Today we lay to rest the husband of one of my coworkers. The news of his death haunts me and brings back memories of my first patient having a major heart attack.
I was fresh out of nursing school, working my first nursing job in a large emergency department. I was with Marie*, my preceptor, a wonderful nurse. She managed to be strong and got her job done quickly and well, but yet was gentle and had a huge heart. It was late in the evening- we get the word from our charge nurse, Jessica*, that we would be getting the chest pain patient in our room. I still remember the room (48), the layout. The lights glowed brightly overhead.
The local EMS squad flew into the ambulance bay and ran the gurney into the room. The EMTs and paramedics were themselves drenched in sweat, breathless as they gave a report.
I glanced at our new patient. A large man, although young, maybe in his early 30's. His bare chest was damp with sweat. We struggled to get the cardiac leads to sticking to him as he squirmed about the stretcher, trying his best to catch his breath and find a position of comfort. I glanced at the monitor- tombstones. Another nurse started an IV and drew blood, and registration worked on getting his information. The doctors studied his EKG as the charge nurse called to get the cath lab crew called in.
Before I knew it, it was time to go. The cath lab team was setting up the room. We hooked our patient to the portable monitor. The patient looked at my Marie, panic in his eyes as he said: "Please don't let me die". My heart sank, as I knew then, he probably would die. We unhooked IV bags from poles, unlocked the stretcher, and began to roll down the hall.
Although I was pregnant at the time, I was still able to push stretchers. I began to push his stretcher when his wife and daughter rounded the corner. I don't even remember if I stopped completely, but I did slow down. He told his wife and daughter he loved them, and they kissed him and said their "I love you" as well. Jessica began to yell at me to "GO! GO! GO!". I picked up the pace, and we rounded the corner to the cath lab. We gave report, and came back to pick up the pieces.
Jessica came up to us about 15 minutes later. Our patient coded, and they could not save him. This son, husband, father- gone, only memories left.
My heart swelled as I thought about it more. Did the thirty seconds I slowed down to let my patient and his family speak, kiss, and share their love cause his harm? I doubt it- the damage was done, and a few minutes later he would be gone. Yes, I got yelled at, and yes, it made me mad, made me want to cry, made me want to leave for that quick moment. I realized them I gave that family a moment they'll never forget. That was the last time they'd see their loved one alive, and had I kept going, it never would have happened.
Today, as we lay to rest another son, father, husband, I pray that my coworker was able to have that moment as well. I hope someone slowed down enough to let love shine through, to let the last memory be a joyous one.
Tonight, I'll go home and hug my husband and daughter tighter, and say "I love you" more than they can imagine, because I fear we won't have that last slow moment together, and we never know when it will be.
I agree with the others here who note that no one will really know for sure if an extra minute or two would have really saved that person....
What we **do know** is that thanks to your caring, that family was able to say goodbye to their loved one and gain proper closure.
Again, IMO you did the right thing, and I hope and pray that this is the type of nurse I will be someday - someone who is less hung up on "the rules" and more concerned about the people
It's sad that the person who yelled at you later on did not see any of this or consider it.
Once again, I consider your story to be uplifting and inspiring - thank you so much for sharing it with all of us.
I thought that this was a very inspiring story. IMO you definitely did the right thing, and please don't ever think otherwise. If that was my husband and you had paused me in the hallway - I would never have forgotten it, and maybe she hasn't, either?
What dismays me is the humanity of the superior nurse. I think on this occassion, she was in the wrong for raising the issue with you. I imagine it only made you doubt your decision. Of course, I do see it from her side, but I think she should have realized that it perhaps wouldn't have changed anything.
I'm not normally religious, but bless you. I can't wait to be a nurse of your calibre.
I would like to thank you for that article, not to many people take the time for love ones to say good bye when they are still here, the family is probably thankful for that moment in time. Thanks for thinking of others. :)
That wife and daughter will be forever grateful (along with the husband) for that moment that you were so compassionate to give to them. How many people are haunted by NOT having that last minute to say something to their loved ones.
We 'think' we control every situation, but we don't. His life was in God's hands too not just yours. Keep being a compassionate nurse. You'd be surprised how important that is to any patient. I rather have a compassionate nurse than someone who follows the rules all the time and is blind to what the patient really needs most. You assessed the whole situation and gave the patient what he needed most at that time. Kudos to you!
