Things you'd LOVE to tell the doc and get away with it....

Nurses General Nursing

Published

Since the patient version is so popular, and I had a bad weekend (and no hope for a better one this weekend....)

You've been giving this schizophrenic Alzheimer's pt 10 mg Ambien, plus 50mg Benedryl, plus 100mg Seroquel every night at their NH for years. Could you please, PLEASE explain why you stopped giving it to them when you put them in the hospital? Do I look like a lion tamer?

Yes, I am going to report you when you take the packing out of an abdominal wound with your bare hands, despite me waving gloves in front of your face. That's what the risk management software's for. BTW, did you not see the big isolation gear on the door? Pt. has hx. of MRSA in the wound, and you just stirred in it barehanded....

When I call you at 3 am and tell you your pt's BP is 212 over 179, resp are 32, and O2 sats are 78, could you please say something other than "So what do you want me to do?" Because, one night, I'm going to tell you what to do, and it's going to be something that only a hermaphrodite can physically do.

We all know this pt's a junkie; could you please, PLEASE, not admit everyone who comes to the ER with a pulse tonight? I've got two evolving CVA's and an acute MI, along with my OOB q5minutes Alzheimer's pt, my drama queen post lap chole, and one in restraints that the NH sent simple to get a break from him trying to bite them. I don't need a "demerol, phenergan and diet soda" q4h, too.

Gawd, you're sexy.

LOL:heartbeat:heartbeat:heartbeat

Specializes in ICU, Telemetry.
Gawd, you're sexy.

Not at my hospital. At all. In fact, if you want to know what my initial reaction was, go watch the scene in Shrek 2 where Puss in Boots ralphs up a hairball. That pretty much covers it.

Specializes in MS, OB, PEDI, VNA, TELEM.
It seems to me that you've been around the prisoners too long, and have adopted their lingo and attitude!

Professionalism will go a longer way toward having the respect and cooperation of professional team members; and not demean yourself. I hope you didn't really say that. Explaining poor staffing would have gotten the doc to do that, if he did it when you used profanity. That's obscene attention getting behavior that doesn't become a nurse. :madface:

OH LIGHTEN UP!

Specializes in OR, Nursing Professional Development.

No, I will NOT interrupt my surgical counts to answer your pager. My patient is the one on the table, not that little beeping piece of plastic. Answer the page after you've broken scrub.

Wish I worked in one of the ORs where surgeons aren't allowed to bring their pagers into the OR!

Not at my hospital. At all. In fact, if you want to know what my initial reaction was, go watch the scene in Shrek 2 where Puss in Boots ralphs up a hairball. That pretty much covers it.

I think you are overreacting...there is at least ONE hot doctor in any hospital,you mean to tell me that you know all the doctors from all the units? There is nothing wrong with being attracted or even have a little crush on the docts as matter of fact it is natural,women are attracted to the power and prestige,that doesnt mean they are trying to date or go out with the doctor in question it is just a state of mind...those who usually admit otherwise are the first to actually go out with the doctor...I dont understand this general negativity about the doctors,this thread was suppose to be fun but it turning ugly and people are starting to stereotype...we should build bridges instead of breaking them,how would you feel if someone was to stereotype about the nurses and said "all nurses are short and fat"...I'm sorry but I really believe that stereotypes are the sign of ignorance.

Specializes in MS, OB, PEDI, VNA, TELEM.
congratulations on ridding humanity of another inadequate medical practitioner! i'm so sorry you went through that. you wrote "we had to have a {_______ ___ perform an appendectomy on) my 13 yo son's ruptured appendix". (apologies for correcting your english - i have a thing about that).

i assume that you live in a small community with only one medical facility, or there's some financial benefit for getting your family's health care where you work. if not, i'd like to suggest that you use a hospital for your own care and that of your family, where you don't work.

somewhere other than your workplace, you could have asked for the infection control nurse. she/he would have taken a culture of the drainage as soon as you called her about it (without a doctor's order), given the hx of a ruptured appendix. then the most appropriate antibiotic could have been ordered 24-48 hours later, that was specific for the organism found.

meanwhile changing the antibiotic following visual s/s of post-operative infection, to one was known to be effective for most bowel contaminants, should have been done the first physician must have been from the pre-antibiotic era, waiting day by day. it's possible but not probable that your son's infection was nosocomial, but that could be disputed, since rupture had already occurred.

physicians and nurses don't have to be past 60 to have lessened professional capabilities, if alzheimer's disease rears its ugly head. it would be safer if those of us past that age, had yearly cognitive assessments and neurological exams to maintain our licenses. that way embarressing and costly errors wouldn't be happening. malpractise insurance companies have been afraid to insist that those tests be done; and currently someone has to screw up terribly, for action to be taken. it's like the traffic signals that are put up after many fatalities occur at an intersection.....

of course, hindsight is usually 20/20. :twocents:

i didn't use the hospital where i work, and i have never seen an infection control nurse go around and do cultures on patients in 27 years. and before you correct my grammar, you should check your spelling.

