how did you handle it?

Kitty Hawk, ADN, RN · Sep 12, 2008

I would reinforce to your husband that this is temporary and will be so much better in the end. He did agree to this in the beginning...no one said it would be easy...but you're in a partnership.

I'm super blessed as I don't do a thing around the house. Not cook, clean, laundrey, nothing...my husband and son (15 y/o) do it all for me. Maybe if you tell him there are others out there like me...there's a few of us in my class that have super supportive husbands like this...but yes, there are sadly some a-holes that leave to go out with the buddies while she's home taking care of a 2 y/o plus trying to put together a care map...so I know it goes on, but perhaps if you tell your husband there are people out there who do have supportive husbands he'll want to be on that team!

My husband fully gets the pressure and stress to do well. My plan is also to continue on for the MSN eventually so better than just passing will serve me better, plus I have to take the co-req's with the nursing classes (2nd year and getting easier on those thank God) So my plate is super full with studyng, prepping for clinicals, research papers etc...I am not spoiled in the least...I get what it's like to work 40 hours and take classes (I did that for many of my pre reqs) I used to be a single parent for 12 years. Right now it's rough with the economy but we're making it...and we still make time to do some things on the weekend and have "us" time and family...that's very important.

There's a lady in the 1st year class...who cries everyday and says her husband is a jacka$$ ...and I feel horrible for her. I've heard that NS can make or break some marriages, in fact one in our class left her after 4 weeks a year ago However she's still with us and sees it as a blessing now, they were married 3 years, and more than likely would have had problems down the line.

I'm sorry but I see guys that do this as supremely selfish...it's not a life sentence it's roughly 2 years...that would just chap my butt if I were married to someone like that! :angryfire However I get it...my exH would have never put up with this schedule....However my 2nd marriage....definitley got it right....LOVE that man! :redbeathe

Best luck to you....I'd tell him to bite the bullet...just that simple.

dani_girl · Sep 12, 2008

It is so tough, especially with a young child I don't have kids so I can only imagine.. as a recent grad here is some tips I used, and saw...

Study away from your house!!! Everyone thinks this is crazy, but it isn't.. even if you go to your library for 1 hour (or more) or a coffee house it helps.. those interruptions break your concentration and make you need to study longer.. plus for the person on the other side.. it looks like your just sitting there, and he (or she) only has A QUESTION (which turns into 20 minutes...) it will save you both.

Enlist the help of someone other than your husband to take care of the 2 y/o once in awhile.. give him a break too..

Some of my friends in school (trust me by the end they will be family!!) started having study groups which occassionally we would have a "kids allowed" day and those with kids would bring them to one house and we would set the kids up with activities and movies and study around them!

Two of my friends in class would swap kids for date nights with their husbands.. (you watch mine this friday, I will take yours next Saturday kinda thing) Even us without kids pitched in, and now two years later those kids are so important to me!!! I love watching them still!!!

It is hard, it can be stressful.. just remind yourself, and your hubby why you BOTH are doing this!!! Good luck

LMRN10 · Sep 12, 2008

Oh lord, the story of my life!!!! Yes, my mind was ALWAYS on school!!! Even when spending time with my family...what am I forgetting to do, hmmm...wonder if I'm ready for this test tomorrow. Did I do this or that??? I know the feeling. But you'll figure it out. I'm in 2nd semester and it is way different than first, so again, I am trying to figure out what works best for me! You'll get there. Just make sure you set aside specific time for school and spend time with your daughter. My daughter will be 3 on Monday and I made it a point to play Candy Land with her last night...it is very special now...the time we actually get to spend "quality" time together.

You'll get there...hang in there!!! And no one but those of us in nursing school understand the demands that are made on us!

BreezyFB · Sep 12, 2008

dani girl gave some good suggestion.

