When nurses visit loved ones who are hospitalized...

[RNcDreams]

How do you feel when a patient's family member/friend/etc is a nurse, and comes to visit at the hospital?

Do you feel territorial? Are you glad? Do you feel a sense of camaraderie, or do you think "Ughh he/she is going to watch everything I do and ask unreasonable questions" ?

Is it helpful or harmful for the visitor to help (i.e., getting from chair to bed, using bathroom, etc)?

Do you feel comfortable telling that person more detailed/medically related information (with the patient's permission), or at least with medical lingo?

Share your thoughts and gut reactions! :nuke:

[JaneyW]

I have found this to be very individualistic with mostly very positive experiences. I had one postpartum pt whose mom was a retired nurse who changed her bed for me. She knew I was very busy with discharges and she said she thought it was fun to do it after being retired for a few years!

I have had grandmas in the labor room who are labor nurses and it has also been pretty positive--I have an ally with the MD! One I will always remember didn't tell me she was a nurse until after the birth when she thanked me for doing a good job with her daughter.

[GrumpyRN63, ADN, RN]

A different spin is when your patient is the nurse, not to hijack the thread,at this stage I really like having nurses as pts, talk shop, swap stories, etc, most are really cool, its the doc's wives that seem to be the biggest PITA.

As far as visitors that are nurses, If they want to help, sure, I never feel intimidated, they can help validate and translate to the layman (or woman) usually more helpful than not

[Wendy_RN]

I have recently been on the other side of this issue. My grandmother-in-law was transported to the ED last Wednesday and passed away on Thursday. I did not tell them that I am a nurse because I did not want the staff to think I was criticizing their every move. Of course, this is partly because a distant relative of my husband is a nurse and she was a total witch to the staff and disagreed with everything thing said or done. I certainly did not want to be viewed as she was.

I have had nurses as patients and I have really enjoyed taking care of them. It is nice to hear stories from some of the former nurses because they have such a wealth of knowlege.

[everthesame, LPN, LVN]

It really does matter on who the nurse/visitor is. Many nurse/visitors are great and can really enhance their loved ones stay in the hospital. A few nurse/visitors can be a real PITA. A few weeks ago I had the "pleasure" of taking care of the father of a nurse I used to work with at another hospital. She quickly got the reputation for being the daughter from He**. I was lucky in that the night I had her father for a pt she had already visited him and had gone home for the night.

BTW, her parents were very demanding and it seems no one could do right by them. The night I had him, I fixed a minor problem for the patient that had been going on since the previous night. I guess that got me on their good side so they weren't very demanding of me but I had to listen to them complain about how the other nurses were not very competent. I understand they were stressed and my small act corrected what they perceived to be a huge problem I just think the problem probably could have been remedied much sooner if they hadn't been so demanding and degrading to the other nurses. Everyone who had him as a patient just wanted to get out of the room ASAP to get away from them and their constant "our daughter Nancy Perfect Nurse" says you are doing this and that wrong.

Then there was the patient with a daughter in law who was a nurse. The pt had C diff and was often incontinent of stool and her DIL would be right there helping to clean up the patient and change her linens. She also helped keep the more demanding members of the family under control.:heartbeat

[MrsMommaRN]

i don't mind when they visit, just as long as they don't stay.

some family members that are in the medical field can be royal pitas. i once took care of a pt whose son was a dr. he tried to give me orders on his mothers case when he was not a treating doc.

some family members can be very helpful medical or not. i have had a few that think with their medical experience it entitles them to run things.

[patwil73]

From the other side - I have been visiting my ex-wife who is currently hospitalized in ICU. I currently work as a Clinical Administrative Resource (basically night supervisor, but with obligations on teaching clinical skills and running codes and MRT's). I find that when I visit I often get the "deer in a headlight's look". I try not to be too questioning, but I do want basic information (I have a medical release of info).

So I ask questions about weaning from the vent and how long she tolerated, whether her use of pain meds and sedatives have increased, what her recent labs have been and whether there has been any change in the plan of care. I try not to be too judgemental but when every question I have is met with "let me look that up" I start to worry a bit about the care she is receiving. (Since I assume the questions I am asking any ICU nurse should be able to answer)

So I wonder is since they know what I do are they being extra careful to have the correct information so I don't jump down their throats (not that I have, but I have had medical families of pt's before that have).

I also have not had any question me about what I do or where I work or whatever beyond "so, you are a nurse huh?".

