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Getting Divorced During Nursing School

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by NBMom1225 NBMom1225 (New Member) New Member

NBMom1225 specializes in Surgical/MedSurg/Oncology/Hospice.

6,433 Visitors; 248 Posts

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Has anyone else had the pleasure of going through a divorce during nursing school? I've been married 11+ years and have 2 children, and hubby decided he wanted a divorce just ONE WEEK :trout: before I got my acceptance letter to Nursing school (I start this Fall)...kind of took the excitement out of getting in! Things have been bad for a long time, so I said I wanted a divorce too which really caught him off guard!LOL Guess he shouldn't have always thrown out the threat of a divorce everytime he didn't get his way!

We seem to be in agreement about the big things like custody so that shouldn't be an issue. He's being an idiot about child support though, telling me I'll have to go out and get a job to make up the difference in $$ and skip Nursing school...I don't think so! Especially since I gave up school once already to be the sole caregiver when our youngest was born with cancer (in remission now for 5yr 11mos 8days :yelclap: ) Our final court hearing should be sometime during my first semester of the Nursing program, and I'm worried that the whole thing will distract me. Does anyone have any tips on staying focused on school while going through a divorce? Thanks!

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chuck1234 specializes in Nurses who are mentally sicked.

6,768 Visitors; 629 Posts

It is going to be a kind of distraction, but how to handle it....I think it is in your hands. If you choose to be bothered, it will bother you. Just go one step at a time then.... Good luck!!!!

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Lisa CCU RN specializes in Geriatrics, Cardiac, ICU.

6,938 Visitors; 1,531 Posts

Well, for one, he may be required to continue to support you while you are in nursing school since you are the primary caregiver. What kind of job does he expect you'll get to support two children? Do you have a previous degree? If not, he is probably on the hook for spousal support until you get one. Duh, I just read that you gave up school, so be SURE to ask your lawyer about spousal support.

You say you agree on everything, but he needs to help you finsh school so you can support the kids and he needs to pay child support. IT is both your responsibilty to care for them.

I wouldn't be surprised if he puts up a real fight and all this agreement goes out the window. DO NOT move out with the kids or leave them with him and if HE leaves, ask him to still pay the bills. If he was the one working, he has still got to continue or it will look really bad for him.

Sounds like someone is threatened by your completing nursing school. That's a real shame.

Do not let yourself be short changed in this. I am getting a divorce, but I wouldn't say I was "going through" anything since I 'm getting it by default since he won't sign anything nor contest it. I can't even find him at this point to serve him!

I only get upset about it when I'm not in school (like on breaks). I'm too busy to think about it while in school. I did go talk to a counselor and that helped alot.

Time heals all wounds as long as you tend to them.

Good luck.

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562 Visitors; 10 Posts

I went though a separation and divorce during nursing school also. My son was less than a year old when I started going to school for my 4 year degree. I worked multiple jobs for what equated to full time hours, went to school full time and also took care of my son. I got little rest and I sacrificed like crazy because I was only married to my husband for little over a year and there was definitely going to be no alimony. As a matter of fact I barely even got child support at that time. Still, I managed to go straight though without failing one course or having to send my son to live with anyone. My mind set was that I could sacrifice for that 4 years and know that after that I would be able to make a living which would allow me to take care of both me and my son, or I could spend the rest of my life working 2 or 3 jobs to make ends meet. Even today I look back and barely remember some of it since my life was a blur of activity back then. I am sure that you can do it, just know that it will not be easy.

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21,306 Visitors; 6,487 Posts

Well, it's not him that sets the child support amount, it's the courts. And if going to school will help you be able to better provide for the children you share, then it's a good thing.

First thing that crossed my mind when you said he told you not to go to school but get a job: he's afraid. He doesn't want you to be independent and that's what graduating from nursing school and getting your license will do: give you more independence than he's comfortable with.

And that's terrific about your child's remission!

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crissrn27 has 8 years experience and specializes in nursery, L and D.

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I went through a separation and divorce when I was in nursing school. I had two children, ages at the time 2y/o and 4weeks old. I would, if I could do it over, ask for alimony and child support. At the time, I just wanted the jerk GONE! I have never, never, gotten a dime of child support and this was 10 years ago. Get that settled now, through the court system, don't depend on a verbal, or even written agreement. Make it legal.

That being said, I worked the whole time I was in school. First as a waitress, and then as a LPN. That was back when you could do LPN NCLEX after 3 semesters. A lot of schools aren't doing that now. It was hard,and my grades suffered. I also had a pretty good family that would help with the kids when I had a big test, etc. But I didn't have the 4.0 I would have liked. Hey, maybe I wouldn't have had the 4.0 anyway, lol. I got it done, finished with ADN when my kids were 4y/o and 2y/o. So, don't let this stop you!

