Has Nursing hardened you?

[ThePrincessBride]

Simple question: Has nursing hardened you?

I'm currently a student, and I have noticed that some of the older clinical instructors are very cold, harsh and indecent towards some of the nursing students, myself included. I know some PCAs. One certain PCA, a 31 year old nursing student w/military experience, referred to some of the nurses on her unit as " cold *******" and said she was afraid after many years of working in the field (after graduating and passing the NCLEX, of course), she will end up just like them. Many of the other nursing students have voiced similar experiences, saying that many of the nurses on their unit were just rude or plain cold.

This is NOT to attack nurses, but after I had a dentist appointment, I noticed a stark contrast between the happier, less stressed out RDHs from the overly stressed and very cold nurses that I have come across. This is NOT to say that all nurses are like this, I have met some really nice ones (and a couple of really lovely clinical instructors), but in general, the longer one has been in the field of nursing ,the colder and less compassionate one becomes...from my observation. Statistically, 1 out of every 7 nurses will end up with a drug/substance problem (according to my lecture notes)...could it be d/t the stress of nursing?

So, I was wondering, to all the nurses out there who have been in the field for a long time, how has nursing changed you as an individual? Have you found yourself becoming colder and more detached or more warm and compassionate? Has nursing made you depressed? And finally (and most importantly) do you regret nursing?

I have found that I have lost apart of my confidence and self-esteem, and nursing seems to have an ugly side to it that really is disappointing. Quoting someone I love, "Upon visiting your nursing school, I have never met a more hostile, unwelcoming, cold environment and I can only imagine what you go through when I'm not around." And this person is fifty.

Again, this is NOT an attack, but just an observation and things I've experienced first hand and have been told, and I'm wondering about this!

[pas3cash]

Where to start? So called statistics cited are based on generalizations and hearsay. Nursing is not an easy job or profession and many enter it without having a clue what it means to be a nurse and many stay in it for the wrong reasons. I have been a nurse for >30 years,have always worked and I continue to love being a nurse and derive a great deal of satisfaction from patient care. I also work with many who share my opinions and some who do not. There are always stressors,difficult people,toxic coworkers,politics and competing priorities. Fundamentally one needs to examine personal goals,find an organization with people that are more positive and professional and supportive of each other and share common goals for patient care and taking care of their employees at all levels of the organization. All of us have to learn to develop a way of coping with all that nursing demands and the emotional toll it takes on us personally, some become hardened,unfeeling and toxic others become expert at handling the emotional demands and stress and continue to be compassionate and exhibit that to patients and coworkers. I would suggest that you keep an open mind and make some alliances with the postive role models in nursing. Good luck.

[Kookie2412]

I am working on this. i have been on this my unit for 1 year. being bullied my 2 nurses on and off. I am very soft hearted person, and keep taking the humiliation in so far. but I thik i am having enough now and going to start standing up for myself.

SO YES, I am going to be forcing myself to be tougher and cold hearted so I can stand up to those BI*****S. Parden my language but I am getting ****** off now for being pushed around too much.

[ShaynaSmart]

Great post. Really thought-provoking.

[clfrn]

I have read the different replies & all I can say is, I think this little student came into nursing with stars in her eyes, thoughts of saving the world and wearing cute little scrubs. I work at a teaching hospital & am always happy to help the students when they have clinical on our floor but guess what- I am not being paid to teach, that is the instructors job. I will answer questions when I can but I have so much to do that I can not stop & stroke your ego as a new up and coming nurse. I think my dear you need to grow a tougher skin or you will be crying in a corner ALOT. I don't spend my paycheck on drugs or steal them from disoriented patients. I don't spend my day making sure all the staff around me is happy or likes me, its not high school and I am not worrying if the popular kids like me, but ask any of my patients & their families and they will describe me as a caring, compassionate and loving nurse. So my dear just because a nurse doesn't stop and pat your hand and tell you that you are wonderful, don't judge her or him. Chances are they are patting the hand of a patient or family member who more deserves it or needs. I have learned that nursing students are quick to judge what they do not know. Check back in a few years & give us your opinion & it may be a different perspective.

[JWenke]

I think you've hit the subject dead center. I entered nursing as a second career. After seven years of being licensed, I am ready to leave it! I have build those walls of self preservation especially dealing with the elderly, and dying patients. Some may see it as cold, but if you are in the health profession you understand. Nurses are human. Administration, doctors, insurance companies, and sicker complicated patients all look to the RN to get the work accomplished, but no one but other RN's see this never ending pile of tasks. Nursing administrators do it too, instead of having our backs. It is time for the RN's to join forces and tell everyone that we are not your door mat. What I seen and observed is RN's back stabbing each other, gossiping, and adding to the heap pile. I'm not proud to be a nurse. I'm tired, burned out, and when I try to refresh myself, seek other avenues of nursing....other nurses slam the doors in my face, because I'm not apart of the administration click. If you have read this far, student nurses don't stop with an LPN or BSN degree...go get the Masters right away. Nursing is the only profession that does not recoginze a masters of anyother kind.

[NurseOnAMotorcycle, ASN, RN]

Just another thread about, a new Grad or student complaining of , How it's not fair, how wrong things are, why do nurses have to be so mean, it's just not how I thought it was going to be, why are the nursing instructors so mean to me.

If you can graduate , pass boards, keep your first job, transition from being a student who knows everything about nursing without being a nurse, you might be able to learn and survive and maybe be a good NURSE.

