What am I, chopped liver?

  1. My mom (who lives in another city) has been sicker than a dog for the last week. Worst headache of her life, 8/10 low back pain, worst on the right flank, fever, chills, extreme fatigue. Decreased UOP with burning and foul odor. States, "I'm pretty sure I've got a raging kidney infection".

    I drove 2.5 hours to see her on Sunday, and once there, took one look at her and said, "You need to go to the ED for antibiotics and some fluid". She refused all night long, I finally drug her into her PCP's office on Monday AM. The PCP wanted to admit her right away, but my mom balked. She got started on antiobiotics ASAP and I had go to home. I called last night - SHE FELT WORSE, advised her again to go to the ED but she refused.

    She called her PCP for advice, the PCP again advised her to go to the hospital but said, "Its up to you. You will feel worse before you feel better with this kidney infection".

    When I asked my mom why she wasn't going to the hospital even though she felt worse and she says, "Well, your dad and I feel I don't need to go after talking with a real professional".

    Ouch. Thanks Mom. Not only am I worried about you, but the "real professional" and I agree that you should be in the hospital. ARGH! (through gritted teeth) I DO hope you get better soon!
  2. Visit sunshineonleith profile page

    About sunshineonleith

    Joined: May '05; Posts: 61; Likes: 16
    Specialty: Emergency


  3. by   SuesquatchRN
    Your mother is channeling mine.
  4. by   nursemike
    There's a reason we don't (formally) treat family members: the incidence of patient homocides would be astronomical!

    I had to call a telephone triage nurse after my father had an allergic reaction to one of his meds--apparently, spironolactone. D/C'd the suspected med, gave diphenhydramine on the nurse's advice, problem resolved. Of course she suggested he come in, and of course he wouldn't. As she asked, knowingly, "Does he have some dementia?" I could only answer ruefully, "No, he's just stubborn."
  5. by   sirI
    I totally understand. Mine has done me the same way throughout my entire career.

    She recently sustained a knee injury after a fall. I instructed her to go to the ED. But, she spoke to the answering service of her PCP and told me, "Well, I talked to a real nurse and she told me I could come into the office in the morning. The "nurse" was a receptionist and my mother didn't tell her that she had fallen or that she was in what she described to me, "excruciating-please-pray-for-me-that-I-can-get-through-the-night kind of pain".

    I've never been a professional in the eyes of my mom.

    Don't take it to heart. You are a professional. You just probably can never get that over to your family members.
  6. by   TazziRN
    [font=book antiqua]my mom will ask me a question, and if i don't know the answer she'll say "why don't you know? you're a nurse!!"
    [font=book antiqua]
    [font=book antiqua]when i do know the answer and then she has a doc's appt, she'll turn around and ask the doc the same question and get the same answer. i stopped complaining about it when she said "you're just a nurse, he's a doctor!"
    [font=book antiqua]
    [font=book antiqua]*throw up hands*
    [font=book antiqua]
    [font=book antiqua]can't win for losin'........
  7. by   firstaiddave908
    I hope your mom gets better.
  8. by   Roseyposey
    My mom's the same way. I don't feel too bad, though, because my brother is an attorney who's licensed in several states - including the one she lives in, and she recently did one of those do-it-yourself wills because she was convinced that he's not a "real" attorney.
  9. by   SharonH, RN
    Some people have trouble reconciling the person they love with the professionals who administer their healthcare. True story:

    Several years ago, while working home health I got a referral for the elderly father-in-law of one of our referring docs. This particular doc sent a lot of business our way so you can imagine there was a lot of pressure to make this family happy. Well, there was not a day that I did not step in that house when the doc's wife(the patient's daugher) would come running to me and say "Dad has XYZ problem, what should I do?" or "Bob(the physician/husband) said we should do ____ for Dad. Do you think that's right?"

    Every day she would ask me to validate or contradict the opinion and in some cases the written orders, of this man who had been practicing for at least 25+ years. To her he was Bob, the guy who probably left his socks in the floor and who belched at the dinner table. What did he know? If I didn't know better, I would have thought it was a set-up.

    So don't take it too personally. Best wishes for your mom's speedy recovery.
  10. by   SharonH, RN
    Quote from Roseyposey
    My mom's the same way. I don't feel too bad, though, because my brother is an attorney who's licensed in several states - including the one she lives in, and she recently did one of those do-it-yourself wills because she was convinced that he's not a "real" attorney.

    Oh now that's too funny!
  11. by   Jolie
    Oh well, at least she didn't call your brother the mechanical engineer, or son-in-law the marketing director for their opinions. That's what happens in our family. BTW, I'm a nurse and my sister is an internist, for Goodness sake!
  12. by   locolorenzo22
    we have the understanding in my family....medical=me, legal=brother, after that- well, you know. Dad had hernia sx the other week, and after talking to him about post op instructions, etc. etc....was convinced he was going to be hiking miles up to 1 week after! I had to talk him down to a couple blocks....
  13. by   hikernurse
    I'm the first my mom calls for advice and assistance. I'm happy to oblige but no matter what I tell her she says, "Well, let me call your brother (a doctor) and see what he says." He tells her the same thing I did and it's like she's hearing it for the first time .

    After I've spent the day taking her to the doctor's and tests, educating her on what's happening, what they're looking for, her meds, she will say, "It's a good thing your brother is on top of this..." Yep, chopped liver here, too .

    At least I know she loves me .
  14. by   Selke
    My mother has done the same thing. She has always told me since a small child, no matter what I say or do, that I don't know what I'm talking about or am lying and will start a personal attack. Yes, that's permanently undermined my developing self confidence, but that's another story. She also hates women and hates herself and thus me ... so many years ago I stopped talking to her and sharing information about me and I don't think she's ever noticed. The less she knows the less she has to attack. She is very sick (physically) and has had untreated mental illness her entire life (probably partially from a harsh childhood of neglect and abuse) and I understand that, but for years I have rarely talked to her because I can't handle the constant negative barrage on my capabilities as a human being. Hang in there. Realize you won't get validation or acknowledgment from your family and look for it elsewhere. Her behavior isn't your fault, you didn't cause it, she did, it's her problem although it affects you deeply.