It sounds like you have been through a lot, so obviously you are tough. You can do this!

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allantiques4me specializes in Brain injury,vent,peds ,geriatrics,home.

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Ive never been through a divorce.I still feel compelled to give you my condolences.Its so sad.And your baby was born with cancer???Im so sorry for those rough things that were thrown your way.God Bless you.

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5,619 Visitors; 1,343 Posts

I don't suppose you guys can reconcile, can you? Or at least postpone this action, take some cooling off time and try to make your marriage come alive again?

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NBMom1225 specializes in Surgical/MedSurg/Oncology/Hospice.

6,433 Visitors; 248 Posts

I don't suppose you guys can reconcile, can you? Or at least postpone this action, take some cooling off time and try to make your marriage come alive again?

There is definitely no chance of a reconciliation. To make a long story short, he has been an over-the-road truck driver for the past five years gone for 3-4 wks at a time (and then home for only 3 days), has cheated on me, and been verbally abusive. While the next few years won't be easy, I have a great network of family support and know that "this too shall pass"! Thanks to everyone for all of the encouragement

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21,306 Visitors; 6,487 Posts

Reconcile? Dump his sorry ass and keep going in your life!! Do not let him hold you back. "Get a job and quit nursing school....".........yeah, right.

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buddiage has 10 years experience and specializes in critical care transport.

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Has anyone else had the pleasure of going through a divorce during nursing school? I've been married 11+ years and have 2 children, and hubby decided he wanted a divorce just ONE WEEK :trout: before I got my acceptance letter to Nursing school (I start this Fall)...kind of took the excitement out of getting in! Things have been bad for a long time, so I said I wanted a divorce too which really caught him off guard!LOL Guess he shouldn't have always thrown out the threat of a divorce everytime he didn't get his way!

We seem to be in agreement about the big things like custody so that shouldn't be an issue. He's being an idiot about child support though, telling me I'll have to go out and get a job to make up the difference in $$ and skip Nursing school...I don't think so! Especially since I gave up school once already to be the sole caregiver when our youngest was born with cancer (in remission now for 5yr 11mos 8days :yelclap: ) Our final court hearing should be sometime during my first semester of the Nursing program, and I'm worried that the whole thing will distract me. Does anyone have any tips on staying focused on school while going through a divorce? Thanks!

I am a current student who has battled with the school issue and my husbands "desires" (or control, more appropriate). It took him a few years, and he has grown leaps and bounds. He was afraid, felt that I would find a "doctor" and leave him (which tells me he knew he was an a**hole to me).

Things are much different, and I have to say that the divorce card gets played a lot less.

I think this is very common with SAHM's. I think the man you describe as being the father to your child needs to be relocated to the nearest trash bin, where he belongs. It's possible your family will have been praying for you to leave such a jerk. He could also be exposing you to STD's, or worse, if he's a cheater.

I have a few classmates that are on the verge of divorce with their husbands, and some husbands are pulling a bunch of BS (much of it has to deal with loss of control) such as borderline cheating, (had a friend whose husband told her the night before finals that he was leaving her...imagine that??)

I can't give advice on how to stay focused, except for the fact that your future (that is yours for the taking), depends on it. If you want a future in nursing, you can have it, my friend. It is up to you. It is not impossible for you to go to school and deal with this. You just need to get organized, as all nursing students who are mothers do.

Of COURSE he will try to scare you and intimidate you by telling you how hard your life will be without him. Let me assure you, once you realize how free you are and how much you truly have going for you, you're only going to become more and more successful, and your hindsight will become clearer.

Organize yourself, understand that what he tells you is not your fate but rather his last ditch effort to sabatoge your confidence and determination (a dangerous thing) to succeed.

You can do it. Others have, others are, and so can you.

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jkw_83RN is a BSN, RN and specializes in Telemetry, ER, SICU.

1,290 Visitors; 31 Posts

I have not been divorced, but I did have a nasty break up after a 7 year relationship with my son's dad. My son was 3 years old, and I couldn't afford daycare. I can't necessarily relate to the court situation, but the emotional and mental stress that a break up causes can be very distracting. I remember failing a test because I was a wreck, not because I was sad, but because he wouldn't babysit his own son and told me that I make enough money as an RN with an ADN and didn't need a BSN. If I wanted that I had to figure it out on my own. I worked out my babysitting situation and decided that misery loves company and he just wanted me to fail so that I could feel the type of pain that he was feeling. I sucked everything up and did the damn thing.

My advice is to stick it through, utilize whatever support you have, lose some sleep (it's bound to happen), and be thankful for each small step you take. The rewards are so worth it. And congradulations on getting out of an unhealthy relationship. Staying wouldn't do your situation any better.

Jackie;)

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