Getting a Spouse's Support

Jules A, MSN · Oct 7, 2006

I really, really appreciate this feedback, b/c it is helping me understand where my husband is coming from. Please let me know if I'm making any sense. :nuke: Thank you!!!!!!!

Wow, I must have misunderstood. You are the one that put this topic out here for all the world to see. Sorry, won't bother you again.

:confused:

DUECSON · Oct 8, 2006

Hi, i have a BS in Psychology and there is not much a person can do with it unless one had a MS degree. Most undergraduate psych degree holder work in social service jobs. The starting salary is 23k-28k. I am an LPN and is going back to school in Jan. 07. I got accepted in Aug., but decided not to attend, I had a death in the family. I have spoken with many Doctors where I work(military hospital) They have told me that they would hire a person with a ADN before someone with a BS Psychology because you can do more with nursing and the starting pay for me would double. Follow your heart and pursue your dreams in the end it will pay off. I'm sure whatever you decide your family will be very proud of you.

collegebound · Oct 8, 2006

Well, ummm, I wasn't thinking that drastic but especially if you are thinking about having a child I can't imagine wanting to have that debt looming over you. A baby costs a lot and also inhibits your ability to work or increases your bills for child care. What if you or your husband become ill? I know its hard to imagine but as you get into your late 30's, early 40's that is often when health issues raise their ugly head.
It sounds like your mind is made up and mybe its just me, but again, no way I'm giving up a years worth of my salary and living on loans, unless its a year long hiatus in the Bahamas, lol. Seriously though please keep in mind that money problems can be the #1 reason marriages run into trouble so I'd make sure your hubby is on board and not just folding to your arguments. Good luck!

Jules A brought up very valid points--I don't think her response was out of line at all. I am a SAHM of 2 and already have 10K in debt and feel the pressure. My husband as well, as he has all finacial responsibility right now. You are not just asking your husband to go to school--you are asking him to be the sole provider when he is used to having your support as well. I am not saying I don't think you should do it--I am all for nursing and improving life. Your husband just might be a little intimidated by the added responsibility. At any rate, I hope you both come to a complete agreement and you are able to follow your dreams. Best of luck!

SummerGarden, BSN, MSN, RN · Oct 8, 2006

I agree with the posters that are against incurring more debt. I had a similar conversation with my husband over 5 years ago. It was not fair to our financial future for me to incur more debt. By the way, I have two degrees.

So when I actually quit my job, we already paid off all of our CCs and car loans. I had also saved up money to attend the local ADN program. We also were financially in the position to live on one income. Thus, I am not costing us a dime.

I will attend a ADN then RN-BSN programs paying cash. I plan to use my savings and work part-time to get through the ADN program. I am applying for scholarships but if I do not get them, we will be fine.

For the RN-BSN program I will be applying for scholarships and sponsors. Again, if I do not get them we will be fine. I will be attending school part-time and working as a Registered Nurse full-time.

Your husband has valid concerns. The reality is, if you add a lot of debt to your current debt, making $60,000/year will not do anything for you two financially. You will be broke and you will feel the pain.

Not to mention, that despite a nursing shortage, sometimes it can be hard for new grads to find a job. Those that do, don't always keep them for very long.

Start reading the posts on this board to get a better sense of reality. Life is too short and full of surprises to dig yourself into more debt. Good luck. :wink2:

CMSNYC · Oct 10, 2006

One of the things that really keeps me from jumping into nursing school full throttle ahead is the thought of incurring all this additional debt. I'm 35 and just finished paying off my two undergraduate student loans, all my credit card bills and 3 months of law school loans. Right now my only bills are the basic necessities: mortgage, food, utilities and the thought of entering my 40's with tons of student loan debt is not one that I find too appealing, so I'm looking at alternate ways of doing this instead of relying on student loans.

The other thing I wanted to say is to please not get offended at what Jules was saying about the realities of having children, health issues and the pressure of financial problems.

The reality is that it DOES cost a lot of money to have a healthy baby, what happens if you have one with special needs?

My best friend passed away at the age of 42 due to complications from a stroke and diabetes. She spent 4 months in ICU. Her husband and her were very good financially, but still alot of their savings were wiped out due to her illness.

If it's your dream to become a nurse, then I say go for it and do everything it can to make it a reality. But keep your mind open to the possibility that maybe it wouldn't make the most financial sense to quit working and do an accelerated program right now. In my 20's I would definitely cash everything in and do it that way. But things are WAY different at 35 and there's no way I would just cash in my salary, health benefits and other perks like vacation and sick time.

