When Family threatens you (vent)

Nurses General Nursing

Published

Okay, I went into work tonight in good spirits. Had a nice group of patients, all except this one pt's family (patient not the problem). I recognized the patient immediately from previous admissions & recalled lots of drama & the MD having long (1hr) talks w/ family in room QD, due to family always being upset/angry.

One family member in particular came in tonight w/ huge chip on the shoulder. It was my 1st night with this patient this admission.I had a feeling that no matter what I did, it wouldn't be right in the family's eyes. They arrived angry, with lots of questions. I tried to address them quickly & thoughtfully.

Without revealing the details, it seems this family member's "final straw" was when they felt "insulted" by something in my tone of voice or choice of words. Our discussion was witnessed by other staff in the hall, who didn't think I was being rude in any way. Nonetheless, I told this family member that I was sorry if I upset them, and that I fully did not intend to offend at all.I spoke in a calm, what I tried to convey (caring) earnest tone. I really did want to help them, despite it all. I told this person that I think there was a misunderstanding, as I really wanted to help, and that it seemed we were having a problem communicating.

This family member was having none of that! They threatened to "punch me out" and made a gesture with the fist. It was witnessed by another staff member. They didn't actually do anything, but when I look back on it, I feel 1)angry (how inappropriate) 2) a little scared (yikes, who knows how unstable this person is?).

There have been multiple medical staff (MD,RN, etc) who will no longer care for this patient due to past experiences w/ the family (another MD "fired patient" last admission).

Now I know why.

People that know me, know I am not a mean spirited person, and several staff told me not to take this episode personally. How can I not? I decided (on my drive home) I am not caring for this patient ever again, period. Tomorrow I will ask for another assignment when I go into work (just not that one patient).

I would be willing to quit my job over it, if it came down to it, to tell you the truth.

I'm not afraid to speak up about this to my nurse manager...we will have to discuss it when she returns to work after Thankgiving.

This has never happened to me before (I work the hospital floors, not ER). Oh sure, I have had confused pts (etoh, or post op) swing at me.But this threat was different- from a stone cold sober angry family member. Of course, I tried the empathy approach & offered support & help to the family, but as I said, there was no reasoning with them. They saw the enemy & it was me.

All my nurse peers were supportive & understanding tonight, but I just feel so sad & emotionally drained. I'm having a hard enough time putting up with the cr@p of nursing as it is, let alone this type of behavior. It makes me want to quit my job and go work on an assembly line again, where I didn't have to deal with people. :o

Thanks for listening. I needed to vent.

;)

One little thing I forgot. Using my speech earlier, one family member started to get riled up at the suggestion that I would not tolerate threats. He began to raise his voice, wanting to tell me "if you all did so and so, I wouldn't have to get mad, so just live with it." So, stopped in the middle of the speech, and pointedly told him (using my US Army Sergeant's command voice) "I can call the police right now, have you arrested for assault, and you WON'T be coming back duing this hospital stay. And before you threaten me, remember that we have security here, they are considerably larger than you are, they are armed, and they WILL restrain you until police arrive, And they will go so far as to make sure I get to my car safely at the end of every shift. Perhaps now would be a good time to calm down and close your mouth." Got my point across, and didn't have to escalate with threats related to my size (always a bad idea to challenge a threatening family member).

Kevin McHugh

Kevin,

Excellent.

I don't know if anyone has defined assault because I'm too lazy to read all the posts but.............

Under tort law assault is defined as : A threat or an attempt to make bodily contact with another person without that person's consent.

It would seem likely that battery could occur, given the HX of this family, and that assault is easily defined in the form of a threat, both mental and physical.

It might be a good idea to look up defamation of character's defining terms, slander and libel also.

Sounds like this family is just getting free reign to bully anybody that steps in the room with thier inadequate emotional coping mechanisms.

Irishcreme-Thank you for finding the reference of that law. When I get back home from my holiday vacation, I am going to send a copy of that law to my representatives and ask them if such a law exists in Indiana. If if doesn't, I will encourage them to introduce legislation to enact laws protecting healthcare and emergency workers. Law or no law, I will not hesitate to call the police to protect myself, my fellow co-workers, and my patients. I am not paid to take threats.

PS-Kevin- I think your posts were absolutely brillant. Way to go!!

Specializes in ER.

No security oin my hospital- I would call the police and have the m stand beside me as I delivered Kevin's speech, have the offender escorted out, letting them know they were not welcome back that day. They could go home and cool off, and we'd start fresh the next day, but the second offense would get them banned...hopefully forever.

Specializes in Vents, Telemetry, Home Care, Home infusion.

Look closely at the law---states "Home healthcare worker" means a licensed nurse who provides health care in a home

NOTHING about those nurses who work in the hospital. Glad to see I would be protected in NC doing home care!

Specializes in Home Health.

Sounds like the hospital needs to wrote this pt a letter and tell them they will no longer treat this person in their hospital due to threats of violence. I guess when they arrive to ER in critical condition, you would have to treat, but why doens't the hospital move them to another place after they are stable? Get the docs who have fired them pt on your side. This is not tolerable.