Specializes in Cardiac Telemetry, ED.
I think you are overreacting...there is at least ONE hot doctor in any hospital,you mean to tell me that you know all the doctors from all the units? There is nothing wrong with being attracted or even have a little crush on the docts as matter of fact it is natural,women are attracted to the power and prestige,

For me it's the brains coupled with charisma. A person doesn't have to be super good looking to have a certain charm, and if they're smart but not arrogant, that's a huge turn on.

Specializes in Neuro ICU and Med Surg.

If you want that patient in CT right NOW then help me move the patient if you are that insistant. Really it wont hurt you. (I do have to tell neuro surgery this once in awhile and then they do help)

When you throw a 30 minute temper tantrum that would rival a 2y/o at their worst don't be mad when we tell you that you were out of line and call house manager on you. All we did was ask you to read an xray. You were so nasty because it was a gol patient and you were busy. MICU was so nice to come up in the middle of your tirade and read the xray and adjust the line that needed adjusting so we could use it. We understand you are busy, but so was MICU. We didn't demand to have the xray read this instant like you told the intensivist. I did call you out on lying to the intensivest, sorry buddy but you were in the wrong here. I keep my nose out of most things, but I will not let you talk to a fellow nurse like that.

Don't write dumb orders like and I quote "Stop fentanyl dirp. Fentanyl IV drip 25-50 mcg q2h prn. Stop versed drip. Versed IV drip 1-2 mg q2h prn". Seriously I think you want IVP and I will make you rewrite it. This is a stupid order. Really I will tell you so.

Don't write things like "Valium 5mg po q6h ATC." A few lines down don't write "Valium 5mg po q6h prn" You will be asked by the nurses and pharmacy to clarify what the hell you want.

Specializes in ICU, Telemetry.

Actually, I'm in a very small hospital, and I do know them all. The couple of guys that are within 15 years of my age and are okay looking are rude and obnoxious, so they are still "ugly." And I'm not waiting for a phone call from the Miss America pagent, I'm certainly not beautiful, and I don't pretend like I am like some of our docs do.

Now, when I went to another hospital on clinicals, there was a really, REALLY cute surgeon, I mean so cute you'd walk into a wall swiveling your neck to look at him. Always nice, always, polite, would hold a chair for a nurse to sit down in -- real manners. And very, very married. They do exist, just not at my hospital.

This is supposed to be a fun thread.

"Hey, Mrs. Dr. Person! You took anatomy, right? Goooooooood. Now let's review what these two appendages are dangling off your shoulders. THAT'S RIGHT! Arms. Sweet. Now, why don't you USE those two dangly things and open that door to the next unit... YOURSELF! Yes, I know you are carrying the chart in your hand, but you can still make a go at multi-tasking. Multi-tasking is EASY. Watch me do it now as I juggle my clipboard, vitals machine, the door key and the door handle to OPEN THE DOOR for your princess butt!!!!!!"

"thank you for attending this met call for an unconscious, hypoglycemic patient. i appreciate that you want to assess her gcs for youself. however, a sternal rub is the standard to elicit a response - grabbing the patient's nipple and twisting it hard 180 degrees is not. i'm not sure if you noticed every woman in the room protectively and unconsciously cross their arms over their chests, but it really looked like it hurt. and she didn't respond so ii think we can assume she really is unconscious."

lol...the reason they do the 12 oclock to 12 oclock nipple twist is to check for response to central pain stimuli. they probably would do sternal rubs if ...if they only had one patient. but most of the trauma docs and neurosurgeons have 10-20 patients with profound neuro injuries and if they wont respond to voice.....well if they did 15 sternal rubs twice a day their knuckles would be sore as hell. difficult to operate on patients when it hurts to flex those fingers. so a 180 twist on the nipple or...the chest wall is the standard to check for central pain response to see if they withdraw or extend. otherwise they 'd be walking around with raw inflammed knuckles bc they not only have your 1 or two patients, but also every patient that lands in the er , every mva with a chi ....and every patient in the unit or the hospital that has a neuro incident. stay around long enough and you get desensitized to it, and keep in mind....they arent doing this if they respond to voice or touch...at least...i hooopppppeeee they arent!;):idea:;)

OK, now everybody keep in mind that OP WANTS THIS TO BE A FUN THREAD. Education offered inappropriately is definitely a BUZZ KILL. I love to read some of this stuff and be able to nonstop ROFLMAO... or go OMG!

Carry on all! And as others have said... MORE, MORE, MORE :yeah:

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