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Selfish family?Student Mothers please read! - page 10

I recently helped my mother in law sign up for classes at our local JC. She is in her early 40's and has never been to college. She wants to become a nurse also. She is very smart (taking all honors... Read More

  1. by   jov
    Quote from heehee61
    No one says ALL hopes and dreams, ambition and passion are all tied up to nursing.
    I think this poster said that, in so many words, when she said

    Originally Posted by purplekath
    If she "just stops school and takes care of her family", what is she modelling? That if you are female, all hopes, dreams, ambition and passion end at the time you give birth to a baby?
  2. by   jov
    Quote from Grammie1
    One thing that is overlooked, often, is that while her hubby obviously supports them well, if anything happened to him that would stop. Life insurance only goes just so far...
    $500,000 of term life insurance costs about $1000 a year.
    $500,000 = $50,000 per year for 10 years
    cost of life insurance premiums for 10 years is only $10,000
    cheaper than nursing school and no need to work beside. If one was to do this on a purely financial viewpoint, I would go with the life insurance.
  3. by   CarVsTree
    Quote from jov
    well, this is jmho:
    while her aspirations to become a nurse are very noble, you still just can't up and quit your "day job." when she signed on for 13 kids, it's not a temp position. i was raised in a relatively large family (6 kids) and have 2 kids of my own. my own observations are the larger the family, the more important it is that there is someone at the helm running it. just getting lunches done and in the right backpack is a 30 minute deal.
    not only that but developmentally 3 years old is a big time to have an available parent - and she has two of them! even the 8 year old and 10 year old will require a lot of time for someone to listen and hug.
    furthermore, i definitely don't agree with having her older kids raise her younger kids. i understand the concept of working together as a team but i would like to remind you that it wasn't the older kids idea to have 13 kids. it was the parents'. therefore i don't agree that they should have to raise any kids. i have seen a lot of kids from big families (i went to a catholic school lol) really resent that because they fell #2 or #4, they spent their time changing diapers, giving baths, feeding and babysitting little ones who fell #11 and #12. if you have the kids, it's up to you to raise the kids and not shove it off on the older ones like i see some parents do.
    also having been raised in a large family, i think the most important job is lovin' those little ones. it's not the same to sit on big sister's lap for your bedtime story as it is for mom, having mom cuddle you and whisper in your ear and cover you with kisses. that's a job that can't be outsourced and it's a crucial one as well.
    at this point in time, i think she should focus on the job at hand and stick with her responsibilities as a parent. if she waits 7 more years until the 3 year olds are 10, then it would probably be a better time to go to school.
    are u kidding!?!

    she's not "quitting her day job." she's going to school. will the older children have some additional responsibilities? sure. is she "shoving the responsibility" of raising the younger children on the older children, i highly doubt it. i'm sure she will still be their to hug the twins and help the 8 and 10 year old.

    and, older children babysitting younger children does not = a parent not raising their children. i'm sure there was some exaggeration in your school friends. you know, one diaper to change = spent all night changing diapers.

    many, many parents work outside the home. she has devoted herself to ft sahm duty for 21+ years (two "children" are older than 21). i think it is o.k. for her to do something for her own well being for a change.

    sounds like she's always done everything for them and they're just ungrateful, spoiled, and find change (esp. when they're not the one sacrificing) difficult.

    i say show them where the washer/dryer/stove are and go to school. they will live.

    btw, where is dad in all this? oh yeah, he's in the recliner where his children (who shouldn't be expected to do anything) are taking his shoes off his smelly, nasty feet. :trout:

    oh yeah, one more very important thing... why in the world while in the midst of raising 13 children does she think she's the girl to be going to a 3rd world country? now that seems like an unrealistic goal. perhaps she's got some kind of help the world (had 13 kids of her own) complex. now that's a bit odd imo.
    Last edit by CarVsTree on Nov 30, '06
  4. by   sunnyjohn
    Quote from suemom2kay
    I say show them where the washer/dryer/stove are and go to school. They will live.

