Handling rude co workers

TheCommuter, BSN, RN · Sep 2, 2014

People pick on others whom they perceive to be easy targets. These coworkers view you as an easy target, so they're rude. If they perceived you as someone who would actually put up a defense against their rude behaviors, they would have already moved on to others who are easier targets.

Call them out on their behavior during the next instance in which they act rudely. Make things uncomfortable for them. Use "I" statements. "I feel like this is a hostile work environment whenever you treat me badly." "I am not rude to you, so I expect you to not be rude to me."

Good luck to you.

TurtleN84 · Sep 2, 2014

I see what you're saying...maybe they see me that way because I keep quiet & keep to myself. I do this on purpose because in the past I've been burned by 'work friends' & don't want the same thing to happen again. I just want to do my job in a pleasant environment & go home.

Thank you!!

APRN., DNP, RN, APRN, NP · Sep 2, 2014

What you allow, you condone.

You are perfectly allowed to be assertive and inform others as to how you wish to be treated. Tell then that the eye rolling and such makes you feel like you work in a hostile work environment and you desire it to stop.

If their behavior continues, THEN you are perfectly justified in escalating your issues to a higher level.

jadelpn, LPN, EMT-B · Sep 2, 2014

Does the charge nurse then answer your question? I get that it is childish and rude to give people dirty looks, roll eye, and otherwise make work the unpopular table at Jr High lunch, however, only you can decide if it is worth it to confront this yourself. As you mentioned, work is work, home is home and if you can still do your job and get your questions answered, let them duke it out for homecoming queen and just do your thing.

Should you decide to attempt to work it out, I would say (in a calm, low tone) something like "I find your eyerolling and dirty looks unprofessional, rude and inappropriate in response to my questions."

With all that being said, if you are ever at a point where patient safety is an issue--meaning that they decline to assist you when a patient needs more than one person, they are giving you the incorrect information in answering your questions, or otherwise sabatoging your care of patients, then I would bring that right to the manager. "I attempted to point out and have discussion that charge and nurse xyz were being unprofessional and rude in the response to any questions I had or any help that I needed in patient care. That made everything escalate to the point that it became a hostile work enviroment, and a patient safety risk. My goal is safe effective patient care without worrying that my work is being hindered by a charge nurse and a co-worker who are seemingly being rude and unprofessional for apparent personal reasons."

Be careful with all of this, however. Because the charge nurse may not say "yes, I was wrong, I am sorry, won't happen again". More than likely, charge and company will more than likely have a "list" of things that you are "doing wrong". Tread carefully, if you do not have your own malpractice insurance, get it. If you have it, ask them what to do if it escalates to poor patient care due to this situation. If you have a union, just pass it by a delegate for input.

Dirty looks and eyerolling is childish and inappropriate behavior for adults in general. You know that. But if it crosses into issues with patients, then you need to act on it.

Sorry this is happening to you.

caliotter3 · Sep 2, 2014

Do nothing, don't acknowledge them, and you will suffer. Assert yourself, put them on notice, and you will suffer. It could go as far as you eventually losing your job. This generalized childish behavior is one reason why women have a hard time gaining respect in the professional work place.

APRN., DNP, RN, APRN, NP · Sep 2, 2014

Once upon a time, I was shy and reserved. I remember lamenting to my mother how I felt picked on as a new nurse and that I wanted to find a new job. She told me “There will always be people like that no matter where you go, what you do, or who you are, so you might as well learn how to deal with them now."

Well now.....that was pretty sage advice back then. Unfortunately, I didn’t know how to go about “dealing with them” because I didn’t have the tools to do so. It wasn’t until many years later before I developed a style of dealing with “people like that."

Might I offer you a shortcut? It’s a book called “Crucial Conversations” tools for talking when the stakes are high. Its VERY informative and was an eye opener for me. I hope it helps you as much as it helped me.

Crucial Conversations Tools for Talking When Stakes Are High, Second Edition: Kerry Patterson, Joseph Grenny, Ron McMillan, Al Switzler: 9780071771320: Amazon.com: Books

http://www.peace.ca/crucialconversations.pdf

TurtleN84 · Sep 2, 2014

I know! It's extremely childish! We're in our 30's & 40's and yet I feel like I'm in middle school...

TurtleN84 · Sep 2, 2014

Yeah! See I am very shy & reserved. I've only been in AZ 2 years, have no family or real friends here, I really think I've lost my confidence which makes me an easy target, unfortunately. Back home I was very confident & assertive; I've just lost it & that sucks. But yeah, I will check out that book. Thank you much!

jsaldanajrsa · Sep 2, 2014

My profession is hospital security. I am also a nurse's assistant as well. I have worked with different departments in the medical field, but I also continue to work side by side with RNs. It takes all kinds. This is what I do; I support them, ignore their comments and attitudes, and retain a professional caring attitude toward them, medical staff, and patients. May I add, I have been involved in ministry work for over 40 years now. Yes, I have many frustrating days. I decided years ago, I would set the mood for my work environment and not permit the negativity around me to conquer me or control me.

zieglarf, LVN · Sep 2, 2014

Lots of good advice, but my approach would be slightly different. I would keep it light-hearted and ask flat-out 'why are you rolling your eyes?' when they do it. Make a joke out it - 'what's on the ceiling?'

The other approaches put the people on the defensive and doesn't yield good results in my experience. Light-hearted works for me. YMMV. Light-hearted shows that you are not hurt or offended - meaning they don't get to you. They are not important enough to get to you.

Let them be the one to stew - not you.

jadelpn, LPN, EMT-B · Sep 2, 2014

Lots of good advice, but my approach would be slightly different. I would keep it light-hearted and ask flat-out 'why are you rolling your eyes?' when they do it. Make a joke out it - 'what's on the ceiling?'
The other approaches put the people on the defensive and doesn't yield good results in my experience. Light-hearted works for me. YMMV. Light-hearted shows that you are not hurt or offended - meaning they don't get to you. They are not important enough to get to you.
Let them be the one to stew - not you.

Personally, a "you know your eyes are gonna stay like that" wouldn't hurt either......(Ah, my sainted mother......)