Good luck to you in whatever you choose.

nurse4theplanet, RN · Oct 10, 2006

Jules, perhaps you really are trying to be helpful, but you sound quite condescending with your life lessons on children and marriage.
I guess agreeing to disagree was too much to ask and you had to get personal.
Thanks to everyone else for offering their take on the situation.

You asked for opinions...and you got one. You don't have to agree with her but she is free to post it and I think she did so tastefully.

I ran into the same problem when I spoke to my husband about continuing education after my ADN. He was under the impression that all I needed was an RN and that I would be happy as a bedside nurse for the rest of my life.

I sat him down and told him my motivation for wanting to pursue a higher degree, including all the opportunities that would be available. I spoke to him about the various tracks: NPs, CRNAs, CNSs, Research, Teaching. I also spoke about the downside of NOT continuing my education. His major concern was the student loan issue. In our case, the hospital that I am working for pays back student loans...so my ADN will be nearly free. They also offer tuition reimbursement for continuing education, so I will be reimbursed for my BSN. There are also loans available through the state for NP routes, should I choose. And as far as CRNA, I explained to him that should we choose that avenue that the loans accrued would pale in comparison to the benefits reaped after completion. I then told him to think about it for awhile, and I would answer any questions he had. In a few weeks, he went from being against me going further to being completely on board!

stpauligirl · Oct 10, 2006

I am applying to an accelerated BSN program that begins next June. I believe I have a good chance of getting in.
If I am accepted, I would need to quit my job. And there is the trouble....
I feel like my husband will not be in board with this. I already have 45k in student loans, and will need to take out another 25-30k for tuition and living expenses for the 1 year BSN.
Personally, I feel the 75k total debt will be worth it, both for having a job I love, and for the increase in salary from what I am making now (45k) to what I can safely assume I will make as a nurse (65k to start - NYC).
My husband FREAKS when he hears about more debt. I am really despairing of having to "talk him into" me going to nursing school.
Has anyone else been in this position?
We have no children, are in our mid-30's, and I just feel like if ever there was a time to do this, it's now.

You need to have to let your husband know how important it is to you to become a nurse. He needs to understand how much your personal happiness (and ultimately his) depends on you persuing your goal. Consult a financial advisor, and maybe a marriage counselor to help you find a way to adjust things.

aureliey · Oct 10, 2006

We had a preliminary talk last night. I told him I wanted to do an accelerated program, and how it would mean not working for 12 months, plus the cost of tuition. He asked a few questions, thought some, and we ended with he'll think about it some more.
To the person who asked about working at a hospital: where I live there are not programs for becoming an RN, but there are RN-BSN programs for employees. There are tuition reimbursement programs, but I want to do this in the next year or two, not three or four, b/c we want to have a child.
Thanks everyone for your replies. I can see how differently people feel about this, and it helps to understand my husband's perspective. Thanks again.
ETA: Someone wrote to me about how if I died my spouse would be responsible for my student loan debt. Not entirely true - federally funded loans are not transferrable to a spouse unless they co-signed (mine is undergrad debt, pre-spouse) or the couple has consolidated their joint student loan debt. Private bank loans are another matter.

I think you should totally go for it, and not worry about the debt right now. I'm almost halfway through an accelerated program, and did quit my job I(which I was making 43K), and was very nervous at first, but I feel it's so worth it now. I also have other student loan debt, and know I will also have to pay this back. But while I'm in school now, the student loans are in deferrment, and since they were subsidized, I don't pay interest during this period. Even if yours are not subsidized, the interest on student loans is usually low, and at the end of the year you can always deduct interest payments. I also will be deducting tuition for this year, on my taxes.

So you can get some breaks.

I am early 30s and not married yet, but my boyfriend of 4 yrs has been very supportive. I took out a withdrawal on my 401K to pay for some expenses, but my boyfriend said I shouldn't take more out, and is helping me financially until I'm done. We plan on getting married next year anyway.

He thinks it's a worthwhile investment, going to school.

I know many people that spent $30-40K on a wedding (which is just 1 day) and many of them can't afford to buy the house they want or even go on a honeymoon. I know in the east coast, weddings are expensive and people sometimes get loans for them or use all their lifetime savings, and say it's WORTHWHILE TO THEM, to have their big wedding.

Well to me it's worthwhile to go to nursing school, and we're not even having a big wedding, just a very intimate affair and it's doesn't bother me at all since I'm happy with that.

