Today We Lay to Rest

Aneroo, LPN

I was fresh out of nursing school, working my first nursing job in a large emergency department. I was with Marie*, my preceptor, a wonderful nurse. She managed to be strong and got her job done quickly and well, but yet was gentle and had a huge heart. It was late in the evening- we get the word from our charge nurse, Jessica*, that we would be getting the chest pain patient in our room. I still remember the room (48), the layout. The lights glowed brightly overhead.

The local EMS squad flew into the ambulance bay and ran the gurney into the room. The EMTs and paramedics were themselves drenched in sweat, breathless as they gave a report.

I glanced at our new patient. A large man, although young, maybe in his early 30's. His bare chest was damp with sweat. We struggled to get the cardiac leads to sticking to him as he squirmed about the stretcher, trying his best to catch his breath and find a position of comfort. I glanced at the monitor- tombstones. Another nurse started an IV and drew blood, and registration worked on getting his information. The doctors studied his EKG as the charge nurse called to get the cath lab crew called in.

Before I knew it, it was time to go. The cath lab team was setting up the room. We hooked our patient to the portable monitor. The patient looked at my Marie, panic in his eyes as he said: "Please don't let me die". My heart sank, as I knew then, he probably would die. We unhooked IV bags from poles, unlocked the stretcher, and began to roll down the hall.

Although I was pregnant at the time, I was still able to push stretchers. I began to push his stretcher when his wife and daughter rounded the corner. I don't even remember if I stopped completely, but I did slow down. He told his wife and daughter he loved them, and they kissed him and said their "I love you" as well. Jessica began to yell at me to "GO! GO! GO!". I picked up the pace, and we rounded the corner to the cath lab. We gave report, and came back to pick up the pieces.

Jessica came up to us about 15 minutes later. Our patient coded, and they could not save him. This son, husband, father- gone, only memories left.

My heart swelled as I thought about it more. Did the thirty seconds I slowed down to let my patient and his family speak, kiss, and share their love cause his harm? I doubt it- the damage was done, and a few minutes later he would be gone. Yes, I got yelled at, and yes, it made me mad, made me want to cry, made me want to leave for that quick moment. I realized them I gave that family a moment they'll never forget. That was the last time they'd see their loved one alive, and had I kept going, it never would have happened.

Today, as we lay to rest another son, father, husband, I pray that my coworker was able to have that moment as well. I hope someone slowed down enough to let love shine through, to let the last memory be a joyous one.

Tonight, I'll go home and hug my husband and daughter tighter, and say "I love you" more than they can imagine, because I fear we won't have that last slow moment together, and we never know when it will be.

*Names Changed

Today We Lay to Rest

About Aneroo, LPN

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