I am a first year RN student and am finding it very hard to juggle my personal life and student life. My husband just doesn't seem to get why I have to have study groups and lock myself in the bedroom to get some peace and quiet to study. I am also not able to do EVERYTHING around the house anymore and he gets frustrated about that. We decided together that me not working while in nursing school was the best thing so I could focus just on that, but lately he seems mad that we are kind of broke and then when I say something about me getting a job he is like, "no you need to focus on your school." I also have a child under the age of two and feel like when I am trying to take time to be a mother, my mind is always on school.
I was just wondering how anyone can handle all of this at one time? I am doing good in school, but i don't want my marriage to fall apart and feel like a bad mother.
Nursing school is hard in general, but yes, it does require developing juggling skills. I quit my job too when I started nursing school full time, and I have a husband and child, but admittedly my son is a teenager. I think that what I have had to do is brutally organize my time. On the weekends it is a lot of cleaning house and preparing meals to freeze. Although we do eat out way too much. And I have to plan out study times. If my son has games on the weekends or during the week I may have to schedule study time early in the morning before everyone gets up. I have also had to communicate the schedule to my husband and I keep a calendar in the kitchen that tells him appointments, games, when I have tests coming up, and when I have to work on group projects. I also tape lectures and listen to them on my IPOD when I am driving, when I am doing laundry, vacuuming, etc.
We also have worked out what my strengths are and what are my husbands. I am the only one who does laundry, and cleans the house, but I hate cooking. Luckily my husband likes to cook and so that is one thing I rely on him for.
Lastly, I have had to rethink my perfectionist attitude. My house definitely suffers when I am in school. I have had to tell myself that studying is more important than living with a dusty house, and I have had to stock up on socks and underwear, because there are weekends especially before tests, when laundry isn't happening. Sometimes I just do one load every day, but that all goes to the organizing and planning things out in advance. As for hubby, I know I am fortunate to have such a laid back guy. Neither son, or husband cares if the vacuuming doesn't happen right away. They don't even notice. The only time they kick up a fuss is when they run out of clean clothes( hence the purchase of lots of socks and underwear) LOL
Nursing school does put strain on relationships, so it is important to frequently communicate and approach it as something you are both doing together (getting through nursing school) to better your lives once you are done. My husband usually talks about going back to school once I am a nurse.
I guess having a sense of humor about it helps as well. I have a tee shirt that I got at a nursing student convention that says. "Not tonight dear I have clinicals in the morning"
Having such a young child is probably ten times harder, and I sympathize and also applaud you. It may not seem like it is going quite the way you want it to, but you are doing it, and like others said it is temporary. Don't spend another moment beating yourself up. You are doing the best you can.
Sending lots of hugs and encouragement from a sister nursing student, wife, and mom.
It sounds like you (you and your family) regret your decision, or aren't able to cope with your commitment.
I don't regret my decision, I am just struggling right now. I will work through this and just wanted some imput from fellow nursing students to find out what they did in the situation. I am a good student and feel I will be a wonderful nurse one day. Although I appreciate you taking the time to reply, I don't appreciate the negatism. I didn't post this to whine about my life. I thought that this website was for us to ask each other questions and try and help each other out. Next time remember the old saying, "If you can't say anything nice, don't say anything at all!"
I definately feel your pain.... I am a stay-at-home mom of 3 and full-time nursing student. My kids are of school age - so I tend to "study on the run"... I bring my notes everywhere and study every spare chance... You spend a lot of time waiting around when you are a mom... lol... like: waiting for dismissal time and waiting for extracurricular activities to end. Sometimes, I would drop them off somewhere (like gymnastics) and go and study for the hour between the time they went in and when they got out. Today my son had a birthday party at an amusement park... I wrote all the meds I am studying (on my HAND) - so, I could go over them while he was on the rides - lol.
Seriously though... it is important that you speak with your husband and get it all out in the open. Noone ever said it was going to be easy - and I know that my professors tell the class: "you are ours" - meaning - forget everything for the next 14 weeks. Maybe your husband just needs to verbalize his feelings in order to move forward.
This is just temporary - and when it is over, things will be much easier for you and your family. Living on one income is very difficult these days and I feel the pinch every single day. But I have to keep my mind set on the goal. Now that I am in my second year - that goal is within reach... and it makes things a little easier.
You said you are feeling like a bad mother... more than likely you just aren't spending as much time with your child as you would like to. So, perhaps you can set aside a certain time of the day that is exclusive for the two of you. It can be reading a book at bedtime, or the nightly bath... Something for the two of you to enjoy every day. Taking a half hour a day off from studing may even benefit you. You'll feel better about spending time with your child, and your mind will be clear to concentrate when you open the books.
Good luck to you. I wish you and your family well.
This is so very common. It takes a long time (and might not ever happen the whole time your a student) to get into a new routine. Your hubby is just a bit shocked at his added responsibility not only money wise, but also with helping out around the house and with the babe. Mine responds the same way when I suggest I get a job to help out. He does nothing around the house and thankfully the kids can grab a snack and toilet themselves. I agree that you need to take one day a week and devote it just to family. I get up earlier and make sure I can throw something together for dinner. Its easier to grab fast food, but I have to be careful with just one income.
It will take time, but keep your eyes on the prize and let your man know that it will pass. When your on break, you can clean, cook, and do everything else. Until then, everyone has to pitch in. I was shocked to realize how long I can go without scrubbing my kitchen floors and nobody seemed to really notice. Seeing as I know, I bought a steamer and I have clean floors in less than 10 minutes. Good luck and please know that this is common. Good luck
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NurseJeanB
453 Posts
Nursing school is hard in general, but yes, it does require developing juggling skills. I quit my job too when I started nursing school full time, and I have a husband and child, but admittedly my son is a teenager. I think that what I have had to do is brutally organize my time. On the weekends it is a lot of cleaning house and preparing meals to freeze. Although we do eat out way too much. And I have to plan out study times. If my son has games on the weekends or during the week I may have to schedule study time early in the morning before everyone gets up. I have also had to communicate the schedule to my husband and I keep a calendar in the kitchen that tells him appointments, games, when I have tests coming up, and when I have to work on group projects. I also tape lectures and listen to them on my IPOD when I am driving, when I am doing laundry, vacuuming, etc.
We also have worked out what my strengths are and what are my husbands. I am the only one who does laundry, and cleans the house, but I hate cooking. Luckily my husband likes to cook and so that is one thing I rely on him for.
Lastly, I have had to rethink my perfectionist attitude. My house definitely suffers when I am in school. I have had to tell myself that studying is more important than living with a dusty house, and I have had to stock up on socks and underwear, because there are weekends especially before tests, when laundry isn't happening. Sometimes I just do one load every day, but that all goes to the organizing and planning things out in advance. As for hubby, I know I am fortunate to have such a laid back guy. Neither son, or husband cares if the vacuuming doesn't happen right away. They don't even notice. The only time they kick up a fuss is when they run out of clean clothes( hence the purchase of lots of socks and underwear) LOL
Nursing school does put strain on relationships, so it is important to frequently communicate and approach it as something you are both doing together (getting through nursing school) to better your lives once you are done. My husband usually talks about going back to school once I am a nurse.
I guess having a sense of humor about it helps as well. I have a tee shirt that I got at a nursing student convention that says. "Not tonight dear I have clinicals in the morning"
Having such a young child is probably ten times harder, and I sympathize and also applaud you. It may not seem like it is going quite the way you want it to, but you are doing it, and like others said it is temporary. Don't spend another moment beating yourself up. You are doing the best you can.
Sending lots of hugs and encouragement from a sister nursing student, wife, and mom.
Jean