Was I being mean-by not handing over all my notes??????

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One of my classmates came to me about a week and a half ago and asked for my phone #, she stated that she had a question to ask me?

(A little background, this is a girl who doesn't speak to me. In the past she's asked to see my notes right before exams.)

Anyway she calls me today (finals are tomorrow) and asks if she can have all my notes sent to her email so she can study them (I type all of my lecture notes). She said she has anemia and been sleeping all the time (I noticed her sleeping in class). After thinking about, I sad no. If she wanted to study w/me or have me help her with a area that she was having difficulty, I would have done it. But to just hand over my notes, my work so she can have "cliff-notes" to the class, NO. I am sorry.

But was that mean?

Look I am not trying to get anyone stirred up. Excuse me for mentioning beneficence. I just got through ethics, but I am not the type to jump so quick to judgement that the girl was lazy. The original poster did indicate she had anemia and would even sleep in class at times, which is not normal behavior. I never said I thought the original poster was mean, she has every right to handle it the way she wants. I just said I personally would have given her my notes, and I would have done it with no expectations. OP, the girl should have thanked you, but who knows what could be going through her mind. She might have thought you were mad at her or yes, she may just be a thoughtless and rude person, but in your heart you know you were nice enough to help her despite her faults. So in my mind the original poster is not mean by any stretch.

Specializes in Ortho, Neuro, Detox, Tele.

My own opinion....

I work 36 hrs a week....I sometimes did not make it to class in the morning because of this.....I believe I have some anemia and am getting tested for it....I do not expect anyone to give me the notes from class. My 2nd job is being a nursing student and I should NOT expect anyone to help me pass those classes....

If I have a long running issue, I will talk to the instructors/friends/etc to make arrangements to work within those....I cannot in good faith use someone elses hard work as an excuse for me to slack off.

When I did not make it to class, I asked what we covered...read it in the book, asked questions to classmates if I didn't understand a concept, emailed the instructors, etc. I made it my mission to pass....she doesn't sound like she cared enough about that to make arrangements.

YOUR job is to pass....you can't worry about everyone else. There's a difference between being mean and telling people to do their own work....are the other nurses on the floor going to take care of your patients? just my .02

Specializes in ER.

i wouldnt have refused....i take terrible notes! i try to write down important key points but i find that i miss out on a lot of important info. i am extremely lucky to have a higher semester student pass down all her notes to me and we are encouraged to share. not everyones notes work for everyone and we still have to do the reading. i think that if this girl came to you thats a wonderful compliment, she obviously thinks highly of you and your notes. i doubt she would have a lot of time to memorize them, given that it was the day before the final. should she pass the exam she would have you to thank! we all need some help at one time or another, and we are in the same boat. we need to be nice to each other. what if one day we are coworkers?

Specializes in Psych ICU, addictions.

Your classmate is an adult (or a reasonable facsimilie) and needs to take responsibility for her actions. If she's sleeping through class be it from anemia or partying, she's got to realize what that's going to do to her grades. And if this was a bona-fide medical concern, then she should have been talking to her teachers from the get-go.

As for whether to share the notes or not...well, they're your notes and you are under no obligation to give them to anyone for any reason. I'm all for helping classmates out--my own notes have made the rounds over the last several years--but there is a fine line between helping them out and letting yourself being taken advantage of...and if you felt the latter was the case, IMO you have the right to say "No" with a clear conscience.

Favors turn into duties.

I know...I've already warned those I share my notes with that I can't promise they'll always be there :)

At my school, if they catch you sleeping in class, they make you leave.

Specializes in SRNA.

Its one thing to do a one-time good deed, but my take on this situation (based on the OPs statement) is the fact that this individual made absolutely no effort to make friends with or support the OP with notes or an offer for group study at anytime previous in the semester. That's enough for me to say no if I was placed in this situation.

Also, if an individual (dealing with health issues or not) can't sort out the situation to do well enough in a course while in nursing school and building their foundation of nursing knowledge what kind of behavior will they be displaying after licensed and practicing? I hate the idea of fostering a leech who will never learn to demonstrate a modicum of independence when they are responsible for maintaining their license.

Obviously we don't know the intentions of the fellow student, but that fact that she didn't even thank the OP for the portion of notes she did send, speaks volumes.

Don't let this get you down, just worry about you and your path! ;)

One of my classmates came to me about a week and a half ago and asked for my phone #, she stated that she had a question to ask me?

(A little background, this is a girl who doesn't speak to me. In the past she's asked to see my notes right before exams.)

Anyway she calls me today (finals are tomorrow) and asks if she can have all my notes sent to her email so she can study them (I type all of my lecture notes). She said she has anemia and been sleeping all the time (I noticed her sleeping in class). After thinking about, I sad no. If she wanted to study w/me or have me help her with a area that she was having difficulty, I would have done it. But to just hand over my notes, my work so she can have "cliff-notes" to the class, NO. I am sorry.

But was that mean?

I probably would have told her I'd "try" to get around to it and then ignored her phone calls. I think it was kind of mean for her to put you on the spot.

Now, if she were the type of person who was always willing to help other people, I probably would have been happy to help her.

Specializes in ED, ICU, PSYCH, PP, CEN.

When I was in school one of the teachers asked me to take notes and give them to anothe student who was out for a pregnancy problem. I did. This student had never really made any effort to even speak to me prior, never thanked me for helping her stay in school and to this day ignores me if we run into each other.

I'm leaning toward the "she needs to take responsibility for herself" group and not help her out. Also lent lots of books to different people that I trusted and have yet to get one back. Course it has only been five years. That said I'm a sucker for helping people and have learned to hard way to say no sometimes.

Well, when I first started reading this, I could totally understand the OP and others who said no. But nursing school is more than just memorizing notes...you could give her all the notes that you took, but if she can't apply the information...it's not going to help.

Personally, I think she is just lazy and using the anemia as an excuse. There are many nursing students with health issues who make certain that they get all the resources they can.

Kris

no, i don't think you were being mean, just careful with the work you have put in. in our workplace, its common practice to help each other out when taking the intensive care course. one of my co-workers, (and shes a friend), has been plodding away at this course for ages now, well over the usual timeframe. anyway, as i had help from friends when i was doing this course, i gave her my essays, reflective journals etc, just to read over and get an idea of how they are marked etc.(gave her them 2 years ago, btw!). since shes still working at it, i dont want to ask for them back just yet, but am now having serious misgivings about handing them over to her. she was telling me what she was looking at for one of her reflections, and omg...its the very same as one of mine! now i have the horrible feeling that shes just going to re-hash my work and hand that in. i need to approach her about it, but shes a friend, and i know how hard things are for her right now. am dreading asking her now.

anyway, sorry this is so long. just wanted to say i guess, that you think you are being kind by sharing, but it may backfire.:o

if she was a friend, she wouldn't place you in this position.

We shared each others notes all through nursing school. Others' notes didn't help me much because they weren't MY notes, but I didn't mind at all to copy them for others. Call me selfish but I don't think I would have studied with her due to the fact that it would take time away from studying the things only I needed to study.

At my school, if they catch you sleeping in class, they make you leave.

This also happened at my school. One of my instructors made a student stand up beside her desk because she LOOKED as if she were going to fall asleep. She had to stand there for an hour until break or leave the classroom.

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