    One question.... Where is dad?
    Show 'em where the vaccum cleaner and the microwave are too! Mac and cheese with mini hot dogs and five minutes picking up dog hair of the living room floor builds character dagnabit!
    Last edit by sunnyjohn on Nov 30, '06
  5. by   CarVsTree
    Quote from HeartsOpenWide
    The third world part is in her very distant future!!
    Whoops! I missed that post. Glad to hear it. Was wondering if she was off her rocker.
  6. by   CarVsTree
    Quote from ortess1971
    Since when should children get a vote in the major decisions adults make? Kids should be able to make little decisions, like "what will I wear to school today?". As far as the big stuff goes, a family should not be a democracy. And the kids that are out of the house should keep their nose out of it. Sounds like the OP's husband is a big time mama's boy who sees his mom as a servant, at best.
    Very, very well said and I agree wholeheartedly.
  7. by   CarVsTree
    Quote from pyrolady
    She got pregnant her senior year. Reason? "If I'm going to raise children, they might as well be my own!!" (from the mind of a 17 year old...).
    Sounds more like an excuse.
  8. by   CarVsTree
    Quote from jov
    going to nursing school with little kids still at home is easy
    going to nursing school with little kids still at home and NO REGRETS is the tricky part

    LOL seeing ALOT of postings from under 25 year olds about parenting advice

    reminds me of when I was that age...
    I went back to school when my daughter was 2. Finished when she was 4.5. No regrets. I also worked FT while in school. My daughter only went to daycare part time. The only "regret" I have is how many years the whole, stressful thing probably shaved off my life.

    My daughter was so happy and proud when I was done. She is thrilled I'm not in school anymore, but she has come through just fine. No regrets, love my job, and am enjoying the debt destroying pay as well.

    My house is now getting in order (was a bit of a mess durins school and the first year of nursing)... but things are coming together now.

    BTW, my daughter is home sick today and I have been able to be home with her Tue, Wed., and today because of only having to work 3 12's/week. No regrets - so GLAD I did it. I work tonight, Fri, Sat. And she will be back to school tomorrow.
  9. by   CarVsTree
    Originally Posted by adnstudent2007
    I am sorry to say this, but the women in my class (with children) who have a supportive family have tended do well, the women from unsupportive families have either dropped out or had their marriages completely fall apart. I'm sure it's not nursing school that makes it fall apart, but rather adding considerable additional stress to an already tenuous situation.
    The woman in my class in a bad, abusive marriage. Graduated and was for the first time in her life, financially able to GET OUT. She is doing very well now.
  10. by   SOL
    As a student nurse and mother of 2 teenage daughters (single parenting) I can say that I salute your mother in law -- I also am in my 40's and am the 3rd oldest in my class - so it is never too late! I am glad she is going for the ADN - I am in a BSN program and wish I had done the 2 year instead and then gotten my BSN on -line - but alas ... patience, patience, patience.

    You didn't mention if she is single parenting or has a supportive partner? This does matter -- I can say that without that it is a lot harder - but.. then again - she is used to being organized and seems full of energy and so I say - parenting is one of her duties and if she is home schooling she is probably enjoying it which is good! Yay for her -- Your husband could change his focus to be thankful for his childhood experience, but... not enforce that upon his siblings - She is the parent, she is making the choices and living with the consequences etc. Be supportive or be benign - my 2cents
  11. by   heygirl
    I Am A Mother Of 5, And Thank God For My Husband (seeing That I Quit My Job When I Had A Great Idea To Go Back To School). But My Children Understand That School Is Important No Matter What The Age, And When I Am Studying They Give Me The Respect That I Give To Them. So I Know She Home Schooled But Did Your Mil Ever Stress The Importance Of Higher Education And Its Benefits? And With That Many Children Where's The Father? Lastly A Happy Mother Makes A Great Mother.
  12. by   adnstudent2007
    Quote from suemom2kay
    The woman in my class in a bad, abusive marriage. Graduated and was for the first time in her life, financially able to GET OUT. She is doing very well now.

    The OP stated that the MIL family was unsupportive about her going to nursing school. She never indicated anything about abuse. If the MIL is in an abusive situation, she has much bigger problems than nursing school and she and the children should get to a safe place immediately.

    Has the OP posted here recently? I'm curious as to her opinion after all this discussion.
  13. by   floridagirl0103
    As a nursing student and divorced mother of a 3 & 5 yr. old, it is very difficult being in school and being around for the kids 100% of the time. I have no choice at this time as I need the career/money. I have to rely on my parents to help take the kids to school 2x/week during my am clinicals. I can see both sides to this woman's story. She may be a better mother because she is doing something fullfilling to her. But, 2 three yr. olds and an 8 yr. old plus teenagers are a lot to handle. I would highly recommend she wait till at least the twins are in kindergarten. It would make life for all much easier. Whatever she decides, good luck to her.