat and not be able to get pregnant (basing this idea off of the fact that I had a miscarriage at 18 and have always doubted my fertility since then).
Or I could do my prereq's, take a year off before applying to nursing schools, and have a baby at 33/34 in between prereqs and nursing school.
Or I could have a baby during nursing school, but from everything I've heard, that would probably be a nightmare and why would I do that to myself if I can just go ahead and keep my IUD in?
On the one hand, I am really excited about getting into nursing as soon as possible, but on the other hand I hear my ovaries ticking and wonder if I could end up missing any chance I had to be a mom by putting off starting a family until it's too late.
As a long time nursing prof I have seen students be successful with every variant of child timing.
HOWEVER, the common theme is the tremendous value of high quality support. Having relatives who can step in and help is REALLY valuable.
I take great pride in the fact that all of my pregnant clinical students have finished the semester on time... despite a variety of pregnancy related challenges. I flex whatever I can to help get them through. Actually, I flex whatever I can to attempt to get ALL of my students through. (Before someone objects that flexing isn't fair, I would point out that my students understand that I will flex for any of them who need it. Frequently the other students voice their appreciation when I am flexible to help one of their classmates.)
My advice, try for the baby during your pre-reqs, but if you're not pregnant by the time you start the nursing program, I would put it on hold until after you graduate. Not because it's impossible to be pregnant, give birth, or have a newborn during nursing school--it's possible, difficult, but possible. But because you have no way of knowing what will happen during that pregnancy or newborn period. What if you end up on bedrest, or have the baby early and he's in the NICU for months? There's a good chance you'd have to drop out of nursing school and start all over again. Once you're in, I wouldn't want to risk it. But during pre-reqs, pregnancy and newborn stuff is not a big deal, and if there is a complication, you can take a semester off without sacrificing anything.
My wife and I attended school together. We had a kiddo during our pre-reqs and one during the nursing program. I worked full-time and we had good family/friend/work support. The nursing school baby was 6 weeks early and spent about a month in the hospital. It was a juggle but it's doable.
I got bit with "baby fever" towards the end of nursing school. I counted how many months left until graduation, and decided to get pregnant when I knew I would deliver after graduation.
What I didn't count on was how getting through my last semester pregnant would impact me: morning sickness (not just in the AM!), low back pain, and clinicals while huge and ungainly were all a challenge.
I also had to sit for the NCLEX while pregnant and as big as a house! I took the very last pencil & paper NCLEX, and I had to drive over 200 miles for the exam. It was (4) 100 question exams over 2 days.
My son as born 2 weeks later. I took 6 weeks maternity leave, then started work as a new grad.
I graduated December 1993, and took the NCLEX in February 1994. When I started work as a new grad I made $12.75/hr. It was the highest pay in the city for a new grad at the time (pretty disappointing, huh?).
Any way, you are right: there is no ideal time to have children. My old PCP and friend once told me, "If you wait for the ideal time to have kids you'll never have them". Not sure if that is true, but he had a compelling argument nonetheless.
Good luck with whatever your decision may be (and rejoice pay for new grads has increased dramatically, as you deserve). :)
I will be finishing my BSN program this May and be having my baby in June. My thing is it all depends on your program, I had two classmates that gave birth during the course of the semesters and of course the faculties were considerate about it. If you don't have a strong support system, do it after school and don't worry about getting a maternity leave because after having my child in June by His grace, I'm taking the nclex right after and starting my job by His grace.
If I were in your shoes, I would try to conceive today. I'm not kidding. If you are just now starting your nursing pre-reqs, you have time. I started my nursing school pre-reqs when my oldest was 2 and my youngest was 2 months old. Now, I'm in my last semester of pre-reqs before the nursing program and I have a 4 year old, a 2 year old, and a 5 month old. Seriously, don't wait, or you may never have kids. It is completely doable with one child in school (coming from a single mom of 3, going through a divorce, and about to take on nursing school).
First of all if you want to be a Nurse you need to get a realistic view of your own health and go to a doctor. Your actual fertility should not be based on your past fears and doubt. With that being said I had my daughter at 35 and am starting my associate program in the fall. I would love to have another kid. My iud even expelled right before the acceptance letter. If I want to provide for my family and myself and have a rewarding career I need to complete this degree. You had a miscarriage in the past. I think it best to figure out where you are physically first. I would never put Nursing school on a pregnancy. I enjoyed the first time way too much. I feel either journey deserves your complete attention.
