Getting harassed at work and not sure what to do about it?

**NICU Guy, BSN, RN** · Nov 3, 2020

On 11/1/2020 at 8:35 AM, Jnurse153 said:

I offered one of my co-workers a ride home but, gave a day to think about it. In hindsight I kind of regret it but, I am glad I gave her time to think about it cause she said no. The couple of days were awkward and so I gave her space. I think she thought I liked her which was not true at all! The problem is that I felt like this person used that situation to her advantage and try to get more power/leadership position over me. I spoke up to supervisor when it started to get out of control and I am not sure what happened but, things settled down for a bit. I was pretty escatic and I made sure not to do anything wrong again.

This is a whole bunch of drama over an offer to give a co-worker a ride home. Why is this such a big deal? If I offered any of my co-workers a ride home, it would be seen as what it is, a ride home.

So, your co-worker is trying to use an offer for a ride home into a power position? How does that even happen? I would tell your co-worker to go **** herself. If she took an offer to give her a ride home as anything other than a ride home, then that is her problem.

On 11/1/2020 at 8:35 AM, Jnurse153 said:

Problem is that a couple of the more experienced nurses, especially one that is retiring are now harassing me/treating me unprofessionally. I try to be cordially but, the behavior still continues and the person who I had the problem with is back to her old behavior. I am really not sure what to do in this position. I feel like its best to leave and look for another job but, I have only been here for 2 months

How is she harassing you and treating you unprofessionally? Go to your supervisor and have them handle it. If they don't take care of it, then you have three choices: Stand up to the bully and make them back down, put up with the harassment, or quit.

The theme of this post is that you are choosing not to stand up for yourself. The fact that you are a new nurse is irrelevant. These are personal attacks and have nothing to do with your nursing skills.

JKL33 · Nov 4, 2020

On 11/3/2020 at 8:07 AM, NICU Guy said:

So, your co-worker is trying to use an offer for a ride home into a power position? How does that even happen? I would tell your co-worker to go **** herself. If she took an offer to give her a ride home as anything other than a ride home, then that is her problem.

There's a little more to it than that. First of all, it isn't exactly common for guys to seek to give rides to anyone and everyone.

Next, this doesn't exactly sound like a situation where someone was going to be stranded in a dark alley without the OP's assistance.

Read:

On 11/1/2020 at 8:35 AM, Jnurse153 said:

I offered one of my co-workers a ride home but, gave a day to think about it. In hindsight I kind of regret it but, I am glad I gave her time to think about it cause she said no. The couple of days were awkward and so I gave her space.

Who needs all this space and time to think about a ride home if that's all it is? No one. You either need one or you don't. So regardless of the OP's intention (if he is being honest with himself) he made it bigger than it was. Even the OP speaks of it as something more than a casual "let me know if I can help..." He's the one who approached it more like a marriage proposal than a simple ride home.

I suspect the OP has made himself look a little odd if for no other reason than being too neurotic in his approach to asking someone if they want a ride.

His coworkers should move on and leave it alone since he isn't causing them any real trouble. It's too bad that people are immature and can be unforgiving because of their own weaknesses.

MDBoy · Nov 16, 2020

On 11/1/2020 at 8:35 AM, Jnurse153 said:

Hi everyone,

So I am a male nurse who just graduated this year! I got a job working at a dialysis nurse.

So initially everything in orientation went great, the first couple of days were in a classroom type setting no problem their. Then we got to go on the hospital floor and it was great for a couple of days and then me and I of my co-workers had a bit of conflict. I offered one of my co-workers a ride home but, gave a day to think about it. In hindsight I kind of regret it but, I am glad I gave her time to think about it cause she said no. The couple of days were awkward and so I gave her space. I think she thought I liked her which was not true at all! The problem is that I felt like this person used that situation to her advantage and try to get more power/leadership position over me. I spoke up to supervisor when it started to get out of control and I am not sure what happened but, things settled down for a bit. I was pretty escatic and I made sure not to do anything wrong again.

Problem is that a couple of the more experienced nurses, especially one that is retiring are now harassing me/treating me unprofessionally. I try to be cordially but, the behavior still continues and the person who I had the problem with is back to her old behavior. I am really not sure what to do in this position. I feel like its best to leave and look for another job but, I have only been here for 2 months. The company paid me to do orientation and even though I am still not done with orientation. I feel bad about leaving because I feel like I am just taking their money away but, at the same time I don't want to deal with this kind of harassment. I feel like if I talk to a supervisor again they are not going to look kindly towards me because I am a new nurse and I am complaining about other co-workers who have been their for years.

OMG dude if that is the case I am legitimately so sorry that she is doing that.. That's despicable. Bad karma has a way of finding it's owner again. Don't worry about that part, trust. Anyway, just learn a lesson from this...This is part of a game that is played by very small groups of insecure, boring people who have nothing innately interesting about themselves and they know it. Good luck to you, and keep your head down and focused on what the game is right now which is to get a good reference at this, your first nursing job. Handle it as a professional would and they will respect you for that I am sure.