Just another viewpoint,

Pat

[BlueRidgeHomeRN]

have to agree that it varies from person to person, but overall i'd say nurse family members are helpful, and i understand the five-million questions (i buried both my parents, and was dpoa/health care surrogate for both, so i know what it's like from both sides!)

at the risk of being flamed, the worst are family members who once took a cna class, or dropped out of nursing school second semester, or have watched way too much "er" and are sure that you aren't doing "that" the way dr. carter did last week!! a little knowledge (and an attitude) is a dangerous thing!!

[oncnursemsn]

I'm very interested in this thread- my father will undergo removal of a 3cm tumor from his rt lung on May 27 at a big hospital in Boston. I work at another Boston hospical and I teach nursing full time. Sigh. I don't want to be a PITA, my non-nurse sister fills those shoes just fine. She's aggressive, critical and acts like she's our dad's "mother." Manners and common sense she long checked at the door, and there's no way she's not going to tell the entire nursing staff that I'm the nurse.

My own experience has been that visitors that are nurses have made my job much easier, as well as patients that were nurses. For the most part, we know the ropes, and are usually sensitive to the nurse providing care.

I have to quickly comment on a nurse patient we had who (staff thought) was certifiably crazy/addicted. She was a traveler from Seattle with MRSA cellulitis on her leg. She was 28, and admitted on IV antis and pain meds. Her med reconcilliation included: ativan, trazadone, Percs and a few other psych meds I can't remember. Oh, the best is that she was a traveler at OUR hospital before going out with this infection.

On the call bell, demanding dressing to be changed at the change of shift. We were scratching our heads- constantly calling out for pain/anxiety meds. I would be *embarrassed* to be in her shoes. Thankfully we transferred her to another floor as we needed the bed for our onc pt. Ick.

[aeauooo]

A different spin is when your patient is the nurse...

A couple of years ago I visited my mom, who is a retired nurse, after she had had surgery.

When she was brought a clear liquid tray with green Jello (how cliche!) she said, "Get that out of here!" She had called my dad and told him to bring her a Whopper with fries. I was standing behind my mom when the young (unfortunate) nurse who had been assigned my mom told her that she couldn't eat that. I looked at her and shook my head - "Don't even try!"

I ate the green Jello.

[Antikigirl, ASN, RN]

My gut instinct is: "you may be an RN, but you are not one here!". Of course I have never said that to one, but it is how I feel!

Sadly most of my experiences have not been pleasant ones. I go into the patients room and do what I need to do, which is address and care for my PATIENT, and I get the second or third degree from a "nurse"...which I have found out more times than none is that that person typically isn't a RN but CNA, or a nurse that has no hospital experience (or it has been forever and three days since they had been in one professionally) and doesn't understand what all being a hospital nurse involves from minute to minute.

It really ruins my patient-nurse relationship! Now, instead of my patient communicating with me, they are doing it via the nurse proxy! I don't want that...I want to watch their body language, their cognitive reactions to things, their thought process...I want to help THEM...not a nurse or even other family members at this point!

I do polietly ask for people to leave for a moment at certain times, but for some reason people don't like leaving the room anymore! I guess they are worried I will screw up or something and they will miss that potential law suit...who knows...

The times when it is very very helpful however, is in the case of developmentally disabled folks, or very demented folks to have a nurse that KNOWS the patient so we can coordenate care per the patients routines and make them more comfortable. These are the times I appreciate them the most! Yes, have had my troubles with them too...but typically this type of situation is better and more productive!

When I have been in other shoes, I am nice and helpful...leave the room or take time to leave so the nurse and patients (my loved one) can establish a relationship of care...and I will do ADL's PRN to be helpful...and I let the nurse know that too (that I am helping and not just doing it because I don't feel they can..."Oh I thought I would help ya out here so you don't have to worry about this and can go onto the other two thousands tasks you have today..LOL!"). I don't ask too many questions if any to the RN, but know to direct my questions to the MD!

I am still working on the fine art of communicating to the visiting nurses the needs of the patient and my role in it...and set limits as well. So far it is going better with each new situation!

[aeauooo]

So I ask questions about weaning from the vent and how long she tolerated, whether her use of pain meds and sedatives have increased, what her recent labs have been and whether there has been any change in the plan of care. I try not to be too judgemental but when every question I have is met with "let me look that up" I start to worry a bit about the care she is receiving. (Since I assume the questions I am asking any ICU nurse should be able to answer)

In all honesty, I might have been able to pull out my brain and tell you her recent lab values, but if you want accurate answers to the rest of those questions, I would have told that you I'd look them up - and I'm not a green ICU nurse.

IMO, there is no shame in saying, "let me look that up," or, "I don't know, but let me find out."

It is much better to acknowledge a limitation that to try to BS your way through it - which will get you into much more trouble later on.