Handling rumors

[bnrn75]

I am a new grad (male) nurse. I have been at my first job for 8 months. I love the work and the people I work with. When I talk to classmates I graduated with I realize I have lucked out. I have a very knowledgeable preceptor and have learned sooo much from her. Her style of teaching is conducive to my style of learning. I look forward to working with her and the rest of the nurses on my shift. However recently there has been a shift in attitude from one of my coworkers and I have been informed through channels that she feels that my relationship with my preceptor is more then one of teacher and student. She has gone as far as to tell nurses on other floors that we are having an affair. My preceptor has been happily married for 27 years, has 2 grown children (one is 4 years younger then me) and is 14 years older then me. I am shocked by these lies and dumbfounded as to where they came from. I see it as a personal attack on my moral/ethical code.

My question is...what do I do? Should I report this to my manager, confront the nurse spreading the rumor? MY preceptor is finishing grad school for education and could become the nurse educator in the hospital when she graduates. I would hate for this it interfere with a promotion for her. Nor would I want it to crush any chances for me to advance. Any suggestions?

Thank You

[bnrn75]

thanks for all the advice. I was leaning towards ignoring it. I do have regular one on one mettings with my manager to discuss my progress and I might mention it at the next meeting. I know the truth and so does my preceptor... that all that counts.

I like this site, lots of valuable info.

[pielęgniarka, RN]

I pride myself with staying out of other's business and was surprised at work that there was a rumor going on about me a while back.

After stewing for a while, I pulled the co-worker into our med room and asked her in a polite voice: I heard you said ____ can I ask why you would do that? She of course said she heard it from someone else. I said- well I'll let you know 1sthand it's not true and its really not nice to spread rumors-- just like I was talking to a 10 year old. In my case confronting the gossiper made the situation better, she apologized for getting involved and it faded away.

thanks for all the advice. I was leaning towards ignoring it. I do have regular one on one mettings with my manager to discuss my progress and I might mention it at the next meeting. I know the truth and so does my preceptor... that all that counts.

I like this site, lots of valuable info.

[TopazLover, BSN, RN]

I think I would mention it to the manager. Malicious gossip usually has only a few people who start the rumors. These rumors can ruin a wonderful area to work in. It can do great harm not only to the employees, but also to the patients as some of the best nurses may decide to move on.

Gossips like this tend to be on power trips and these need to be stopped.

[gonzo1, ASN, RN]

You work with a bunch of women. There will always be rumors. Grow a thick skin and ignore it. It won't be long before the gossip mongers find someone else to target.

Make sure your demeanor around the preceptor is always professional.

We have a charge nurse who was all over one of the male nurses all the time, all flirty, and smiling, giggling. Of course it wasn't long before the rumors started flying.

If the rumors aren't coming from the people you work closest with don't bother with it.

[HouTx, BSN, MSN, EdD]

CONFRONT the rumor-monger. It may be harder than just waiting for everything to die down, but some action needs to be taken.

This is slander - and damaging to both your professional reputations. Nasty, back-biting people aren't used to having to deal with the consequences of their actions ... that's why they continue.

[NurseCard, ADN]

Hospital floors are total rumor mills. When they are through talking about you and your preceptor, they will move on to something else.

I've found that the more diverse the floor you work on, the less rumors and gossip there seems to be. I currently work on a floor that is mostly female, but there is one male RN, three African American nurses, and a group of nurses from Nepal. We are of many different ages and body types. Seems to somehow diminish competitiveness, when there is diversity.

I used to work on a Med Surge floor that was dominated by young, white women. Fur and claws flew all of the time.

After that I worked in a psychiatric hospital with many men and minorities, and I really loved that. Truly a breath of fresh air.

[back2thebooks]

Personally, I agree that ignoring it will make it go away...but it will only make it go away for you---the person will move on to their next "victim."

If I were you, I would walk up to this person, with a smile on my face and in a very calm tone, say very matter-of-fact like "Why are you saying that (insert preceptor's name here) and I are having an affair?" When/if the "bully answers", I wouldn't say another word. I would just keep looking at him/her in the eye with my unconfrontional smile and then I would walk-away. I wouldn't even say "Well, it's not true," because then I feel like you are engaging. This will put the person on the spot---they're clearly not expecting to be confronted. Like I said, I would do this with a smile on my face, in a light tone--very matter of fact. I wouldn't even pull them aside to ask this (unless of course, you are in front of patients). JMHO.

Sorry you are dealing with this.

[locolorenzo22, BSN, RN]

Being a man...you'll have to deal with all sorts of rumors flying around. If someone who was new to my unit came in and heard what we say to each other here and there....we are a VERY friendly bunch. We have a good time, while taking care of our patients. We vent, talk, catch up, make fun...etc. I could see how someone would say that I'm "overly" friendly....however, the more time you ignore it, the better. After all, if someone asked me directly, I'd say something...but I wouldn't care. You think what you wanna think....personally, I am a professional...and the more I ignore you the more I look like one.

[GrumpyRN63, ADN, RN]

In my experience, rumors die down fastest when they are ignored. You may want to quietly mention what you have been told to your preceptor, although she probably has already heard it herself. Then she can decide what, if anything, she wants to do.

I agree, since you have a good relationship (I mean that as in PROFESSIONAL OF COURSE), it sounds like she could be pretty approachable, tell her what you have heard, and she can approach the rumour mill if need be, otherwise, let it die