Relationship problems

[Beldar_the_Cenobite]

Hello!

Question!

For those who are RN/LPN or those going into nursing school or are already in nursing school, and to all of the above I just listed, is it normal to be in a relationship where you're talked to the point you're crying?

This kind of isn't nursing related but it does have to do with nurses and nursing students who have spouses they go to for support. WHat's not nursing related is my mom was telling me the other day at a restaurant, "Michael makes me cry all the time. If you're not crying, you're not in a relationship" So I guess your spouse is supposed to make you cry? I've never heard of that. Michael is my step-dad.

Now, what is nursing related, in relation to what I just asked, I've seen comments on here about nurses/nursing students and their "hubbys" saying things that make them mad when they vent. Some of the comments I've seen on here like that make me think their husbands are not supportive whatsoever.

So, an article on here is an LPN is having issues with some RNs at her job. She vents to her husband at home. Husband isn't much help. How much insanity is the LPN going through? Home and work life are providing zero exit out of a frustrating problem. I don't know what any woman or male on here who is married to a man would consider not helpful from their husband but is it normal to be in that kind of relationship? If someone makes you cry and you waste your life away with that person who doesn't have any interest in trying to help you, you would continue to be with that person?

When my mom told me Michael makes me cry all the time, I looked at her like "WHAT?" as if the world was going to end tomorrow. Not in an angry, full of rage type look like a father, but more like "I thought he was the holy grail of husband for you!!! I thought he was Mr. Perfect. Never made you cry" What made her cry recently was he was so pissed at her about something that he was talking and talking and talking and talking in such a calm way that he "talked her ear off" that she just couldn't handle it and she started crying. And I guess it's not the first time she's cried because of him. Which was a real eye-opener because I thought he was mister perfect/a womans man. What every woman wants.

Anyway, I was just wondering if what she's saying is maniacal/unhealthy or a part of life?

[ruby_jane, BSN, RN]

I will also add that it's wrong to expect a non-nursing professional to empathize with us. The stories I used to go home with....nope. If you need a confidant who will empathize, pick another nurse. It's just easier to tell a non-nursing partner "I had a hard day" when s/he asks what's wrong.

[verene, MSN]

Uh no. Don't think crying all the time is part of a normal healthy relationship. I've been with my husband (friend/dating/married) for well over a decade and while I have certainly cried for him, and with him, I think he's only made me cry once and that was the time he accidentally elbowed me in the face not realizing I was even in the same room let alone standing right behind him.

He's been super supportive of me working in healthcare, and up-ended his life so I could go to nursing school, he's seriously been my biggest cheerleader through out the process and is so proud of me for getting through school and of my work as an RN. He has little tolerance for me ranting about the day-to-day stresses of the nursing profession, but that is why I have nursing & healthcare friends to rant to about work. It just isn't his thing, and I respect that.

[Mavrick, BSN, RN]

If an SO you have been with for a while doesn't know enough about your loyalties to have you make a choice between them or your (dog, cat, kid, Beanie Baby Collection etc.) they don't know you. Why would you want that in your life?

Choose what makes you happy.

[Rocknurse, MSN, APRN, NP]

It's not normal or healthy to be in a relationship like this. I know because I was in one but didn't really see it clearly until it was over. After years of feeling anguished and stressed I walked out and I now regret wasting years of my life. Of course, it took a healthy relationship for me to understand what was so unhealthy about my previous one. My wife never makes me cry, except from happiness. Every day she makes me smile, she supports me, she nurtures me, she takes care of me. She puts me first. If I'm working she'll take care of the house, shop, cook and clean so that I don't have the stress of it when I come home. If I have a bad day she lets me rant and she hugs me and talks through things with me and I instantly feel better.

We never argue, we're always on the same page and we always have the same goal and put each other first. She doesn't even complain when I take off with my friends to go ride my motorcycle. She stands in the drive and waves me off and is happy to see me when I come home. That's the kind of relationship I wish on everyone. Don't accept anything less. If someone's making you cry, there's something wrong.

[Mavrick, BSN, RN]

Rocknurse said:

It's not normal or healthy to be in a relationship like this. I know because I was in one but didn't really see it clearly until it was over. After years of feeling anguished and stressed I walked out and I now regret wasting years of my life. Of course, it took a healthy relationship for me to understand what was so unhealthy about my previous one. My wife never makes me cry, except from happiness. Every day she makes me smile, she supports me, she nurtures me, she takes care of me. She puts me first. If I'm working she'll take care of the house, shop, cook and clean so that I don't have the stress of it when I come home. If I have a bad day she lets me rant and she hugs me and talks through things with me and I instantly feel better.

