about being harassed as a male

[Darklighter]

This is sort of a follow-up to Thedreamer's thread...

I myself am a straight male, nursing student, and work as a tech at a local hospital. Last year my boss began scheduling me to work in an off-site, outpatient sector of the hospital (ie, instead of the main hospital building, with in-patients, which is where our dept is based). The reason for this was that apparently OP was short-handed and needed a tech there, and I was asked to fill in, and I didn't mind at all at the time that I was asked.

Turns out this new department was entirely female. ie, about 10 RNs, a couple of female secretaries, one female tech, and myself. No big deal. Well within a short period of time, things began to happen. Comments, touching...more comments...laughter. The female tech asked me, straight-up, and in front of two patients, about the details of my sex life. (ie, "D'you get laid over the weekend?") Yeah. Completely out of the blue. The patients were both very elderly and were a few feet away, so I guess she thought they couldn't hear (and thankfully I don't think they did), but any person with normal hearing would have been able to hear it loud and clear. What made it worse is that there were several RNs, all female, right there in that area who obviously heard her comment....and they all just laughed it off. ??!? One them, to her credit, finally mumbled something like "maybe you shouldn't ask him that". On another occasion one of the RNs (who had her master's degree - not a practicioner but I think a clinical specialist) came up behind me and started pulling my hair. Yes...just pulling my hair. Again, no warning, no apparent reason or logic behind it whatsoever...she didn't even say anything, either, which made it even weirder. I finally managed to pull away from her and just kinda looked at her like "***?!" and she didn't even so much as look me in the eye...just kept on walking instead. This same nurse, along with others, used to also call me names. Some of their favorites were "little boy" and "good boy". (I am 28 years old; was 27 when this all happened.) Another RN one time said (also in front of a patient) that I am a "good boy who likes little girls". Now what in the ever-loving h@#*%$ that is supposed to mean, I have ABSOLUTELY no idea, but it was just plain creepy and sick-sounding. And completely embarassing.

What often made the whole thing worse is that far from being "short-handed" as I had been told, they were often overstaffed if anything. So there were long stretches of time during which I (as a tech with limited responsibilities) had absolutely nothing to do except just find a free chair in the office/desk area and just sit there. And of course all the while I was having to watch my back for any further "attacks" from my coworkers. I hate to put it that way but seriously, it was that bad.

For a long time I was afraid and reluctant to talk to my boss because even though this dept had a supervisor, I was told that my actual supervisor was technically my boss over at the main hospital, who I never saw anymore because I never was scheduled to work there anymore at this point. So it was kinda hard to get a hold of him. Also, this same boss was notoriously well-known for his temper. I'd heard that he'd had to take anger management classes in the past, and had several times been reprimanded by his boss over his angry outbursts. So I really did not want to rock the boat, but finally I just could not take it any longer. Well interestingly enough it turned out that he was very, very understanding and receptive to the problem. Also turned out that the guy (also the only guy in his time) who had been working in my place before me had had similiar problems. It was kind of a huge relief to learn that in a way, simply because it assured me that I wasn't just somehow inviting this problem onto myself without being consciously aware of it (although I have no idea how that would have even been possible in the first place; neverthless it had crossed my mind before). On that note, I have no idea why my boss had then decided to pick me (ie, another guy) to replace him, but after he heard my story apparently he finally decided that maybe having a lone guy work with this particular group of nurses was not such a good idea.

So my boss was like, "can you at least finish out the week there?" and since there were only 2 days left on that scheduling cycle, i was like sure. Well somehow on the afternoon of the last day, the OP supervisor had incidentally learned from my boss what all had been going on. (He didn't tell her all the details, at least not right away; he just confronted her about the fact that there had been a major problem). Well she pulled me into a room, alone, and quietly asked if I "had ever experienced any problems working in outpatient". It was kinda weird of her to ask this, because some of the things that had been happening (name calling, touching, etc.) had happened not by her but in her very presence! Well I very cautiously explained that yes, there had in fact been some problems. I didn't really go into details, but I told her the basic jist of everything. Well then she suddenly started crying in front of me...sobbing even. Apparently she felt really guilty about all of it and I suppose perhaps she was afraid that this might somehow cost her her job or reputation. However, I really didn't have any animosity at all towards her (simply b/c she in particular had never done anything to me and I had always just given her the benefit of the doubt and assumed that she was simply unaware of what was going on). Well then I felt bad for even having to bring it up at all. She was crying so hard that I kinda wanted to give her a little hug, just to let her know that 1. I wasn't planning on "retaliating" by going to HR or anything like that (although I was extremely close to doing that) and 2. I totally forgave her for any oversight on her part as a supervisor. But of course by that point after all the touching and comments that had occured, I figured the last thing anyone needed was a hug that could even remotely be interpreted the wrong way, since we were in a very small room, just the 2 of us. So instead I just kinda stood there while she cried and told her (basically) that it was all okay as far as I was concerned; that I simply just didnt' want to work in that dept anymore - ie, that was all I was asking. Needless to say it was all extremely awkward. Finally she just kinda left the room and then left completely for the day (very early). But after that my boss never asked me to work in that dept again. And I am definitely glad.

