Thoughts about childcare during procedures

Energizer Bunny · May 25, 2004

you know what? none of you have any idea of what is going on in my family or has happened since I had children, so you cannot tell me that I have to think of the responsibility before I had them. I DID and I also had much more support then. I'm done with trying to explain myself, because apparently some cannot see my point of view though I have openly expressed that I can see theirs.

IMustBeCrazy · May 25, 2004

i will say it again since it has fallen on deaf ears...

it's nobodys business to tell others to have or don't have children.

now, can we please get back to the original topic of this conversation?

VaKidPN · May 25, 2004

CNM,

I think you are right on the money. First off, I do see nasty replies. Second, She simply asked what people thought of the idea of some sort of child care set up in the hospital. Thirdly, she went on then to ask what can someone in her situation do? Im pretty sure getting rid of her kids is not an option for her sadly to the thought of those who think her kids are like second hand smoke. Lastly, anyone who tells someone that they should not have their kids is a coldhearted human being. I do not agree with the idea of a child care set up in the hospital for various reasons, however, I cant imagine being so cold to someone who was obviously just stating an idea and asking for suggestions.

caroladybelle, BSN, RN · May 25, 2004

But as I said before, I could not reciprocrate childcare w/another mom because I don't feel like dealing w/other's peoples children.

My point exactly!!!!!!!

And that is your choice. But you should expect that it will limit your options. And at such time as you need that help, you may have accept that sacrifice of dealing "w/other's peoples children to have them reciprocate. It is more fair than dumping them on a "volunteer hospital system".

But the OP wants "volunteer" child care....she/mothers that want that should understand that they have to reciprocate..that you have to give to get....which is what people used to have in the "old days". Instead we live in a society that wants to insulate itself. We have children but want them to be conveniant for just us. Our job threaatens us with dismissal if we take time to care for our/our spouses health, why do you work at/support a place that treats families so poorly? We find our neighbors/coworkers dull or time consuming, so we do not cultivate a relationship that blossom into a good and valuable resource....because we might have to reciprocate and give time of ours.

The idea that we may have to accomodate someone's immediate need so that they will accomodate ours is just too threatening. We want someone that requires no ties to just give it to us. Sorry, that is no one's duty.

I understand the problems that the OP has, as I have been a single mother, as said before. And I had numerous medical problems at the time.

But the OP has not said why she does not try the very common sense, simple

suggestions that I have offered. Instead of taking the iniative and employing the effort to help herself and her family (and others, potentially), she says"You just don't understand" or that we are "being nasty".

Why does she not broach the hospital and round up the "volunteers", herself being the first one to make the sacrifice? It is only right.

And if you say that you do not have time, well just think that everyone of us, from "elderly thumb twiddlers" to single women to busy mothers consider their time valuable and make choices on how to spend it wisely. And if you (as a parent) think that your time too valuable to spent creating this service, why should anyone else?

Saved_by_Grace · May 25, 2004

you act as if she asked you to watch her children personally! :uhoh3: i would just like to tell you that situations change. spouses lose jobs as in my situation due to downsizing or any number of things can happen to change a family's need. true she asked for others opinions but i'm sure she never expected the barrage of verbal attacks. you certainly have the right to voice your opinion, but a little tact might br considered in your response. cnm i understand you were just trying to have a conversation. i like to think as a well rounded person that i can see everyone's point of view or at least respect it though it may differ from mine. but i understand and agree with you 100% kim.

caroladybelle, BSN, RN · May 25, 2004

No one has verbally attacked her.

We have offered several common sense answers, that she chooses not to take....and then asks what we would do in her situation.....which we have already told repeatedly what could be done.

That demonstrates that we are accepting of her situation, that we DO understand and that we have thought it through...yet she does not explain what is wrong with those ideas and accuses us of "being nasty".

The OP is the one accusing people of being "nasty" and " sarcastic" to her and characterizing volunteers as "elderly women twidding their thumbs". Not those responding to her. So I suggest you point your verbal attacks comments to her, not those who have attempted to offer solutions to her dilemma and been rebuffed with accusations.

She asked for dialogue and she got polite dialogue...if she is not happy with the answers that she got and if she does not accept the solutions offered to her dilemma, that is her problem.

But she has no business saying that we are sarcastic, nasty and that we haven't considered her situation and offered solutions.

Saved_by_Grace · May 25, 2004

I would beg to differ. It's true you can't hear tone through typing but it really does come off rather harsh....sorry but it does. I've seen several posts where others ask for advice or opinions and noone was quite so snippy with their responses as I have seen in this thread. If you don't mean it that way we have to take your word for it but I hope you can see that it can come off harsh. Have a good night.

IMustBeCrazy · May 25, 2004

Here is the original post in it's entirety:

I have been thinking of this for a long time now. Some of you may actually have some sort of system set up in your hospitals since you are in bigger cities, etc. What would you think of this idea or does your hosptial already have something similar?
When going for a procedure (ex. my u/s with my third child) I sometimes have to drag the other two kiddos with me. This can become very inconvenient for everyone involved, including whoever is actually doing the test or procedure. I think that volunteers could be utilized in this instance and they could set up a playroom of sorts for children to go to for the duration of whatever I am having done, whether is be a blood draw or an x-ray or an MRI. What do you think?

