Have you ever given a ride to and from work for your colleagues?

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Specializes in ACE.

Recently I've been giving rides home to a few co-workers mainly because they do not have cars themselves, and we work in the evening so the bus ain't running and the staffing clerk asked me to do a big favour for her just these few weeks to give them a ride home. To me being young and a guy and them being female and a bit older, just appears awkward but thats just me. I'm thinking to myself, shouldn't you have transportation arranged but then again its not my business. Now I find myself in a hard position. They are not paying for my gas or insurance, so its like they are free loading off of me, a free Uber that is.

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You recently had trouble getting your own self to work with your Civic, you don't like to get involved in others' personal problems, and you have been tapped as the public transport guy?

It sounds overall like you enjoy the drama of having something to do with others' personal problems. Why is that?

It isn't just any random person who gets tangled up in these kinds of things.

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Specializes in CMSRN, hospice.

"Sorry, wish I could help, but I'm not going that way tonight!" *shrug, make exit*

Also, I'm not sure what the age and gender dynamic has to do with anything. You're just a coworker helping a coworker; there is nothing in this scenario that screams "odd" to me.

However, I can understand if it's becoming habitual and you're not for it. You just have to say you're not able to help and repeat until it sinks in.

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Specializes in Psych (25 years), Medical (15 years).
1 hour ago, JKL33 said:

It sounds overall like you enjoy the drama of having something to do with others' personal problems. Why is that?

Oh JKL, you know the answer to your own question, don't play coy with us.

Unless we are masochistically self-deprecating, we are the protagonist in our own life's story. We are also the casting manager, and SOMEBODY has to play the part of the antagonist!

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25 minutes ago, Davey Do said:

Oh JKL, you know the answer to your own question, don't play coy with us.

Not to get too serious but...I think it's complicated. If I had to make a general guess (not specific to OP), I think we do weird things when life and/or genetics has saddled us with self-esteem issues. And since we don't know how to see ourselves in a positive light, as someone worthy of general/very basic respect, we easily feel pressure to step right into situations that can only bring additional uncertainty, havoc and self-loathing (unrecognized as the latter may be).

It's just too scary to say 'nah' to these problematic "opportunities" when one's self-esteem is entirely dependent upon others' constant need for us and constant approval.

Occasionally we get tired of it and try to right ourselves by being very harsh (e.g. telling a crying coworker that we don't want to hear anything about why they're crying and don't want to hear their personal problems). When we realize we were a jerk, we're back to square one and signing up to be carpool man.

What say you?

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Specializes in Psych, Addictions, SOL (Student of Life).

I have been in these situations a time or two though I have never been asked by hospital management to perform this task. Someone will say they are having car trouble and if it's on my way and not too big an inconvenience I help out. I have even pulled over when I have seen a co-worker walking in cold rainy or very hot weather to help out. Because I am volunteering,  I don't expect payment or other incentives, however it is always nice when someone offers me a coffee or a couple of bucks for gas. Also if someone is riding with us more than twice a week we get a carpool stipend (This might be a California thing) that helps to cover gas.

Hppy

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Specializes in Psych (25 years), Medical (15 years).
58 minutes ago, JKL33 said:

And since we don't know how to see ourselves in a positive light, as someone worthy of general/very basic respect, we easily feel pressure to step right into situations that can only bring additional uncertainty, havoc and self-loathing (unrecognized as the latter may be).

What say you?

I say thank you very much for asking, JKL, as human behavior has been my life-long interest and study.

The quoted paragraph echoes Drs. Pieper's concept of "Addicted to Unhappiness", which also the title of their classic book.

Basically, the concept's premise is based on the relationship between an individual and their primary caretaker (PC). The first person we love outside of ourselves is our PC and the manner in which the PC responded to our needs is how the individual interprets love.

Using this premise, we can easily understand why some of us get into relationships which cause emotional trauma. If we were emotionally traumatized in the relationship with our PC, which we interpreted as love, we seek to repeat that scenario so that we may feel our interpretation of love.

When I first learned of the addicted to unhappiness concept, I applied it to my own interpretation of love. Although my parents both did the very best job they could, for I lacked nothing while growing up, they were both humorously sarcastic. Hence, I interpret sarcasm as a showing of love and will give and take sarcasm with great abandon. I will go as far as to irritate others on order to illicit a negative response, because I want to feel that which I interpreted as love.

Once we learn why we are attracted to negativity- addicted to unhappiness- we can choose the pathway and temper our behavior to more universally perceived positive relationships and situations.

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Specializes in school nurse.

I could see giving a co-worker ride in a pinch, but "these few weeks"... 

Nah.

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Specializes in Psych, Addictions, SOL (Student of Life).
5 hours ago, Jedrnurse said:

I could see giving a co-worker ride in a pinch, but "these few weeks"... 

Nah.

I agree if this has become a regular thing then you need to be compensated. Even if it's just a token amount say $5 a week to help with gas.

Hppy

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Specializes in Psych (25 years), Medical (15 years).
On 2/5/2022 at 4:33 AM, JKL33 said:

It sounds overall like you enjoy the drama of having something to do with others' personal problems. Why is that?

Revisiting JKL's premise is done in order to identify and exemplify a recurring behavior and is not intended in any way to negatively criticize DK.

We are all familiar with the concept that goes along the lines of "Give an individual a fish and they'll eat for a day, but to teach them to fish and they will eat for a lifetime". So it is with dealing with identified recurrent problem situations.

JKL used the word "insight" which of course means a knowledge of our inner selves, our feelings, thoughts and actions; self-knowledge, so to speak. The first step in solving any problem is the identification of that problem, then data-gathering, brainstorming, and finally choosing the best solution.

JKL brought forth the idea that a recurrent behavior is the problem, and this specific situation is merely a symptom of a greater problem. Let's consider, for the moment, that JKL has identified an illness- has given a set of symptom, if you will. Most are symbolically giving solutions to a symptom when JKL is relaying a need to find the cause for the symptom. While some are giving a Tylenol for a fever, JKL is encouraging us to identify the cause for the fever.

Deal a dandelion by ripping it out by its roots, and you kill the weed.

"And", as the tralfamadorians say, "so it goes".

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Specializes in New Critical care NP, Critical care, Med-surg, LTC.

Wondering why there was a thread in the past where you said you would "absolutely not spend 10 minutes" to support/listen to a coworker that was experiencing a crisis, but you're choosing to spend your time and resources driving people to and from work. I have given people rides to and from work, but that's my choice. If you're feeling like your generosity has been overused, it would be reasonable to you to let the coworker know that while you're able to help out until (give a date), you won't be able to continue driving them indefinitely. Or you could just tell them you can't do it anymore, depends on how you want to proceed.  Good luck with your decision.

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Specializes in Psych (25 years), Medical (15 years).
1 hour ago, JBMmom said:

Wondering why there was a thread in the past where you said you would "absolutely not spend 10 minutes" to support/listen to a coworker that was experiencing a crisis, but you're choosing to spend your time and resources driving people to and from work.

Wow! Good memory and comparison, JBMmom!

Kinda makes me wonder if it's not the emotional vs instrumental factors. You know: The emotional need is too heavy of a thing with which to deal, but with the instrumental need can be fulfilled without emotional involvement.

One point that I'd like to reiterate is that no way is this a criticism of DK. When we pose a question, sometimes the responses are unexpected and outside of our parochial perspectives.

Interesting discussion!

Edit: Perhaps instead of "DK", I need to use "OP" because I believe that is who began this thread. Perhaps I'm experiencing a Senior Moment...

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