Regarding Mother's Day...

  1. To all of the Adult children of the residents I care for every day in LTC... Thank you for coming to visit your mother on Mother's Day.

    Perhaps if you visited more frequently you would not be so shocked at her decline from the dementia that has had her in it's grip for years. Maybe then you would not have lashed out at the staff in your moment of anger.

    Is it too much for me to to hope that you could bring yourself to visit a little more frequently? How about next Sunday? Or Friday? You can make any day feel special if you just come in and sit quietly by your mother, hold her hand, feed her a snack, roll her through the garden, rub scented lotion on her hands, put cream on her lips. Walk beside her for a few laps of the unit-she covers miles of ground a day.

    Listen to us when we tell you how you can make your visits enjoyable. Don't stand over her and scream "Who am I, mother?" Don't descend on her with 10 people and an armload of gifts and then get upset yourself when she becomes agitated from the noise and commotion. She is way past the point of the gift or even knowing how to unwrap it (and then you had the nerve to leave the recipts for the accounting dept so you can be reimbursed from her account - you really should be ashamed).

    And how dare you LAUGH as your confused, combative mother attempts to beat the stuffing out of the nurse who is trying to keep her from standing up and falling over to get away from all of you.

    Lastly, I want to THANK the only family member who thanked me for caring for her mother. She said "this is for you guys, thanks for taking such good care of my mother now that I am unable to do it" - she brought a whopping big cake for the staff to share. And I cried-I'm so tired....
    Last edit by Joe V on May 15, '13 : Reason: spacing
  2. Visit ktwlpn profile page

    About ktwlpn

    Joined: Aug '00; Posts: 4,683; Likes: 4,827
    L.P.N. in LTC-love working with dementia residents.....
    Specialty: med surg,homecare,hospice


  3. by   GLORIAmunchkin72
    You must be tired...
  4. by   mickeypat
    Thank you for posting this!!!!! So incredibly true!!!
  5. by   Nascar nurse
    28 years in LTC. Hands down, Mother's Day has always been THE WORST holiday to get stuck working. Seems as those that just don't want to deal with Mom always find somewhere/someone else to be with on all the other holidays but then come marching in on Mother's Day appalled to find Mom in the shape she is in. Ummm, Hello....I've called you nearly every week for a year because of the declines.....what did you expect to see (and why are you just now bothering to see it & WHY THE HECK ARE YOU SCREAMING AT ME FOR IT)!

    My best suggestion - request next Mother's Day off!
  6. by   LoveMyBoxer99
    It is a sad but true experience so many of our residents have to endure. I am always thankful that those families that choose to behave that way only tend to appear once in a blue moon.

    Probably one of the most difficult Mother's Day moments I had to endure came in the form of a phone call from a "disconnected" child that asked to speak to the Mother....only the Mother had passed away 11months prior to that day....

    Never will that EVER happen to my loved one - just saying....
  7. by   TheCommuter
    During my time in LTC/nursing homes, the families that visit the least are the ones with local addresses listed on the face sheets. In other words, they only live a few miles away from the facility where their 'loved one' resides.

    Furthermore, the families that visit the least are typically the ones with the horrid attitudes toward staff. They're not around enough to see the day to day decline of their 'loved one,' so they displace their anger on the nurse.
  8. by   K+MgSO4
    That and Christmas are the worse times of year for an increase in admissions to the acute sector. From Children and grandchildren who see Grandma and Grandpa once in a blue moon and are horrified that at 97 they aren't as bright and chipper as they once were. And I do love the Spanish inquestion into the meds that they are one - the smartphone comes out and Dr Google gets in on the act! And how cruel are the nurses for putting a high falls risk flag on the door!

    The best adult child of a parent I met was one who had a mild ID. they slowly over the years swapped from her taking care of him to him taking care of her. he would get on the bus for 45 min everyday to come visit her while she was with us. He washed and ironed her nighties, brought her favourite fruit or a treat walked her up and down the ward for her exercise and then both of them would have a nap during rest peroid!
    His brothers who knew mum was in hospital came after 3 THREE! weeks and kicked up almighty hell! She was nearly at her baseline at that stage.
  9. by   motherof3sons
    So true, about the ones that live the closest visit least.....we had a resident's son visit every other month for a week....he was on the West coast, his mom on the east coast.
    We have one resident with many children and they have worked out a visit schedule so she is visited daily by someone in their is those families I love to see coming. I wish every family could be like that!
  10. by   Nola009
    Wow, people really expect reimbursements from the RECIPIENT of the gift/s??? Good gracious...
  11. by   ktwlpn
    Quote from Nola009
    Wow, people really expect reimbursements from the RECIPIENT of the gift/s??? Good gracious...
    Oh, all of the time. It's unbelievable. People have brought in birthday cake for their loved ones and presented the receipt to the social worker. I swear that's a true story! A family member wanted to take their handicapped mom to Disneyworld and wanted thousands of dollars from her account to pay for the entire extended family.
    That kind of crap NEVER came to me when we were caring for sick and dying family members. We paid for plenty of supplies out of pocket.
  12. by   Nola009
    ^ Wow, never mind the fact that's their loved one... that's just a case of having no etiquette at all!!
  13. by   Ruby Vee
    I know I've missed Mother's Day, but let me just say thank you to all the LTC nurses out there who take care of my mother, my mother-in-law and other patients just like them.

    I know I haven't been to visit Mom in a year. Visiting Mom costs me nearly a thousand dollars each time I make the trip: I pay for my flight, my hotel and the car I rent, plus I eat meals in restaurants. I don't have the money to do to that right now. I've just returned to work after a six month medical leave, and haven't even received a full paycheck yet. I am able to travel on my own now, and will visit just as soon as I've saved that thousand dollars.

    Mom has late-stage Alzheimer's, and she won't know who I am when I visit. I know that. I promise I won't pester the nursing staff for answers as to why that might be. Can I say again how much I appreciate the staff who take such good care of her? I'm an ICU nurse; I couldn't work LTC. It's a very difficult job, and too difficult for me. You guys have a really tough job, and I don't know how you do it, but I am so grateful that you do.