In my class there was a big sign that said, "Put Your Big Girl Panties On and Deal with It",

just do it.

I love this post so much I could hug it.

[merrywhiterose]

I work in a Long-term care facility. Most of the elderly residents are addicted to pain meds. They watch the clock just so they can tell us "it's time for another pain pill". When you have so many residents prescribed pain meds every 4 hr. it can really get on your nerves. Many feel we should drop EVERYTHING to give them a pain med exactly at the 4 hr. mark. We had a code last weekend & while the person was getting CPR we had residents asking why they can't get their pain meds. They saw the ambulance, Paramedics, etc. It's hard not to be cold in these cases.

[Esme12, ASN, BSN, RN]

Hmmm......I think the OP I believe has left the building. OP if you are there after seeing the response what ware your thoughts. I am curious if this has given you a different perspective?

[Nurse SMS, MSN, RN]

I am a brand new nurse, second career and the mother of two kids who have had cancer, one who died, one who is thriving. I bring an interesting mixed bag of perspective and scars to this new career of mine. I have not read this thread in its entirety, so forgive me if I am repetitive or even completely off topic by now. I know threads can wander sometimes and I am speaking purely based on the original post.

I probably am a little "hardened" already from what life has afforded me moreso than my nursing career, which can barely be called a career since I just graduated in December. I think some hardening is a good thing to be honest. I know I personally don't think critically all that well when my guts are being wrenched out and I don't sleep all that well when I delay the gut-wrenching in favor of critical thinking but revisit it later in the middle of the night. One has to develop a bit of a barrier. Nobody is successful if compassion gets to the point of dysfunction.

I think the more you learn, the more your ability to both empathize and yet draw boundaries improves when it comes to the patient population. I am seeing a lot now that I am working as "real" RN off orientation that I didn't see before. The Type I diabetic homeless 20-something-year-old drug addict who makes the round from ER to ER as a way to have three squares and a bed as well as access to narcs by putting himself into severe DKA on purpose, then threatening suicide at discharge time as a way to stay longer or slamming coffee filled with many packets of sugar in hopes of going back into DKA and getting to stay. That one still ticks me off. The grown adult weeping and whining because that is how they learned to behave when ill, either because they liked the attention it got them or because they got no attention at all....learning to draw boundaries with them so they can get well because meaning to or not, they get in their own way and I am not doing them favors if I get sucked in. Stuff like that. It can drain you. A lot. I know what I saw as "mean" in nursing school sometimes is viewable from a pretty different facet as a practicing RN, and that is with worlds of hospital experience prior to getting into school. You'll grow too and hopefully not judge yourself (or others) too harshly as you start to incorporate healthy coping into your practice.

You can be a little excited here...you are starting to launch. Noticing the reality of nursing butt up against the idealism that brings most of us to the table is a sign of crossing over. Kind of like how many women giving birth throw up during transition. In the end, you are still amazed and gratified once you get there. But getting there is rough and staying there is rough. You just get little stopping points of joy along the way that remind you why you did it. Try to remember the snapshots you are getting of grizzled people being hateful is just that...a snapshot. Go watch the movie Crash and remember we all have the capacity for incredible good and incredible mistakes and that few of us are all good or all evil. Its a swinging pendulum. I would wager some of those you have seen as being awful nurses would be horrified to know they come across that way as well as defensive. Ultimately we all want to be not just seen as good at what we do, but truly good at what we do.

I don't have an opinion on the addictions issue. I know many addictions hide in the form of food or alcohol or exercise or nailbiting....etcetc. I think most of us have coping mechanisms and that every person is vulnerable to them, with varying degrees of ability to successfully maneuver within them and varying degrees of destructiveness. Having just started working nights and struggling to get enough sleep during the day and still be an active part of my family, I can see how people might be tempted by the lure of aids they would never have considered before. I will never do it, but I have a new respect for the urge and a new respect for the need to draw myself some grizzled nurse boundaries.

I wish you well in your studies. Keep examining both yourself and the world of nursing. You will soon be in a position to make an impact and that is a powerful thing. Sorry for rambling so much.

[ShelbyRN1]

To all those who have attacked her based on an honest inquiry you must surely be the one's who are the nasty, mean nurses she is speaking of. I am an 8 year nurse and have seen some decent nurses but have seen far more mean-spirited, high-minded, egotistical, non-compassionate nurses in the settings I have worked in. Not all nurses are this way but unfortunately a growing majority are. I know that the interest in nurse bullying is growing and for sound reason. It is not just a "poor victim" mind-set. There is impending legislation regarding putting a stop to these types of unproductive behaviors. She is not just taking up valuable seating for more "worthy, grateful" students. It is not the patients, it is the haughty nurses. If you are offended by this, you are part of the problem.

[ThePrincessBride, MSN, RN, NP]

Hmmm......I think the OP I believe has left the building. OP if you are there after seeing the response what ware your thoughts. I am curious if this has given you a different perspective?

No. Haven't left the building. I have gotten and very great posts, but some posters have proven my point, sadly.But I am taking this in and I appreciate all of the responses and insight.I think people also misunderstood me. I never stated nursing was easy. It is hard. Why some people have called me a "little student" with "stars in her eyes" is confusing me.

[interceptinglight, CNA]

Quote from ShelbyRN1: "To all those who have attacked her based on an honest inquiry you must surely be the one's who are the nasty, mean nurses she is speaking of." And... "If you are offended by this, you are part of the problem."

Excellent. Just what I was thinking -- I'm glad somebody said it.