Things you'd LOVE to tell the doc and get away with it....

Nurses General Nursing

Published

Since the patient version is so popular, and I had a bad weekend (and no hope for a better one this weekend....)

You've been giving this schizophrenic Alzheimer's pt 10 mg Ambien, plus 50mg Benedryl, plus 100mg Seroquel every night at their NH for years. Could you please, PLEASE explain why you stopped giving it to them when you put them in the hospital? Do I look like a lion tamer?

Yes, I am going to report you when you take the packing out of an abdominal wound with your bare hands, despite me waving gloves in front of your face. That's what the risk management software's for. BTW, did you not see the big isolation gear on the door? Pt. has hx. of MRSA in the wound, and you just stirred in it barehanded....

When I call you at 3 am and tell you your pt's BP is 212 over 179, resp are 32, and O2 sats are 78, could you please say something other than "So what do you want me to do?" Because, one night, I'm going to tell you what to do, and it's going to be something that only a hermaphrodite can physically do.

We all know this pt's a junkie; could you please, PLEASE, not admit everyone who comes to the ER with a pulse tonight? I've got two evolving CVA's and an acute MI, along with my OOB q5minutes Alzheimer's pt, my drama queen post lap chole, and one in restraints that the NH sent simple to get a break from him trying to bite them. I don't need a "demerol, phenergan and diet soda" q4h, too.

Specializes in ICU, Telemetry.

And in that vein....

"Wait...hold on just a second, let me pull just a little bit more...maybe a half inch more twist....*POP* there, now your head's out of your butt, so can you please write me the order like I asked you?"

Specializes in Medical.
lol...the reason they do the 12 oclock to 12 oclock nipple twist is to check for response to central pain stimuli. they probably would do sternal rubs if ...if they only had one patient. but most of the trauma docs and neurosurgeons have 10-20 patients with profound neuro injuries and if they wont respond to voice.....

maybe i should have included that the doctor was neither a trauma doc nor a neurosurgeon but a medical resident and that nipple twisting is not the standard at my hospital, even on the neurosurgical or trauma wards, both of which i worked on in my younger days. i also could have added hat the patient had no history (recent or past) to indicate a neurological issue, and did have an extremely low bgl.

but thank you for bringing this to my attention. i like to expand my knowledge.

Specializes in IMCU.

How about...

Your bum looks big in those scrubs! LOL

Specializes in accident and emergency nursing, general.

thanks a lot for the article

please doc when next you need my help use the word "PLEASE" and do not

be arrogant and proud.i am not your maid neither did your send me to nursing

school.

Specializes in ICU.
I think you are overreacting...there is at least ONE hot doctor in any hospital,you mean to tell me that you know all the doctors from all the units? There is nothing wrong with being attracted or even have a little crush on the docts as matter of fact it is natural,women are attracted to the power and prestige,that doesnt mean they are trying to date or go out with the doctor in question it is just a state of mind...those who usually admit otherwise are the first to actually go out with the doctor...I dont understand this general negativity about the doctors,this thread was suppose to be fun but it turning ugly and people are starting to stereotype...we should build bridges instead of breaking them,how would you feel if someone was to stereotype about the nurses and said "all nurses are short and fat"...I'm sorry but I really believe that stereotypes are the sign of ignorance.

el oh el!

Specializes in M/S, MICU, CVICU, SICU, ER, Trauma, NICU.

Please don't overwhelm us with the cologne.

And can you keep your eyes in your sockets instead of down our secretary's chest?

Specializes in med-surg 5 years geriatrics 12 years.

Don't complain that nurses should not use the computer area set aside for doctors and then sit at the nurses station and use one of ours.

1. The next time you say something outrageously rude to me, or speak to me with a command, I will reply "yes massa." :lol2:

2. No, I am not impressed at how your arms look in your scrub top, so quit showing them off in front of me. I am also not impressed that you keep insisting on brushing up against my rear end with your hairy hands. If you do it again, I will jab you with my hemostats.:angryfire

3. We are all human beings, doing a difficult job, with different roles. Nothing makes anyone of us any more special than anyone else (despite what the CEOs or CFOs of the hospital might tell you, Docs), So, get over yourselves, and remember, if we nurses were to all to be out because of some strange "nurse only virus" you'd be knee-deep in

****.

4. For those of you, mostly the younger, newer generation, thanks for the camradarie, humility, and respect for the knowledge we have, and for your accessibility when we have questions. It's a two-way street, and so many of you seem to really get that it is all about what's best for the patient. You are truly special!!:yeah:

5. Yes, I have boobs. No, I don't want you to see them. That's why I wear something under my scrub top. So, quit hinting about how I should be hot with my undershirt on. You're not getting a view, ever. No, not ever (not the same guy as the one who'se going to get the hemostat poke).:uhoh3:

6. The next time you go in and act like an ass to a family, leaving me to clean up the mess, I am going to start charging you personally by the hour for my "emotional distress." I'll start documenting it, leaving it in your box, and writing a letter about it to the CEO. Think I'm kidding? Just wait. I'll also be giving the family an evaluation form to rate their satisfaction about their stay, and about you.:idea:

7. Consent? What consent? I thought that was your job. (one of these days, I am going to say that one.)

8. Again, to those of you who realize that this is a team effort, and without all of us working together the patient suffers, my gratitude to you is unmeasurable. You make my days so much easier, my patients so much happier, and my job much more worthwhile. You are treasures that we need to take care of. For some of you, I might just even bring you coffee (but only once...).:redpinkhe

Really can't you please write so I can read your orders. When daily looks like today, there is a problem. Also we have one dr. at our place that is horrible to everyone, just about every time. I wanted so badly to say to him, "If you would have signed the antibiotic reorder form I would have had to page you. If you are that conserned about your safety driving don't yell at me for 15 min in addition the the 15 min you were on hold because I was transferring a patient to the ICU." I can't wait until this dr. retires or passes away. (which is a distict possibly.)

Please don't mumble orders behind my back whilst I'm doing something else and I don't even know that you're talking to me... and then complain because I didn't do it :uhoh3:

Dont borrow my stethoscope and then forget to return it and dont EXPECT me to lend to you just like I'm your bank!!!! I saved for a long time to buy a Littman and I dont feel like chasing you around the hospital so I can get it back!!!!!

Specializes in CCU, SICU, CVSICU, Precepting & Teaching.
dont borrow my stethoscope and then forget to return it and dont expect me to lend to you just like i'm your bank!!!! i saved for a long time to buy a littman and i dont feel like chasing you around the hospital so i can get it back!!!!!

i used to work with a nurse who lost three stethescopes to the same cardiologist. now why did she continue to let him borrow them?

+ Add a Comment