We never argue, we're always on the same page and we always have the same goal and put each other first. She doesn't even complain when I take off with my friends to go ride my motorcycle. She stands in the drive and waves me off and is happy to see me when I come home. That's the kind of relationship I wish on everyone. Don't accept anything less. If someone's making you cry, there's something wrong.

She's a keeper. You treat her right now!

[Rocknurse, MSN, APRN, NP]

Mavrick said:

She's a keeper. You treat her right now!

Oh I do! She's the only person I'll ever be with until I die. I know what I have.

[T-Bird78]

A healthy relationship doesn't mean he's making you cry, it means he's wiping your tears when you DO cry. Yes, he might frustrate you or make you mad from time to time, but his words/actions should never make you cry daily. My husband has never made me cry. I cried once early in our relationship because I was scared my son (from a previous marriage) had pushed him away, and when I called him to tell him I was ready to talk he was already pulling in my driveway. We lived an hour apart and he wasn't going to sit by and wait, he was already on the way to help me. Hope everything works out okay for your family!

[Horseshoe, BSN, RN]

Rocknurse said:

She doesn't even complain when I take off with my friends to go ride my motorcycle. She stands in the drive and waves me off and is happy to see me when I come home.

I do the same with my husband when he goes off on a road trip with his buddies. After he drives off, I stop waving goodbye, put both arms up towards the sky, and say "YES!!!" Then I put my jammies on, sit in front of the fireplace with a glass of wine (or 2), read my books or watch my favorite shows, and enjoy my solitude.

That's what a good relationship looks like. Loving being together, still nurtured when going our separate ways for short stints, and happy to re-unite. No crying whatsoever required. ?

[Mavrick, BSN, RN]

Horseshoe said:

I do the same with my husband when he goes off on a road trip with his buddies. After he drives off, I stop waving goodbye, put both arms up towards the sky, and say "YES!!!" Then I put my jammies on, sit in front of the fireplace with a glass of wine (or 2), read my books or watch my favorite shows, and enjoy my solitude.

That's what a good relationship looks like. Loving being together, still nurtured when going our separate ways for short stints, and happy to re-unite. No crying whatsoever required. ?

Nobody's crying in my house. My wife is currently in Sedona, Arizona having a "girl's weekend" with an old friend of hers. I get pictures of them with Margaritas and videos of her on a 4x4 AND Segway Tour.

I'm here in rainy Seattle lounging with the dogs, watching old survival movies and heating up stuff she left me.

Love that woman 'o mine.

[Horseshoe, BSN, RN]

Mavrick said:

Nobody's crying in my house. My wife is currently in Sedona, Arizona having a "girl's weekend" with an old friend of hers. I get pictures of them with Margaritas and videos of her on a 4x4 AND Segway Tour.

I'm here in rainy Seattle lounging with the dogs, watching old survival movies and heating up stuff she left me.

Love that woman 'o mine.

Lol, wish the OP's mom could read some of these and see what a "real" relationship looks like. ?

It's actually quite sad that someone could think that crying reflects passion which equals "good." The OP correctly sensed something off, and I hope that the posts in this thread have confirmed her suspicions.

[opalbee]

Horseshoe said:

I do the same with my husband when he goes off on a road trip with his buddies. After he drives off, I stop waving goodbye, put both arms up towards the sky, and say "YES!!!" Then I put my jammies on, sit in front of the fireplace with a glass of wine (or 2), read my books or watch my favorite shows, and enjoy my solitude.

That's what a good relationship looks like. Loving being together, still nurtured when going our separate ways for short stints, and happy to re-unite. No crying whatsoever required. ?

Right? I completely support my husband going out and spending the night with his friends because I want him to have fun and blow steam... Also, why would I tell him he's not allowed?

But I can't help but enjoy when I have the place to myself and can enjoy the quiet with some books, my pets, and maybe a little bit of hot cocoa.

[jodispamodi]

Mavrick said:

If an SO you have been with for a while doesn't know enough about your loyalties to have you make a choice between them or your (dog, cat, kid, Beanie Baby Collection etc.) they don't know you. Why would you want that in your life?

Choose what makes you happy.

Agreed, with my ex, the animals are my passion and part of my identity. I figured that if he didn't realize that was WHO I was, he really had no interest in the real me, Heck I didnt even expect him to muck stalls,lol. But it was a totally easy peasy decision.