I don't see anywhere in this post where the OP was soliciting opinions other than if hospitals have some sort of arrangement for children during procedures. Yet, this thread has morphed from that into conditions of being a 'good' parent, the number of children one should have to be able to 'manage' them sufficiently and the like.

Perhaps the reason that we are taking exception to the answers is because they aren't answering the original question? You know, the part about 'if your hospital does something similar'?

hogan4736, BSN, RN · May 25, 2004

i will say it again since it has fallen on deaf ears...
it's nobody's business to tell others to have or don't have children.

as an aside, in certain situations, i disagree...though unrelated to the topic at hand, the fact that i have to petition the city to add a room on to my house, go to city hall, pay money, get a permit, etc., sucks...

but, the fact that anyone can have a brood of kids with no repercussions, no permits, no permission, is society's business...

that opinion is not popular, and has likely been discussed to death on this forum.

back to the topic at hand.

i think the "rude" comments all have one same basic premise: some of us (with kids) would never consider wondering or asking if the hospital, the clinic, the grocery store, the plasma center, etc. had free (or paid for) day/child care. we figure it out on our own (friends, neighbors, family, etc.). that doesn't make us better than those that seek it out. it just doesn't occur to us. inasmuch as when i ran out of my percocet after an acl repair, the only idea i had was to call my ortho (ahead of time) for a refill. some patients' first solution is to go to the er for a refill, which taxes the system.

yes, unforseeable things happen after having kids, so that argument is moot as far as this discussion goes. she should not be chastised for looking for a solution (though i take issue w/ the implications that anyone was rude on this board...people need to relax.) intelligent people should be allowed to express (unpopular) opinions amongst each other without the op (or whomever) getting but hurt...

have as many kids as you want. pay for them. make them your primary responsibility, and don't lay them on anyone else's doorstep. figure it out, take them to the clinic if you have to, but you'd better keep them in line, and out of everyone's way.

besides, aren't we all outraged when parents let kids run around the r-rated movie at 9pm, unsupervised? yes we are. i get a babysitter if i want to see the movie (or wait for the video) i wouldn't expect, wonder if, or even want the theatre to have child care.

sean

SmilingBluEyes · May 25, 2004

I for one, think daycare in the hospital would be GREAT as I said before. I wish, oh how I WISH it would happen. I can't see Risk Mgt allowing it, however. Esp when talking about volunteers doing this. Logistical and legal nightmare, sadly. But I think the OP is onto something. Wonder how we would brainstorm something that would fly....

Dixiecup · May 25, 2004

bingo...
The parent w/ foot pain for 2 months brings her 5 kids in at 2200...you know the rest...
There are no trolls in this thread...just candid answers...
I have 2 boys under 3...Change work schedules to accomodate the children...Health issues ALWAYS come before work...One spouse goes to his/her appointment...The other stays home w/ the kids. Work schedule be damned... Our parents managed, why can't we?
Little kiddos don't belong in doctor's offices, ERs, hospitals, etc. UNLESS they are sick (why bring a 6 month old to visit stable grandma w/ pneumonia, on a med/surg floor - LEAVE THE BABY HOME)
sean

Totally agree.I never could understand why parents even took very small children to the movies when it was an adult film, find a sitter, don't spoil it for every one else.( a little off the subject, but, oh well)

caroladybelle, BSN, RN · May 25, 2004

Dear Imustbecrazy,

And another question....just what would you suggest I do in my situation (or someone like me) that knows no one and has no backup family? At a moment's notice, what would I do? Right now, we are at the point that dh is trying to move his schedule around constantly so that we can take kids to appointments and we can get to ours. It will be a different story in the fall when the kids are in campus childcare but I still am unable to leave them there longer than a half hour before or after my first and last classes, so I will have to then skip class to go to an appointment if I don't want to take them with me.

The question as posted by the OP that we have politely answered. Several times.

We have also answered repeatedly and politely, why it is highly unlikely that a hospital will have/start this on their own initiative.

In addition, please show me where I ( or others ) in this thread have discussed regulating the number of children or regulating being a "good" parent. The only thing that I have mentioned is the needs of people to MANAGE their own children/ childcare issues, that responsibility belongs to the parents and not hospitals/volunteers/nurses/procedure techs.

One poster has mentioned responsible family planning. That is not the same as telling them to get rid of kids or not have them at all, nor is it coldhearted. It is being a responsible human being and parent.

One person goes so far as to comment as though we are telling the OP to get rid of her children. NO ONE HAS EVEN REMOTELY DONE SO. Talk about making up things as you go.

And unless you want people voicing opinions on your parenting skills, you do need to handle your own childcare. When others handle childcare, they are given permit to do it as they see fit with your children...and you may not like the results.

There is nothing to stop anyone from going to a facility of any type and proposing this accomodation and offering to oversee it, thus taking this responsibility on their shoulders as it is SO important. I expect those of you that like this perk to march right out and offer to do so tomorrow at your local facility. And you can take the liability on your shoulders.

And if you do not do so, why is it that you don't spend some time trying to initiate this very valuable and helpful resource? Perhaps, one of you could answer that question for us.

Barring that, you have little room to complain.