About 10 years ago my dad had a heart attack. So bad it was that they told him in the ED that they didn't know if he would make it to bypass...He needed an emergency stent just to get him to last until the open heart suite was ready. I was in Florida at the time, he in California. My mom called and said it looked bad, but that dad was cracking jokes. They did the procedure and got him to open heart. I was not even in the medical field then. So, I waited for news for hours. I washed the entire outside of my double-wide mobile home in 6 hours...washed the dogs. The phone call came, he survived...but then they had trouble extubating. He would not breathe. Finally on the fourth day, it was successful. Later that evening, I called the nurses station in the ICU. I will never forget Jeff, 3,000 miles away. I told him I was the only daughter who could not come. Could not afford to. Does he have a phone in his room? Can I talk to him? These questions now seem silly, but I didn't know then what I know now. Jeff said, no, there is no phone. We're not allowed to put phones in the room for critical pts. Oh, I see. I understand. Then, I started telling Jeff all these things I wanted him to tell my dad, just in case things went South. Tell him I love him, tell him we'll be strong like he is strong...but he wasn't answering me. There was silence on the phone. I asked, Jeff are you there? Suddenly he came on the phone and said, wait one second then start talking. Huh? I did what he said, and when I was done I heard in a raspy, hoorifice, and weak voice, 'I love you, too, sugar.'
He had brought the phone into my dad's room and let me talk to him, however briefly. I was so overcome with gratefulness, I wrote a thank you card write then and put it in the mail for that special ICU nurse. How he comforted me from thousands of miles away I will never forget.
Aneroo, I certainly didn't want to take away from your incredible story. Just adding that the small things we do make such a difference. I hope when you are confronted with a similar situation in the future, you do the exact same thing. God bless you for filling in the tiny holes in pt care that include the family. I can't imagine how much better you made that horrendous situation for them. You are an
Specializes in Flight, ER, Transport, ICU/Critical Care.
a beautiful story.
those few seconds did not change the outcome for the patient - it changed the outcome for the family. it gave them the gift of telling their cherished husband and father that they loved them - priceless. that time will have to last forever - and thanks to having a kind and involved nurse caring for them - they will always remember that blessed few seconds.
i always make that "time" before we leave with a patient. that few seconds may very well be the last chance for the patient and family to say what they need to. i have been on the ground watching a helicopter lift with someone i loved and it is terrifying. off into the unknown. will i see my family alive when we get to the hospital? that is the tough stuff.
a recent call had a patient being taken form a tele floor and being flown to tertiary care. (odd?) patient had been admitted with cp and given standard tx (heparin gtt, serial enzymes and cardio work-up) and was found to have an actively dissecting aortic aneursym. bad.
when we arrived there was some confusion, tense nurses, confused family and well, chaos. it took a bit for the hospital to get stuff together. finally, my partner and i became very clear and direct with what we needed, what was happening and that time was working against us. i am never cruel - but, i was honest with necessary information to the patient, family and facility.
once we loaded and getting ready to leave the patients husband bent down to her and said,
"i am not ready to let you go. i thought we would have more time - i love you too much for you to leave me. there is still so much we have to do - i never thought you could be taken from me like this. you have been the love of my life and have blessed me with a beautiful family and home. i love you more today than the day we married 46 years ago."
yep. that is pretty much what was said. i wrote it down later that night. well, i am not ashamed to say that i cried (my partner cried) it was just the most humbling and heartbreaking thing that i have ever heard in a situation like that one.
ultimately, the patient went direct into risky lifesaving surgery straight from the helipad. the patient survived to d/c. i pray that they had a blessed holiday. that patient/family taught me one of the most humbling, heartbreaking lessons of my career.
i tell those i care about just how i feel every chance i get. i guess you can never be too ready.
Thanks for sharing this. And thanks for 'caring' about the person! You made a difference in their life and memories because of it.
'I always make that "time" before we leave with a patient." Please keep this resolve. As a patient, we cannot always do what we want and have to rely on having someone in charge who is assessing our situation as a whole, therefore, knowing what we 'really' need at that particular time. NEVER underestimate the importance of a 'caring' nurse, doctor, etc.!
AZ_LPN_8_26_13
462 Posts
I agree with the others here who note that no one will really know for sure if an extra minute or two would have really saved that person....
What we **do know** is that thanks to your caring, that family was able to say goodbye to their loved one and gain proper closure.
Again, IMO you did the right thing, and I hope and pray that this is the type of nurse I will be someday - someone who is less hung up on "the rules" and more concerned about the people
It's sad that the person who yelled at you later on did not see any of this or consider it.
Once again, I consider your story to be uplifting and inspiring - thank you so much for sharing it with all of us.