Nursing family members

nursecoachUK · Jun 12, 2008

Hi - caring for family members is totally different! I have had experiences with my grandmother and my Mum and it was really hard. I have been a nurse (UK) for 22 years and look after sick children, so don't think that the emotional stuff you are feeling with your Dad will affect you in the future. I have also cared for the children of paeds nurses and they were highly emotional of course when it was their own kids, but totally professional and competent with other people's.

Focus on what you loved when you did your nursing placements. Get help to deal with your dad's condition, so that emotionally you can deal with work again.

Good luck!

Claire

al7139, ASN, RN · Jun 12, 2008

Hi there!

Actually, it was caring for my father while he was dying that decided me on nursing.

I had 16 years of veterinary experience before he got sick, and when he was diagnosed with terminal cancer, I looked after him, so my mom could work to keep the health insurance.

At the end of my fathers life, we had a Hospice nurse visit us several times a week to help my dad, and do procedures to make him comfortable. But, she also worked with us and made sure we were OK, and helped us deal with caring for a loved one who was dying.

Her devotion to us, and the care she gave my dad was what decided me. I wanted to do that for others.

She was truly an angel, and had a calling to do what she did. Soon after my dad died, I went back to school and got my degree, and I am an RN now. I love it!

I hated seeing my dad sick, but he needed me to be there, and even though I hated seeing him sick, it set me on a path I hope Inever leave.

Amy

husker_rn, RN · Jun 12, 2008

Hi. My spouse is currently undergoing chemo for colon cancer with mets to the liver. I am doing his care at home since he is stable but can see what you were up against. Caring for someone is easy until it becomes a loved one...then the boundaries become blurred. Just because you had trouble dealing with your dad's health issues, it does not mean you would not be a good nurse. It only means you are emotionally involved; it's very hard to see your loved one suffer. I will do what I can as I can but know I may need help down the road and will ask for it if I need to. I am sure many others feel the same way. Good luckin whatever you decide.

TazziRN, RN · Jun 12, 2008

No, it doesn't mean you're not meant to be a nurse. Some of us can care for family members, some can't. When my brother was dying everything I knew went flying out the window and I was a basket case. When my mom was puking frank blood and the PACU nurses left me alone with her I was able to go into automatic pilot mode and take care of her. Each relative is different and each situation is different. I'm so sorry about your dad, but please don't let the experience turn you away from nursing if it's what you want to do. This may also give you insight on how to take care of cancer pts.....some of the best techniques I've learned over the years weren't from school or on the job, but because of my family or my personal experiences.

ktwlpn, LPN · Jun 12, 2008

Hello
My father is dying from stage 4 lung cancer with mets to the bone. I do not think that he will make it through the summer. My sister who normally has a weak stomach has done things for my father that she thought that she would never do. I on the other hand am keeping my distance. I can do little things for him but I hate to see him in this state.
My main question is - those of you who are nurses - are you able to work competently as a nurse but cannot care for family members or loved ones due to emotional ties.
I really want to pursue nursing again but I am nervous that my experiences with my father means I am not meant to be a nurse.

Please don't take offense -what I am doing to say is going to sound a bit harsh but please just know that I went through this scenario. You are able to take a back seat in his care because your sister is accepting that burden.If she becomes overwhelmed and can not be there what will you do? -YES it his hard to watch your loved one die-but if you don't force yourself to take amore active role in his care YOU WILL REGRET IT FOR THE REST OF YOUR LIFE...The intimate details of death and dying do get easier to handle after you conquer your initial fears.You'll become adept at compartmentalizing your feelings-I almost depersonalized each task to make it bearable.Caring for your own is vastly different then caring for strangers but I have always believed that the loved ones that can't face it are only able to run away because they are lucky enough to have someone else standing by that won't...

NBMom1225 · Jun 12, 2008

I was originally planning on being a pharmacist, I never thought I had what it took to be a nurse. Then my youngest daughter was born with cancer, and after 10 months of NG tubes, broviac care, chemo, 5 major surgeries, Neupogen injections, ostomy care, and atc meds I realized that I did have what it takes to be a nurse...and as of this month she's been in remission for 7 yrs, and I'm one year away from my ADN...

Silverdragon102, BSN · Jun 12, 2008

Always different when nursing family/loved ones to other patients. Ideally in the hospital setting it shouldn't be accepted especially if family. The hard thing when nursing family/friends you expect more and I think at times other family members rely a lot on you as you are the nurse and should know more. The thing is when it is a family member lying there you want to be family not a nurse and sometimes we (other nurses) forget that and treat you as a nurse and forget to pass info across.

SydNurse2b · Jun 13, 2008

My family went through this when my father died a little over 5 years ago. One of my sisters is a nurse. Yes it would be ideal to get advice from her about my whole possible career change but she..um well how do I say doesn't really stay in contact with the family anymore and we um really don't know where she is but that is another whole talk show. However, my father died out of state and my sisters and I went down a month before he actually passed away. The good thing about having a nurse in the family for us was that when she went into the hospital she knew what they were talking about and could help my mother understand. She made sure he was getting the proper care and that he was comfortable. I only stayed a few days and then headed home along with my other sisters. My nurse sister stayed with my mom for that month until my dad died. I think it made my mom feel a little better having her there. Not only as her daughter but as a nurse. My mom trusted her to tell her what was going on and she knew what questions to ask. She did it because she wanted to. My sister was able to handle it and I am thankful that she was there for our family. Good Luck :)

Elvish, BSN, DNP, RN, NP · Jun 13, 2008

You do what you feel you have to do, and only YOU are the one who knows that best. None of us here know the family's circumstances well enough to pass any sort of judgment.

But a family illness is SO much different than a patient illness, and as silverdragon said it, every relative is different. I can handle my mom when she's ill but my grandma? Forget about it. My brother? Probably not. I do think having this experience will give you an extra dose of compassion because you know what they flipside is like.