And they wonder why there is a nursing shortage?

Thanks everyone for the great advice!

I will have to fill out an incident report about this. Aside from the physical threat, this one family member is a nightmare to deal with...angry, inappropriate every admission without fail (following me behind the nurses station and folding the arms and glaring at me when I'm on the phone). I would say this person is actually hostile. The rudeness & anger I can tolerate for short periods.

The fact that this person monopolizes the nurses & docs, I guess I can put up with. But I have to admit, I was supremely annoyed that once again, this family member needed 1 full hour of undivided attention from the doc (it happens nearly every day) to vent their gigantic list of concerns, and that they expect me to be 1:1 nursing and doing all sorts of inappropriate interventions on a very frail elderly person. (Of course, I can't reveal details, but take my word for it). I realize that they are worried/stressed, etc, but if you saw this person's demanding & arrogant behavior, you would see how challenging it is. Despite all that, I tried to be courteous & polite at all times.

I just was so surprised to be threatened like that from a person who was obviously sober & seemingly healthy. It was so ridiculous! I regret that I didn't set limits with the family member, but at the time I was simply trying to calm them down.

Yes, the actual patient is a very frail elderly person, unable to vouch for themselves at this point, and social worker et al. are involved in the case.

Thanks again for your support & comments!

Lots of great advice. By the way, I didn't have that patient last night (Thanksgiving), and actually, didn't even see the "family member" come in, so I had a great night at work. Thanks to your feedback, next time, I will at least have a better idea how to handle the situation.

Hope you all had a great Thansgiving! :)

Specializes in Geriatrics/Oncology/Psych/College Health.
Originally posted by kona2

(following me behind the nurses station and folding the arms and glaring at me when I'm on the phone).

Kona, so glad you had a better night. The behavior noted above should not be tolerated, either. We typically keep people from lingering around the nurses' station. They are told (politely, of course) that there is a great deal of confidential information there (what with charts everywhere and a certain amount of conversation between staff and docs necessary.) People are invited to wait out in the waiting area (away from the station) when they are not visiting with their loved ones.

A typical interaction between myself and a family member who is lingering at the station is, "May I help you?" "Yes, I'm waiting to see x doctor (or whatever.)" "When he comes in, where can I tell Dr. X he can find you?" "Oh, I'll just wait here." Well, sir, we can't have people waiting around the nurses' station due to the delicate nature of information we have to handle here." "Oh, I'm not listening to anything." "Nonetheless, sir, that is our policy. Where can I tell Dr. X you'll be? (sweet smile.)"

Anyone who doesn't get the hint after hitting him with the broken record of "You can't hang out at the nurses' station," gets invited to go hang somewhere else or be escorted elsewhere. Most people are cool about it.

When you KNOW certain people are going to be problem situations from the word go, it sure takes the emotion out of things from your end to have a canned response ready. That way, you don't get caught off guard. The boy scout motto comes to mind ;). Good luck! :)

Originally posted by NRSKarenRN

Look closely at the law---states "Home healthcare worker" means a licensed nurse who provides health care in a home

NOTHING about those nurses who work in the hospital. Glad to see I would be protected

Below is a portion of the law. As you can see,nurses are included. If your hospital has an emegency room, then you are an employee of a health care provider, you are covered.

(1) "Emergency medical service provider" means an individual or employee of a health care provider who provides medical or health care services in the course of his employment or training which includes, but is not limited to, emergency physicians, nurses, emergency medical technicians, paramedics, members of rescue squads, and anyone directed by these individuals.

in NC doing home care!

Specializes in Nephrology, Cardiology, ER, ICU.

In the state of Illinois - its also a felony to threaten or touch a healthcare worker. I'm an ER nurse in large inner-city hospital and don't hesitate to call security, then police and file report. I have to go to court December 11th as a matter of fact for an assault charge against a gun-toting gang member. Its totally ridiculous you would have to put up with this.

Originally posted by sjoe

Threatening bodily harm happens to be against the law in California if the person is capable of carrying out that threat.

My sugggestions:

1) call security and have this person(s) escorted out--don't take NO for an answer

2) a formal, written complaint to your facility AND

3) a formal, written complaint filed with your local police department

4) (and a restraining order, if that seems TO YOU to be called for).

Remember:

Agreed. Please, note management does NOT have a right to undermine you in this.

Originally posted by kona2

Thanks everyone for the great advice!

I will have to fill out an incident report about this. Aside from the physical threat, this one family member is a nightmare to deal with...angry, inappropriate every admission without fail (following me behind the nurses station and folding the arms and glaring at me when I'm on the phone

By the way, I didn't have that patient last night (Thanksgiving), and actually, didn't even see the "family member" come in, so I had a great night at work. Thanks to your feedback, next time, I will at least have a better idea how to handle the situation.

Hope you all had a great Thansgiving! :)

This goes beyond hostle. It is Threatening and it is illegal for him to enter the nurses station.

Hummmm! so concerned they couldn't even be bothered with this family member on thanks giving day.

sorry but people, no idiots, like this slay me.

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