Please Help Me

  1. Hi. Some of you may have read in some of my other posts about my father. My father is 60 years old and and end-stage alcoholic. We have had him in 30 day programs and de-tox for 5 days, at least 2-3 times. He will improve and then slowly slip back into it. Now it seems he's addicted to ativan instead of the ETOH - same thing, same result.

    What's bothering me and having me near tears is that my sister called me just a few minutes ago - and she told me that she went to a psychic who told her that our dad will die in a car accident r/t to his ETOH abuse before Christmas 2002. I tried to pass her off but as I'm sitting here trying to finish my paper that is due on Thursday, my mind keeps wandering back to this and I can't help but feel panicky inside. I don't want him to die, and naturally not from a car accident!! I love him soooo much I just wish he would get well - but it's beyond my control. I've done all I can for him - the rest is up to him.

    The thing is, I can't concentrate on my schoolwork. I mean, should I listen to this psychic or not? I'm a wreck..please...what are your thoughts????
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    About Q.

    Joined: Mar '01; Posts: 7,470; Likes: 56
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    Specialty: 7 year(s) of experience in LDRP; Education


  3. by   grouchy
    Perhaps this psychic has just given expression to the unconcious/semiconcious fears you would understandably have about your father in this situation. Maybe you need to grieve the losses your family has already experienced due to your father's addiction. Can you see a college counselor, attend an Al-anon meeting in person or online, or is your Dad still loosely connected to any kind of outpatient treatment that might offer family counseling? Maybe, just to keep functioning until you get this paper in, you can write down your thoughts, put the paper in a "worry jar", and bargain with yourself. You could allow yourself a half an hour every day to think about this, and tell yourself when you worry at other times, that you'll allow yourself to worry later during your worry time.

    My understanding is that there are no scientific studies proving psychic ability. However, sadly, alcoholism could shorten your Dad's life, which is why this seems so believable. Maybe, you need to mourn (although it's tricky right now). I know, I realized after my Mom died of breast cancer that I had spent alot of time while she was still alive mourning her potential death long before it was imminent. I think I spent as much time mourning before she died as after. So I think it's understandable to have these feelings, and I wish you luck with your paper, and with the rest of this semester. Keep us posted.
  4. by   Tim-GNP
    I once went to a psychic in New York [my friend Christine dragged me, kicking and screaming all the way], she told me that I would be married, divorced, have 3 children, and be married again before my 30th birthday--------- I asked for my money back!

    I would not put too much stock in psychics.

    But right now, be comforted, you are the one you need to be concerned about. The future will happen all by itself, we don't need to worry about it. God knows exactly where your father is at all times, and when he is ready for him, he'll find him, and no one can tell when--- not even Miss Cleo.
  5. by   nightingale
    Hugs to you Suzy....

    There is so much guilt associated with family illnesses... it is easy to say on this end... but.. it is NOT YOUR FAULT... you have done all that you can do...

    Pray... The one prayer I go to time and again.. when I start to ruminate (did I spell that right?) about this and that is the good ol' Catholic prayer of forgiveness.. if I can be forgiven... (lol) anyone can....

    Pray.. get your school work done and take time to smell the roses...

  6. by   Jenny P
    Susy, the psychic is a quack. She probably fished around to find out some of the stuff that your sister was thinking/worrying about and then told her something that is a distinct possibility with anyone who is chemically dependant.
    I don't believe that people who TRUELY can pick up these things makes a living as a psychic. They would be too exhausted trying to deal with all of that negative psychic stimulous floating around.
    Get back to the books. And take care of yourself, okay? Prayer does help, but there are some things that you can't do for him (like MAKE him sober).
    Have you attended AlAnon meetings ever? They helped me when we were going through stuff with my son.

  7. by   Q.
    Grouchy and Tim-
    Thanks for your words. I am a big skeptic myself, yet, oddly enough, when it's about something as real and sensitive as my dad, all common sense blows out the window. Then part of me gets angry. I mean, I wasn't there at this psychic reading, so I have no idea what my sister said or did not say, but where do these people get off on saying such horrible things? Geez, it just about ruined my night. My mind still trails off about it now and then, but I try to bury into studies which is what I've always done (my sister too). We both put ourselves through undergrad and now we are both going to grad school too. It's a nice distraction I must say. Gives us something else to focus on.