[niceguytx]

Wow..what a role reversal of sexual harrassment! I am glad that you don't have to deal with that anymore. That is not professional!!

[SteveNNP, MSN, NP]

Wow. I'm glad you got out of that toxic environment. Make sure you notify management if it ever happens again... stuff like this can get way out of hand, and if you let it go too far, sometimes you get punished long with the rest.

[Anubis]

The first time it happens, make it clear that her behavior was inappropriate for the workplace, her advances were unwelcome and ask her not to repeat them. Make note of the time/date it happens, exactly what was said, and of anyone who witnessed it. Then, if it happens again, make note of the details and go directly to the supervisor and let him/her know what happened, and that it has happened before. If you do not feel comfortable discussing it with the supervisor, go to HR.

Sexual harassment in the workplace has gotten to be a significant problem over the last several years, and it doesn't matter whether you're male or female, "no" means "NO!". Many employers are quick to react when such a thing occurs, because they know they can be sued if they knew that something like this was happening and they didn't react appropriately.

One key, though, is to make sure that you can conclusively prove it was her provoking the confrontation and not you, otherwise she can lie and make it look as if YOU were the one provoking it. This is especially true when it's a female who's coming onto a male, because this is highly unusual, and some people may not believe you. Traditionally, it IS much more common that the male is the aggressor in most of these situations, because of the horrible way that women have been historically treated in some of the male-dominated professions. (and before anybody calls me a sexist, go to a sexual harassment workshop and you'll find that statistics back me up)

[malenursewithpride]

cool story.....well i have had great experience working with females,i have even dated some of them...but i understand your point,it really can be annoying going thru that on an everyday basis.good for you you dont work there anymore....i just need some clarifycation,when you say "touching" do you mean like your private parts and things like that,and were those nurses "HOT"? if they were then it wasn;t that bad!...well good luck in your nursing career.

[cjcsoon2bnp, MSN, RN, NP]

i just need some clarifycation,when you say "touching" do you mean like your private parts and things like that,and were those nurses "HOT"? if they were then it wasn;t that bad!...well good luck in your nursing career.

Are you kidding me with this? It doesn't matter if the nurses were hot or not it was completely inappropriate for the workplace and not welcomed. The whole situation was really unprofessional, both by the nurses that harassed this guy and the supervisor that started crying because she was scared of losing her job because she did nothing to prevent this earlier. There is a difference of when you kid around with your coworkers and its mutually understood that it is joking and no one in uncomfortable with it but when joking and teasing make another person feel uncomfortable it's harassment.

!Chris

[bekindtokittens]

Holy cow. Good for you, standing up for yourself and not condoning their behavior. I'm glad your boss listened to you and took your complaints seriously.

And don't feel bad about the OP manager's crying incident. You didn't make her cry. Her own guilt made her cry; you hold no responsibility for that.

[Oorah]

Wow, from reading this I now know that I am SO going to get fired from nursing. Hasn't happened yet, but I will 100% NOT put up with that **** whatsoever.

Blame it on the 5 years I spent in the Marines, but pretty much any of those things happen to me and I'm going to drop you like a ragdoll, in front of everyone, instantly.

Where I work now as a CNA, while going to nursing school is normally populated by women. I made it extremely clear who I am, what I am about, and how I roll the very first day I was there. I was branded "the dickhead who wouldn't last a week" of course, but I'm still there. I made it a point to reveal things like- I'm straight, I have a girl, and she isn't you so keep your hands to yourself. You shouldn't have to do that, but I think I got my point across.

[justme1972]

All I could say when I got past the first two sentences was "Wow".

No question she was flirting with you...and it was very unprofessional for her to do so.

Now, here is even the sadder part of the story:

If YOU had reported it...they probably would have laughed and asked what your problem was and told you to laugh it off.

If YOU had done the same thing to HER...you probably would have lost your job over it.

I am a FIRM believer that all too often...males get the short end of the stick when it comes to sexual harassment.

[gamedic31C]

cool story.....well i have had great experience working with females,i have even dated some of them...but i understand your point,it really can be annoying going thru that on an everyday basis.good for you you dont work there anymore....i just need some clarifycation,when you say "touching" do you mean like your private parts and things like that,and were those nurses "HOT"? if they were then it wasn;t that bad!...well good luck in your nursing career.

Actually it was that BAD. They were showing him who had the power, and who didn't. If it were to happen again, keep detailed notes of what happened and REPORT.

[AirforceRN, RN]

Somewhat off topic but...I hate it when girls cry. I don't mean the "my dog died" crying but the "I can't believe this happened" or "I feel so bad I did that" crying. I have NO idea what to do and just stand there looking like an idiot.

Girls...they are so strange sometimes.

[gottaBRN]

dude if you really wanted to lay it n thick you should have done some cryin of your own but i see the point work is work period. all that chit-chat and patients get lost in the scuffle/ there plenty of time to play off the clock !