stay home with no bowel movement for weeks, get admitted to the hospital then get digitally disimpacted by surgery.
repeat cycle
for 12 hours i watched him make himself throw up, on the floor of course
"why did you throw up on the floor?"
"i couldnt make it to the bathroom"
(100 cc's clear liquid...looked like an emergency to me)
threw up in his bed, in the pan, on the floor...DESPITE zofran
(it didnt work, can i have milk of magnesia?)
i had to give him morphine before the lucky surgeons disimpacted him. i pushed the morphine and he says "dont you have saline to go with that?"
(something about a scuzz bag telling me how to do my job rubs me the wrong way)
once he got bored with puking it was time to start on the poop.
he decided to try disimpacting himself on his bed. (why didnt he do that at home?)
he had poop on the bed, poop on the floor.
after a few rounds of that..i LOVED my assistant...he wanted her to wash him...she brought him in water and cloths and made him do himself...that ended the bedside disimpaction gala.
for extra excitement he alternated between making himself vomit and poop on the floor...of course he had to call me and let me know what he was doing. one of the nurses i was working with informed me that he was walking around his room with his gown open, azz sticking out with a nice big piece of poop hanging out while making himself vomit.
(i wanted to ask him to marry me but then i remembered i am engaged)
FINALLY i had to go in his room and i was slightly annoyed with this behavior...
i SCREAMED....
IT IS COMPLETELY INAPPROPRIATE FOR YOU TO MOVE YOUR BOWELS IN YOUR BED. YOU GET YOURSELF UP RIGHT NOW AND GET IN THAT BATHROOM AND MOVE YOUR BOWELS.
he says proudly
"i have a surprise for you. go look in the bathroom"
i was terrified but i had to look.
he pooped...in the toilet...on the toilet...on the seat....on the floor.
it stunk SOOOOOOO bad.
"is there something wrong with you where you cant flush the toilet?"
"i wanted you to see it"
you know...i cant think of a more appropriate way for my shift to end.
God Bless You! I haven't laughed so hard since I can't remember. Thank you for sharing the funniest & hands down worst poop story of all time! LOL. And people wonder why there's a nursing shortage! Ha ha!
Now this poor patient must be a sad and troubled person :o :sniff . Since thisnurse is taken, we need to find him someone appropriate to share his life and relieve his "distress". Anybody got any candidates?
Thisnurse! You are a saint ( Saint Thisnurse!) I would have handed him the washclothes and towels and said " Have fun cleaning it up! I don't have time for this shyt!" AND, I would have called the admitting with EVERY bowel movement and antic!
Specializes in Geriatrics/Oncology/Psych/College Health.
(stumbled across this post and HOWLED!)
Thisnurse - have you seen this guy back?
I had an elderly pt once who was on with a perf bowel because
(drum roll, please)
He used a washing maching as an enema - would hook the hose up and away he went. Apparently did this regularly and saw nothing unusual about it...
Send him psych's way - you all on the med floors are WAY too busy to deal with this stuff (not that we aren't, too, but freaks are our stock and trade!)
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:p 
:o :sniff . Since thisnurse is taken, we need to find him someone appropriate to share his life and relieve his "distress". Anybody got any candidates? 
.
shygirl
279 Posts
This guy was indeed a "sicko" . He needs psych meds ...fast. God bless your patience. I also laughed out loud!! Gilda