    Tim - your post made me smile - about Miss Cleo. Thanks a million.
    And grouchy, the comment about the studies about the accuracy of psychics was very comforting indeed. I enjoy factual information like that to bring me back to reality. Thanks again.

    Back to that damn paper on Educational Psych.......

    Jenny and Nightengale - had to say thanks as well. We've talked about Al-Anon before but you know how that goes - you never really go because you get tied up with this or that. But it's something I think that we should put at the forefront.
    Last edit by Susy K on Mar 12, '02
  8. by   semstr
    hey Susy,

    a real good psychic would never ever tell such nonsense!
    (as far as they really exist, I am very skeptic about these things too!)
    What I do know and experienced myself, that you can feel that something is wrong with a person you love or like very much.

    In your case being a co-alcoholic (like I am, as we both know) don't feel guilty! You've done enough for your dad, you can't protect him against unknown accidents or coincedences.

    You take care of yourself and write your paper, please let us know how it came out!!

    Take care, Renee
  9. by   stevie b
    Susy K.
    My heart is with you. I also had alcoholic parents,and even though I know I was not responsible for their behavior, I have had to deal with a certain amount of guilt and shame that eventually turned to resentment. Those feelings did not change the fact that I loved both of my parents.
    About the psychic. A few weeks ago I saw on TV that Sister Cleo had been charged with fraud because one of her "certified psychics" was actually a housewife who worked from her phone in the kitchen, reading off a script. I don't know if there is such a thing as a true psychic, but I do know that there are plenty of people out there who like to prey on people who are in weakened circumstances. I'm not cracking on your sister for going to see the psychic, because I don't know your sister and maybe at that point in time the visit to the psychic served some kind of need. Just try to relax and focus on what you need to do for yourself at this particular place and time.Good luck, and I will keep you and yor father in my positive thoughts.Bonnie
  10. by   Stargazer
    Not too much to add to what's already been said except that I agree that trying Al-Anon sounds like a good idea.

    As far as the psychic goes--in my opinion, since it's virtually impossible to separate a "reputable" psychic from a scam artist (like Miss Cleo), their readings should be for entertainment purposes only and taken with several big grains of salt. And I'm with the other posters who don't believe that any reputable businessperson calling themselves psychic would, or should, predict a horrible or fatal future event which the listener is powerless to prevent. What possible good would that do anyone?

    I'm guessing she doesn't get a lot of repeat business.

    I know you're busy and stressed these days, with school and work. Take care of yourself. Hugs...

    {{{Susy K}}}
  11. by   live4today
    Suzy K, my heart goes out to you, and you will remain in my daily prayers as you go through this difficult time in your life with your dad's illness. Tim's advice is right on! Death is a "definite" event that will one day claim us all, so to focus on when that day will be for your dad is no one's knowledge but God's. Just love him, and spend as much quality time as you can with him, so when that day does come, you will know that you loved him as best you could, and remember the happy times shared between you. Wasting your energy on worrying over something that no human being has control over is only robbing you of energy you could spend loving your dad. So, study and make DAD proud!
    Everyone here has given great advice.

    I'm not even going to elaborate on what bulls**t I think the psychic industry is. IT MEANS NOTHING! ABSOLUTE RUBBISH!

    I strongly agree that Al-anon is a good idea. Take it from someone who has worked in drug & alcohol rehab, it is just as beneficial to you to seek this as it is for the alcoholic to go to AA. It has to be a priority for you, for your mental health.

    Just remember that we love you here Suzy, and we're here for you whenever you need us

    Take care

  13. by   jaelle
    Suzy K............

    I know that it is very difficult sometimes to really believe that we have done all that we can in a hopeless situation. Thoughts run through your mind like mice on a wheel. "I should have...." "Maybe I ought to...." "If only I could...." It is very hard to shut down that sort of thinking when it involves someone you love. It makes it hard to accomplish anything when your mind won't let you go. Sharing that burden, with us here....with a support group....with your sister and other family members is one way to at least make the burden less. I also urge you to seek out an Al-Anon group. You do deserve it you know. We all deserve peace of mind.

    You and your family are in my prayers.

  14. by   fergus51
    Ditto! Take care of yourself Suzy.

    I hate psychics. One told me my mother would die of cancer before she turned forty-five. This after she had cancerous tumors in her bladder and a hysterectomy because of ovarian cancer. She was so freaked out! I have to thank that psychic for all that turmoil.....My mom is in her fifties now (cancer free).