Any moms in Nursing School feeling guilty?

bookworm1 · Sep 20, 2007

"guilt" is an understatement! I started my first semester of clinicals...and they are at night! I had to switch all the emergency numbers at the kids' schools to contact my husband first and that has left me with a bad feeling! He's a good dad, as far as that goes, but a typical dad, nontheless. Frozen pizzas, mac-n-cheese with tuna, those are stapes on dad's cooking nights. What about vegetables? Or even one of those 30lbs of apples he just had to buy at the apple orchard?

Lylesmom · Sep 20, 2007

I felt bad and still do quite often. I am only 8wks from finishing and feel even worse because of what is coming up.

For the last almost 2yrs I have had to wake my son up, who is now almost 4, on clinical days at 4:30am to get ready to go. so I am not the only one sleep deprived. My week starts with school on mon et tues @ 0730, wednesday et thurs 0630 for clincal, and I work every friday et every other weekend. so on my weekends to work, I would go for 12 days without a break from anything, and that doesn't include studying. and now the last six weeks of clinical I will be doing my preceptorship which I will be doing 12hr shifts from 7p-7a, so I will be spending even less time with him.

I use to cry all the time because I felt like my child was learning all these things in daycare and now preschool and I have nothing to do with the fact that he is learning these things. I use to say to my husband: you know they say the first 3yrs is when a child learns the basis for everything, and he isn't learning this from me. so needless to say my son is smart-without any help from me.

because his birthday is in December, he will not start actual school until he is almost 6, so I keep telling myself that I will have 2yrs left to influence my son and make up for all the lost time, I am looking forward to that.

So don't give up-there is light at the end of the tunnel, and know that in the long run, you will be providing a better life for your child. My son tells me all the time that he wants to be just like me, that makes me so happy to know he looks up to me even though I feel I haven't been there for him the way I wanted to be.

Achoo!, LPN · Sep 20, 2007

I always do. I do however take them to scouts on Mondyas, and I am the den leader. It's bad because that is the night when I have to do all of my clinical paperwork. I haven't been able to allow them to participate in too much because of my schedule , and I feel really guilty for that. I did however find indoor soccer this fall that meets on Saturdays, so it is perfect!

My boys are 7 and 9 though, so they understand when I say that mom has homework.

I spend a good 15 minutes at bedtime with them seperately just for some one on one. We have developed our own " secret handshakes", each has their own. I have tried to make special time for each one of them. It may only be a few minutes but we really cherish that time.

catzy5 · Sep 20, 2007

Any moms out there feeling like your not paying as much attention to your kids? I feel so bad because I feel like I should be spending time with them. But I have so much to do. Any one else going throught this?

I haven't started yet but last year I did take a full load of pre reqs and thought man how am I going to do this in nursing school. I am sitting out a semester now and I am "super mom" (my school makes you wait one semester before applying) I am soccer mom, homework mom and volunteer at school mom. Ok so its over kill trying to make up for what I can't do starting January haha. I am scared of all the work and all the guilt. But I am hoping in 2 years it will pay off, where I will have a much more flexible schedule and be able to work around my kids alot more so I can still be there for them 100% or atleast 90 )

Lisa CCU RN, RN · Sep 20, 2007

I am gonna go out on a limb here and say no. I used to feel guity about a lot of things, but going to school so I can provide for my kids is not one of them.

I take my kids to the park, the zoo, skating and a lot of other things. They are not in any activities like cheerleading or soccer, but when I graduate I plan on making up for it. To be honest, my kids are very social and LOVE going to daycare. My daughter wants to get up at 5:00 am so she can spend time with her BFF at school. Sometimes I wonder if they really care, but when they spent five weeks with their grandmother this summer, they called me everyday and I got reports of them crying alot, so I guess they do care :). They tell me I'm the best mom (like they have another one!)

My children are in school all day for one, so no time missed there because I go to school when they do. Then on the weekends we have fun.

My daughter is VERY interested in learning EVERYTHING now. She actually tells me watching TV is a waste of time! She actually said those words! She will ask me to give her details on what I do in clinicals, she wants to know all about the body and where the bones are and how it works. She also sits and does extra workbooks without my prompting her to and finishes her homework before she even comes home. I know this great attitude is because she sees how hard I have worked.

I also don't know why women bear so much guilt; you hardly ever see a working father who does 12 hour days feeling guilty about "missed time".

I think overall this school experience has been positive and as we all know, it doesn't last forever, but the degree and security we gain does.