I also agree that if you're mid thirties, you should go to school now, rather than a few yrs from now, since you realistically we as women don't have alot of time to children.

When people suggest going to school part time, or getting a job in a hospital, it's unrealistic since w/o a nursing background you may only be able to train for a nurse's aide, and some hospitals may not offer tuition reimbursement for them. They usually do it for an LPN who wants to be an RN, or an ADN, who wants to go for a BSN.

Or if you go to nursing school part time, it will take you much longer, and you will postpone childbearing even longer, which may not be favorable for you later on.

Even if you have a child now, and go to school in a couple yrs, it may be even more stressful, since you have to deal with daycare, etc. etc.

I know people who have children and are in my program, but they all say it's difficult and wish they had done it before they had kids. They don't have a choice now, but you do. I just say follow your heart and don't worry about the debt.

I know some new medical students who I met at my clinical rotations, that owe over $200K, and are not so worried about it, since they really want to follow their career dream and know they will make up the money later.

Good luck and hope you get into a program.

aureliey · Oct 10, 2006

Hi, i have a BS in Psychology and there is not much a person can do with it unless one had a MS degree. Most undergraduate psych degree holder work in social service jobs. The starting salary is 23k-28k. I am an LPN and is going back to school in Jan. 07. I got accepted in Aug., but decided not to attend, I had a death in the family. I have spoken with many Doctors where I work(military hospital) They have told me that they would hire a person with a ADN before someone with a BS Psychology because you can do more with nursing and the starting pay for me would double. Follow your heart and pursue your dreams in the end it will pay off. I'm sure whatever you decide your family will be very proud of you.

I also have a BA in Psych and agree that there's not many career options. I never found a decent paying job with that degree, and ended up working in a field (business) that didn't even require that degree.

I know with nursing, there are many more career options.

aureliey · Oct 10, 2006

Not to mention, that despite a nursing shortage, sometimes it can be hard for new grads to find a job. Those that do, don't always keep them for very long.
Start reading the posts on this board to get a better sense of reality. Life is too short and full of surprises to dig yourself into more debt. Good luck. :wink2:

Well I think it depends where a person lives. I am in NY, and can tell you that I know several people who just graduated the program I am in, and they all had job offers even before they took their NCLEX. A good friend of mine just started in a NYC hospital, making over $60K, plus a 10K bonus, and just graduated in August. She used to make only $35K before she started nursing school, so it seems like she did a good investment.

There are many job openings for new grads in NY, Conn, NJ, and these are the areas I will be looking, so it's good for me at least.

CMSNYC · Oct 10, 2006

Well I think it depends where a person lives. I am in NY, and can tell you that I know several people who just graduated the program I am in, and they all had job offers even before they took their NCLEX. A good friend of mine just started in a NYC hospital, making over $60K, plus a 10K bonus, and just graduated in August. She used to make only $35K before she started nursing school, so it seems like she did a good investment.
There are many job openings for new grads in NY, Conn, NJ, and these are the areas I will be looking, so it's good for me at least.

I live in NYC and I make over $60k now and it was my experience that between Manhattan rent, $20k in student loans, credit card bills, and basic necessities, it was sometimes hard to make it stretch especially when something unexpected comes up. (Like $400 to have my apartment fumagated when a new neighbor brought along all his roaches). And that's being single.

I work for plenty of attorneys right now who start at over $120k a year right out of law school and some of them really do struggle because their minimum payments on their law school loans are sometimes $200-$400 a month.

In the long run, it will be worth it, but her decision is going to effect her husband so I don't think it's fair to either of them for her to just cash everything in, take loans for everything and worry about it later. IMHO

nynurse2be · Oct 10, 2006

Thanks everyone for your insight.

Since a few have a commented on it, I'll address my sensitivity to Jules' 2nd post: what I asked for was if anyone had been in a similar situation. I did appreciate her insight into my husband's perspective, even though I didn't ask for it. What I did not appreciate was the comments on children and marriage stress. Like I said, they sounded condescending to me, as if as a 35 year old woman I don't know that children are a responsibility and that financial troubles can cause stress in a relationship. Like someone said, we are all entitled to our opinions - she expressed hers, I expressed mine.

We still haven't come to a decision. The replies here have really got me thinking, and I will apply to an ADN program in addition to the BSN. I really prefer to do the BSN, esp with children on the horizon, but the strain of loans makes me a bit hesitant, even though the job market here in NYC is very good, and we have no cc debt and a resonable mortgage. You all have provided eye opening perscpectives. Thanks again.