When I started, my daughter was 2 and then had my son 4 weeks into my first semester. I had a c section and ended up being out 3 weeks. I managed to get through, but it was very tough. It was very tough with him as he had a dairy protein allergy, bad reflux, numerous ear infections which finally required tubes. Juggling doctor's appointments and illness where they had to miss daycare was challenging. We have a great support system, but my family lives over an hour away and my mother in law has a lot of other grandchildren, so it wasn't always possible for her to help out. That was a truly tough time.
My husband and I had decided to have another between graduation and me starting work. I'm 14 weeks pregnant 8 weeks into my last semester. My first two pregnancies were pretty much a breeze, so I had a lot of hope that this would be too, if only a little tougher because of the demands of school and two small kids running around. This pregnancy has been so different. I was never this sick or exhausted with my first two, so it's really been a challenge. There have been many days this semester where I just wanted to quit and graduate a year later. I've been pushing through, but it's not been easy. I only say this because you have to take into consideration that you don't know how your pregnancy will be. Which isn't to say don't, but just something to consider.
It's absolutely doable, it's just difficult and you'll want strong support system.
I'm a mom to a 4 year old girl, I am starting my nursing program this fall after a year wait to start. I got pregnant and started working on my prerequisite shortly after. I don't know what the requirements are for the program you are applying to but it took almost 2 years to complete them (4 semesters, couldn't do it any faster) and then there was a 2-3 semester wait to actually get a slot. If your timeline looks anything like that I would definitely recommend just having a baby now. It will be a LOT easier to be pregnant and take care of a newborn during prereqs then actual nursing and clinical.
I am in a similar situation as I am about to turn 30 and my daughter is 4. I am finally ready for a second pregnancy but with school starting in the fall I don't know what to do either! I don't want to wait 3 more years and have a 7 year age gap but I certainly don't want to be having a baby my first semester of nursing school. I plan on timing my pregnancy so that I will have my baby over a summer break to be able to stay home with it for 3 months, or just waiting until I graduate. Whatever you choose if you're determined you can definitely do it! There are plenty of mothers, even single moms, who are in nursing school and succeed. Likewise many women manage to give brith during a semester and still keep up with classes! Though I think that would be very difficult as newborns steal all your sleep :) Good luck!
I'm right there with you, OP! My husband just turned 36, and I will be 31 this year with 2 years to go in nursing school. I know my husband doesn't want to be pushing 40 by the time we have our first kid, and I'm starting to feel like I'm ready to take the plunge sooner rather than later.
In the end, only you know if you are really ready or not. People get degrees while taking care of babies every day. It's a hard decision to make, but totally doable as long as you have the right support system. I would say do some soul searching and figure out if you are emotionally and financially ready, then go from there. But don't take time off of school if you can manage it.
Thank you everyone so much for your input. I've been dealing with a lot of health stuff that came seemingly out of nowhere since right after I posted. It started with this weird pain in my hands. Then my fingers started swelling up, and the pain spread to every one of my little joints in my hands and feet... then my knees and elbows. I had some blood work and my PCP thinks I have rheumatoid arthritis. I'm in a pretty low place right now, waiting to see the rheumatologist for an official diagnosis and just being in excruciating pain all day every day for months.
I guess the lesson I've learned is that you can spend all this time and energy figuring out your future, but life is truly unpredictable. I have no idea if I'll get to the point where I'm healthy enough to go into nursing school (right now I can barely hold a toothbrush or even get dressed) and I don't understand how people can work in the medical field if they're on long term immunosuppressants? Maybe it's possible? At this point I think I have to face the fact that I may never have children and may not be able to become a nurse. It's hard to even think straight, I've never been in so much pain in my life.
GrumpyOldBastard, MSN, RN
94 Posts
As a long time nursing prof I have seen students be successful with every variant of child timing.
HOWEVER, the common theme is the tremendous value of high quality support. Having relatives who can step in and help is REALLY valuable.
I take great pride in the fact that all of my pregnant clinical students have finished the semester on time... despite a variety of pregnancy related challenges. I flex whatever I can to help get them through. Actually, I flex whatever I can to attempt to get ALL of my students through. (Before someone objects that flexing isn't fair, I would point out that my students understand that I will flex for any of them who need it. Frequently the other students voice their appreciation when I am flexible to help one of their classmates.)