My husband is driving me crazy.....

[studentdeb]

We got into an argument last night because of me being registered for A&P II for January. He thinks I should not take the course because I had such a tough time this fall. He thinks I should take math (which I do need).

Then the truth comes out. He does not think I would be a good nurse. He thinks I could do the job well, but I guess he thinks I don't have the personality for it. I asked him what he thinks I would be good at, he says administration, I said "a secretary" which I did for over 13 years, he says "no, but in charge of an office".

He says I never finish anything, I am getting too old to keep changing my mind and at my age I should know exactly what I want and go for it. (I am 40) I am still taking courses that are required for any degree (ethics, humanitites etc) and he thinks I should be done with those my now.

I cried so much last night and asked him "do you think I am not a good mother". I mean if I can't be a good nurse, maybe I can't be a good mom. (I know that I am and he said I am a great mother)

I plan to shadow a nurse in February and also am joining a group through my church where we will go to nursing homes. I figured doing these two things would help give me the reassurance needed to pursue the nursing field. I told him this also.

I have also been considering going into Social Work if I decide against the nursing, but now I wonder if I could do that either.

Since classes start in a week, I might go ahead and take the math and see what happens and take A&PII in the summer.

Sorry for the long post, just needed to unload. Thanks for reading.

[studentdeb]

Thanks everyone for your posts. I really appreciate it.

The problem I have with my husband is when I first signed up for nursing, he was supportive (at least he said he was), but because of the A&P and the fact that I did not take the clinical portion of the problem, I was not learning what I needed to in the two nursing courses I had so I dropped them. I told him now was not the time and maybe I would go back later. Well he just assumes that I've completely decided to pursue something totally different.

He says that I change my mind all the time and do not stick to anything. He is right to a point, I do have alot of trouble with decisions and have always been this way all my life and I do quit easily on some things. I tried to explain the reason I quit the nursing course is because I did not want to take the chance of failing. It's always better to drop. He doesn't understand this because things come very easy for him. He breezed through school.

Anyway, he is a good husband overall and tries to stand by me most of the time. I think he doesn't like to have to worry about taking care of the kids mostly himself after working all day. When he went to school we didn't have kids until he was almost finished and then we just had one. I hate to say it, but sometimes men don't want to be the main caretaker.

I'm still not sure what I will do with the course, I have a week to decide. Maybe he will come around and not give me such a hard time over it. Maybe I will take the math class instead for now and see what happens with the shadowing I plan to do.

Thanks for reading and being so very supportive. I know many of you have been in my shoes and being that nursing school is so very difficult overall, it is a big step especially if there is not much support at home.

[gonnabeanurse2]

If this is what you want then do it....It is a great stress not only on you but also on your family, but you can succeed if you are completely committed. I had the support of my husband when I started this a yr and half ago....then he slowly started feeling left out...boohoo...and proceeded to let me know that he felt like I was replacing him with school....PLEASE!! Anyway I told him that with or without his help/support that I would finish this and that I would EAT anyone that got in my way! I start back the 13th and we are contemplating divorce........don't let anyone tell you you cant do this....

[mark_LD_RN]

hi,consider his advice but make up your own mind on what is best for you good luck

[nursedawn67, LPN]

Follow your heart.

Explain to your hubby where as he is entitled to his opinion, you would rather he try to be supportive of you, instead of encouraging you to quit yet again.

[nursbee04]

no one knows you better than you -- please don't let him decide what is best for you! Of course his opinion matters, but you have to do what you feel is best, and maybe he'll come around and give you the support you need. Anyway, you won't know its for you until you try it. I agree with luluann, maybe you should try working as a CNA.

Good Luck!!!!

[PennyLane, RN]

Take some time for yourself when no one else is home. Sit in a darkened room, or light a few candles, take a few deep breaths, and just think about this for a good 20 minutes or so. The decision you need to make will come to you. This is what I always do when I have something worrying me, or a decision that I have to make. You need to listen to the INNER you for guidance. It sounds like your husband is perhaps threatened by your decision, and feels that he needs to control your school choices. When you talk to him about it, don't be combattive, but gently tell him how you feel, and why you want to take class ___.

I agree that you should continue into A&P II since I is still fresh on your mind. If YOU think you will be a good nurse, then you have the potential to be one!!

Good luck to you.

Mel

[Love-A-Nurse]

what ever you decide, we are here for you. (((((deb))))).

[renerian, BSN, RN]

That is mean and nasty. I am sorry. Don't let him shake you like that. Shake him.................

renerian:(

[2amigos]

Is it possible that he's picking up your indeciveness (sp) and is not sure about how you really feel? It sounds like he wants to be supportive of you, but isn't really sure of where you're headed academically.

I've seen way too many people that seem to put their schooling ahead of their marriage, and I think it's sad. Sometimes it's for the best, but so much of the time it seems unnecessary.

My rule of thumb is how would I feel if the situation were reversed? Could you put yourself in your husband's place and see things from his perspective? It's not to say that his opinion or yours is MORE important, they're both valid and important. It's the understanding of where someone is coming from that is the issue.

It sounds like he has some valid points and you've recognized that-kudo's for you both!

I guess I just want to gently remind people that people are what count, and school is important, but it's not everything. I hope I make some sense.

Cheryl Moore

[BadBird, BSN, RN]

My ex did everything he could think of to get me to fail nursing school, it only made me more determined and stronger. Notice I said ex !!! Yup, I told him I was going to divorce him, I graduated in may, served him with papers 1 week later, took the nclex and passed, got my first job and was deleriously happy. That all happened 8 yrs. ago and I never regretted it. Don't let anyone tell you what you can or can't be, only you know. Good luck with school.

[cpgrn]

Sounds like a control freak to me. I was married to one of those while in ADN school. Lip service support was all I got and then when I got a 3.8 for my first semester he filed for divorce. A little bit threatened I'd say... Now happily married for 6 years to a really supportive guy and happy to be rid of Mr. Control. Good luck to you! Take the A&P II.

[studentdeb]

Update:

Last night my husband told me that I should take whatever classes I want and he apoligized. He said he was being selfish and was worried about having to take on extra duties around the house and with the kids. I was off for 4 months from work and he really didn't have to do much, but now I am back to work and he knows that he has to do more.

He really is not a controlling person, but does offer up his opinion easily.

I think he read everyone's posts here and realized what he was doing.

Thanks everyone for your support.