LMRN10 · Sep 20, 2007

I have to say, these are some great responses and has certainly put my mind at ease somewhat!!! While I can see feeling guilty in that time you are completing the classes, the previous poster put a spin on that.

I have not started the Nursing classes yet, so I can't say 100% how I will feel, but I will say this. My daughter is 2 years old and I have pretty much raised her on my own. I am married, but my husband doesn't really help much. He loves her to death, but I am her caretaker and do everything for her.

And she is such a smart girl and is learning new things every day and that all started with me. I spend a lot of time with her and enjoy the time I spend with her...NOW. Because I know come spring, I'm not going to be able to. So, yes, I am making up for that now.

Also, my thought is for over two years, I have taken care of her...99.9% of the time. So, now it is my husbands turn to do that...and for a good cause!!! I will miss her desperately of course, but know in the long run, it is for the best!!!!

I agree with the previous poster...why do women feel so guilty when so many of our husbands don't seem to? I guess I justify it by saying this is THEIR bonding time!!! I've had mine and now mommy must go to school and daddy and daughter can bond now.

And CRNASOMEDAY25, can I just say that little section about your daughter is too cute!!! She'll be a nurse or a doctor one day...I bet!

Best of luck everyone. I will be in your shoes in just a few months here and while I am sure I'll feel guilty, I will know it is the right thing for my family in the long run!

autumnandwhitneysmom · Sep 20, 2007

"guilt" is an understatement! I started my first semester of clinicals...and they are at night! I had to switch all the emergency numbers at the kids' schools to contact my husband first and that has left me with a bad feeling! He's a good dad, as far as that goes, but a typical dad, nontheless. Frozen pizzas, mac-n-cheese with tuna, those are stapes on dad's cooking nights. What about vegetables? Or even one of those 30lbs of apples he just had to buy at the apple orchard?

I can understand the guilt.....I worked at a steel mill for the past 4 1/2 years.....7 days a week....reporting time at 5 am.....and during this time my oldest daughter was 6months when I started working....then my youngest came along and that is when I decided to go back to school to get my degree as a nurse....working 3 days a week sounded good to me....plus I have always wanted to go into the nursing field....but just now got the courage to apply.....so here I am, 1st year nursing student and loving it.....the main reason is because I know my children will have somewhat of a normal life and more time with me.....I know it will be hard, and guilt feelings do come and go, but it will definetly be worth it in the long run...... Don't beat yourself up to much.....

Cherry2 · Sep 21, 2007

I do, in some ways, but I often get my son (3 years in october) to help me learn stuff. I am only in first semester, so we are doing the complete basics. We practice proper handwashing together, he lets me practice range of motion exercises on him, sometimes i colour on him with washable markers to place organs and bones, etc for anatomy.

I do what I can to spend time with him when I am not doing school work, but I also let him join in when possible too. It helps me get time with him, when I really don't have time for anything.

OgopogoLPN, LPN, RN · Sep 21, 2007

Yes...and no...

NO...

I used to work 3 days per week and now I'm in school 4 days per week. Not a huge amount of time difference. I typically don't start my homework until just after 8pm when both my kids are in bed. I'm also LOVING school, which makes me a happier person, a happier mother etc.

YES...

I do feel as though I'm more distracted though. I think about my assignments and reading. I try to sneak in some reading when my daughter is watching a cartoon, and as soon as its over and she wants to play and I want to finish a chapter.

With only one income, we've had to cut down on a lot of fun stuff like movies, indoor game arcades, special treats. We won't be skiing or anything expensive this winter. There won't be nearly as many Christmas presents under the tree this year.

But, I'm doing all of this to be happier in what I do for a living, and make a lot more money that I was before. So, all in all, it's a very positive move for our family, but this next 12 months of LPN school, it's going to be a tougher year for us.

future L&Dnurse · Sep 21, 2007

All. The. Time.

Seriously, I feel guilty ALL the time. I know that in a year it will mean our lives will be so much better, and I'll have a career that means I have time with my family AND a decent salary AND personal fulfillment, but at the moment I feel like the worst mom ever about 99% of the time.

That probably isn't helpful, is it?

Mrs Wms-future RN · Sep 21, 2007

This past Sunday as I was going to meet with my study group, my sons starts crying and tells me he wants to me stay at home. I work full time in the day and go straight to school 3 nights out of the week, with clinicals on the weekend. I felt so bad, but I know that this is a temporary sacrifice and that I am doing it for my family. I did make time for him after the study group and took him to the store. My suggestion and that you make some time, even if it's an hour or two every week to give it back to your family. Balance is a beautiful thing, once you have it down and together.