I'm not married, but my boyfriend and I broke up after 8 yrs in June and in July I received my acceptance letter into the program. As bad as I wanted to make it work, I totally took some time to think about things. I thought, maybe this is a sign from GOD that it was supposed to be this way. I took the remainder of the summer to get my mind, body and soul together for the up coming challenge I was about to partake in. I sent a very nice email to all of my supporters who knew my long struggle to get into the program. I often had talks with my 15 y/o son regarding the importance of me staying focus and as well as him well in school. My son attends a broading school and they study every night from 7:30-9:30 so, I make those time my study times as well (however, I study earlier and sometime later than that) to be able to talk when he calls regarding his day. I say all this to say, I feel that you must have a plan. I found that writing it down and post it up, you are more than likely to stick to it.

For your husband, I'm finding out that men are big babies and requires a lot of attention. So, make sure you plan some time for your hubby too.

spuropathy · Sep 12, 2008

Nursing school is a full-time job. You should let them know that, you are doing this for them.

deftonez188 · Sep 12, 2008

It is temporary, and chances are you can be his sugar momma on graduation

ADPIE10 · Sep 13, 2008

It sounds like you (you and your family) regret your decision, or aren't able to cope with your commitment.

JettaDP · Sep 13, 2008

It sounds like you (you and your family) regret your decision, or aren't able to cope with your commitment.

I must respectfully disagree with this statement.

Life gets harder in nursing school. We all know this. I am a single parent and things have gotten extremely difficult. It's hard to juggle school and my personal life. My boyfriend feels "neglected" from time to time. But I in no way regret my decision. And I know for a fact he doesn't either. Hard doesn't equal regret. I also don't feel that the OP's situation doesn't mean that she can't cope with the situation. She's coping with it by talking about it with people and asking for advice. I'd be willing to bet that her husband feels the same way my boyfriend does. Deep down, he probably knows how sacrificing a bit for two years is okay when the outcome is going to be so great. And if not, then they just need to talk it out. In the grand scheme of things and a lifelong marriage, 2 years is not that long.

intuition · Sep 13, 2008

I make sure to set aside one day, as our "family" day. No studying, working, or talking to classmates on the phone is allowed. If I catch myself starting to think about school, I stop myself:p.

I told my husband when this all started, he would pretty much be a single parent.

I remind him, that this is only temporary, and in the end our family of four will benefit from this.

I also try very hard to slip in a special date night, at least once a semester.

As for the house, yeah, I let that go. That was lowest on my priority list, I just caught up with it on my breaks. I am half way through NS, and this has worked so far for me.

chickapea · Sep 13, 2008

It sounds like you (you and your family) regret your decision, or aren't able to cope with your commitment.

I don't think the above statement is true.

It sounds like you've come upon a hard time and are just being open about it. Many people I know have struggled with similar issues. Heck, my husband and I have had to work out issues just with me going back to school to get my pre-reqs done. I also have to admit that there have been plenty of times that as a mom/wife I have felt guilty about my choice of returning to school. I however have no regrets and I know that we as a family can in fact cope. What does not make you get divorced, only makes you stronger :chuckle. Keep talking with your husband about it and let him know how much stress you're under. Together you might be able to make some changes that work for both of you. Take things one day at a time, enjoy the little moments you have together:redpinkhe, and do your best. You'll get through it for sure.

all_dressed_in_white · Sep 13, 2008

It was a good point made that to anyone else, it can look like we are just sitting there doing nothing. I'm lucky because my fiance is interested in what im learning (at least pretends to be :)) so I talk to him about what I'm studying and he asks questions and I have to think to answer them.. but i'm still spending time with him and he doesnt feel so shut out. The other thing is that he has his committments (tennis comps and such) and I dont begrudge him that. We both get out time out where I can study. Maybe if you do something like that, and have someone else watch your bub then, you both get 'you time'.

Anyway, I'm jibbering. The important thing to hold onto, I think, is how proud you, your hubbie, and your kids will be when you graduate.. and when you all look back and remember how hard those years were, but that you put in the effort and got through it.

Your family will be stronger for it, its just maintaining love and care for ecahother in the meantime.

Good luck!

:)