Vent about mean nursing friend...

**canoehead, BSN, RN** · Mar 21, 2004

She needs to grow up. Take care of yourself first, nursing school is hard enough without pulling around dead weight. Remember that who you associate with gives people a good or bad impression of you.

jaimealmostRN · Mar 21, 2004

First of all, Congradulations on your successes! Both personal and professional. I also have a friend who is like this. The best thing to do is be polite and try to slip away when she starts complaining too much. With all the stresses of school you need to be around positive influences. It seems as if you have tried to reach out to her without success. In this case, I think it's OK to stay away from her as much as possible. Try to make some new friends who also care about grades and maybe even invite her along to a group study session (more people = may complain less). You may want to discuss it with your clinical advisor/favorite teacher if she starts showing signs of severe depression (not caring about personal appearance, grades dropping-like you mentioned) so THEY can refer her to some help. Good luck :)

Brownms46 · Mar 21, 2004

To me it sounds like your friend no longer wants to be a nurse. She may not even realize it totally yet, but the fact that she doesn't study, shows a lack of interest.

And maybe she is afraid she won't make it, so she is making excuses for when she doesn't. Maybe she doesn't know how to give herself permission to quit, and the longer she continues, the more miserable she becomes.

Maybe a bluntly honest communication is in order, especially since you say she is a good friend of yours. Misery loves company, and sometimes people don't even realize how miserable they are until someone gives them a wake up call. Good luck in trying to keep your friend, and your sanity at the same time:)

suzy253, RN · Mar 21, 2004

Is she a really good friend? Can you start to distance yourself from her--I see you're doing that physically by moving your seat but also emotionally. Just so she doesn't bring you down along with her. Sounds like you're doing great in your classes. Keep up the good work!

Sheri257 · Mar 21, 2004

It's really frustrating to me because for awhile we got somewhat of the same grades (low 80s) until I changed around my study habits and brought my grades up. Now she looks at me like I'm some evil vixen out to get her because my grades have been higher. I have offered to study with her, quiz her, anything, and I get met with hostility.

I agree with much of what has been said here. I personally try to avoid this type of person like the plague. It's one thing to complain, we all do. But the "misery loves company" types are like poison for me. School is hard enough as it is, and the last thing I need is to be around someone who constantly brings me down.

I've had friends like this in the past, and usually they don't change. They usually want to remain in their entrenched miserable position, and actually become worse if you're improving and they're not. Besides, if someone is getting on your case for getting good grades, I wouldn't consider them a good friend anyway.

:eek:

lisaloulou · Mar 21, 2004

If this were the african plains, she would be the antelope the lions tackle. She isnt going to make it, and thats not your fault.

orrnlori, RN · Mar 21, 2004

If this were the african plains, she would be the antelope the lions tackle. She isnt going to make it, and thats not your fault.

I agee, she's already mentally out the door. If you truly consider her a friend you may want to sit her down and have a talk, a big one, and don't be surprised if you are finally considered the true enemy at the end of that talk. If she's someone you just kind of know because of the "misery loves company" mode in nursing school then divorce yourself from her. Your head is where it needs to be, you don't need to be worrying about someone who doesn't want to help themself. I know this seems harsh, but it is the truth and sometimes the truth hurts.

Carolanne · Mar 21, 2004

Sounds like she's resentful of all the work that is required and a little jealous over your accomplishments. I agree with the others, don't stand on your head trying to help her, the effort has to come from her. You have to focus on your own task at hand and don't need to be drained by her negative energy. If your friendship is important to her, she has to make an effort to start being a little more positive about things, and if she sees you trying to avoid her, maybe she'll get the message and get her priorities in order. I don't know what else is going on in her personal life, but a few from column A and a few from column B can change a person. Stress can have different effects on people - depression, anger, etc. Sounds like she's under the big black cloud of midsemester stress and hopefully it will pass in the near future.

Pab_Meister · Mar 21, 2004

I'm in the same boat. I have a friend in my class who is taking level one his second time around. He's also either just passing ("C")or just failing ("C-") He's no dumb bell. He got into the nursing program w/ a 4.0 average. The trouble is, whenever I try to suggest some way of possibly improving his test results, I already know what his reply is going to be: "I already know that" or "That won't work for me".

I'd really like to see him in Level 2 next semester, but if he doesn't start trying different ways of learning, I suspect he won't be around until the end of this semester. He's really starting to get into the complaining mode too.

You've done everything a good friend would do. It sounds like it might be time consider your other options.

luv2yoga · Mar 22, 2004

I think you've done all that a compassionate person should do. Could you bring yourself to be gently honest with her, saying that you're concerned that she's setting herself up for failure? Use lots of "I" statements and just state what you've observed, stay away from judgements. If that sounds too scary, then maybe the gradual distancing that you've started should just continue on until you two are polite but not really friends any more. It sounds painful to see the friendship deteriorate, but it sounds like your goals are just too different right now. Good luck.

hopefully · Mar 22, 2004

I graduated in June 2003 with a degree in Pharmacy Technology. I graduated with a 3.34 GPA with honers. During the Pharmacy classes, I often complained to my friends also about the school work we did and how hard and useless it was. I think it is normal. Some people do not like school and what is involved in it. You should really not look down on your friend who is complaining.