P.s. I am almost certain she must've worked in customer service as like a waitress or something, this behavior is notorious and super common in the restaurant industry I've seen and had it done to me as a bartender/waiter by petty "losers" you could call them. At end of day, I am pursing my dreams and living my goals into existence daily and they are doing exactly same thing as last time I saw them, guaranteed, the lot of them... Keep it up brother you should be so proud of yourself. It's a test of your fortitude it sounds like. Not by staff, but because you needed it at this time, the universe had decided this I think. ?This is but a blip on your career's pathway. Really.

MDBoy · Nov 16, 2020

On 11/4/2020 at 1:53 PM, JKL33 said:

There's a little more to it than that. First of all, it isn't exactly common for guys to seek to give rides to anyone and everyone.

Next, this doesn't exactly sound like a situation where someone was going to be stranded in a dark alley without the OP's assistance.

Read:

Who needs all this space and time to think about a ride home if that's all it is? No one. You either need one or you don't. So regardless of the OP's intention (if he is being honest with himself) he made it bigger than it was. Even the OP speaks of it as something more than a casual "let me know if I can help..." He's the one who approached it more like a marriage proposal than a simple ride home.

I suspect the OP has made himself look a little odd if for no other reason than being too neurotic in his approach to asking someone if they want a ride.

His coworkers should move on and leave it alone since he isn't causing them any real trouble. It's too bad that people are immature and can be unforgiving because of their own weaknesses.

Granted, we are all just assuming the particulars, but doesn't your gut inform you about the reality which is that she probably read into his unease with which he offered it, for he probably could instinctually determine at that point that this would be a high possible outcome. Our bodies can intone body language. They both read each others it sounds like it was uneasy and an awkward exhange. He was likely trying to be a "nice guy" which is commendable but not wise....As it can be taken for weakness and it was clearly used as a cudgel to dirty his name and gain more dominion for her own little world she has going on there, probably gossiping, playing politics and all the while dirtying this poor man's name as a new nursing grad. If what it seems like is the case, shame on her that is so ugly...

caliotter3 · Nov 16, 2020

If you allow this to force you out of your job, you are going to have quite a lot of difficulty down the road. There are many people in many workplaces who act hostile, whether overt or behind your back and they have many an award for making coworkers miserable. Don’t give up your paycheck for something this petty or you won’t learn how to avoid the bigger dangers.

JKL33 · Nov 18, 2020

On 11/16/2020 at 8:42 AM, MDBoy said:

but doesn't your gut inform you about the reality which is that she probably read into his unease with which he offered it

Yes. I do think that's possible. That's why I wrote:

On 11/4/2020 at 1:53 PM, JKL33 said:

I suspect the OP has made himself look a little odd if for no other reason than being too neurotic in his approach to asking someone if they want a ride.

But if she read into it, I can't say whether her conclusion was that she was actually creeped out (possible) or just decided to use it as an opportunity to be a complete jerk, as you suggested, which, for the record, I also think is quite possible.

BeatsPerMinute, BSN, RN · Nov 19, 2020

On 11/4/2020 at 1:53 PM, JKL33 said:

There's a little more to it than that. First of all, it isn't exactly common for guys to seek to give rides to anyone and everyone.

Next, this doesn't exactly sound like a situation where someone was going to be stranded in a dark alley without the OP's assistance.

Read:

Who needs all this space and time to think about a ride home if that's all it is? No one. You either need one or you don't. So regardless of the OP's intention (if he is being honest with himself) he made it bigger than it was. Even the OP speaks of it as something more than a casual "let me know if I can help..." He's the one who approached it more like a marriage proposal than a simple ride home.

I suspect the OP has made himself look a little odd if for no other reason than being too neurotic in his approach to asking someone if they want a ride.

His coworkers should move on and leave it alone since he isn't causing them any real trouble. It's too bad that people are immature and can be unforgiving because of their own weaknesses.

Agree

MarkMyWords · Nov 27, 2020

A ride home should just be a ride home but more and more women don't see it that way, not for a long time. Most guys and ladies assume (falsely?) that more is involved and may think "ride home" means sex. Happens all the time everywhere in world, whether it is coffee or just a walk. Since you are in a female dominated workplace, keep your ideas for driving someone to a destination silent. Even if it is pouring or snowing outside. Wait for them to ask you and don't mention that you are driving--- or you have a new Camry. Just say I am trying to be nice or polite. No one needs a day to think about it. Would you have asked another man if he wanted a ride home? Probably not. Is she attractive to you?

She thinks you like her now and feels that any personal interaction will give you hope or the wrong idea... But don't feel insulted... she may avoid you now. It has happened to me a few times. It's disconcerting.

(If she was attracted to you and single, she'd be glad to ride with you.)

Surfin_Nurse, LVN · Jan 23, 2021

Tell her that you want to handle this in the parking lot after work. Just like high school students did. Because this is a high school situation. Hahah just kidding. Honestly be the more mature one and don’t let it bug you. Go to work for your patients, and not to make friends.

Orca, ADN, ASN, RN · Apr 19, 2021

On 11/3/2020 at 5:07 AM, NICU Guy said:

So, your co-worker is trying to use an offer for a ride home into a power position? How does that even happen?

I was wondering the same thing. Either she is a supervisor or she isn't.

SansNom · Apr 21, 2021

Sounds to me like there's a lot more nuance to the story than the OP is sharing.
Just randomly offering a ride? Waiting 2 days for a response? Now there's a weird dynamic with everyone at work created because of it?

Just doesn't add up.