My nightmarish experience

Nurses General Nursing

Published

I had been having an okay time on orientation-- it was stressful but I had had a good night last night when something AWFUL happened. Now I'm wondering if I should even be a nurse...

It was toward the end of my night shift a few days ago and I was changing antibiotics. The patient was aleeping, and had been very uncooperative and refusing meds, so I didn't turn on the overhead light, just worked under the dim light of the room. A few minutes later the pt. started to complain of chest tightness. I grabbed my preceptor and a dr. Dr. said she looked alright. Then, a few minutes later, a surgical resident came in. He noticed that the port on the patient's CENTRAL LINE was off. He brought me in the room with a bunch of residents to tell me how serious this is (and I understand why. it IS serious.). I wanted to die. At that point the patient was feeling somwhat better, and the port was capped.

I cannot express how much I hate myself right now. They're giving the pt. a CXR to make sure he doesn't have a PE (which, in my mind, he definitely does have). This is a CANCER pt. I am horrified that I've added to his pain and placed his life in jeopardy. This is EXACTLY the kind off stuff I'm terrified of as a nurse....

The nurses on the floor told me to calm down and go home. They told me that mistakes happen and I shouldn't lose it over this. I went home, thew up a couple times, sobbed, and then went back to work. Saw the pt. walking and talking, but I also know pt.'s can walk and talk with a PE. I found the nurse manager and told her everything: I wanted it all to be out on the table. She said that she would right an occurence report, but that I was a good beginning nurse and to take it as a learning experience... BUT I can't stop crying. I realize the seriousness of this. It could have been much worse. I go back to work in a couple of days, but don't know if I can or even SHOULD face it. If I'm incompetnent I don't want to work as a nurse. It's too important of a job. I didn't even NOTiCE this: what might I not notice in the future, however vigillant I am?

Can't stop crying, I even called a therapist (an APRN, haha) and made an appointment for tomorrow. Anyway just venting... need advice. Am I too dangerous for this? And if I'm not, will I even be able to practice again with all this fear?

Nona

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Specializes in ED, Pedi Vasc access, Paramedic serving 6 towns.

hi,

calm down. I can kind of see where you are comming from, as I too am a new grad, and made a bit of an error the other day giving a med when it really shlould have been held, and I felt just like you, like I should not be a nurse etc etc. That was until the other nurses starting fessing up to errors they have made, one of them who is very experienced gave an IV push med to a wrong patietn not to long ago. I am not saying this makes it ok, but it made me realize that I am not the only nurse that has made a mistake, becuase at the time I sure felt like it.

My point is that you should not ignore mistakes, but you should also not dwell on them either becuase if you do it will eat you up.

Always remember every patient deserves the 5 rights, and as I learned you cannot rush those, even if they are waiting for the patietn down stairs in MRI. I am suprised though that you didn't need to turn a little light on to make sure you were giving the right drug to the right patient. Remember it is better to be safe and know that you can see what your are doing and have the patient refuse, than to just give a med in the dark and hope it is the right person.

Just learn from your mistake, becuase you dont have a choice, we all make them, even nurses.

Sweetooth

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Darlin', you are NOT incompetent. You are NOT a dangerous nurse who should never be nursing again. Yes, you made a mistake. If I had a quarter for every %$&%$ mistake I've made during this first year of nursing, I'd be a millionaire and I could retire in luxury. :trout: A very wise nurse said to me "Learn from it and move on". What have you learned from this mistake? If you were making the same mistakes over and over again, I'd be worried about your competence. You will make mistakes. And some of them will affect patients in less than optimal ways. Learn from them and keep plugging away. I know it's hard to forgive yourself, as I have trouble with that myself. Bottom line is I haven't irrevocably harmed any patients, and it doesn't sound like you have, either. In order to grow as nurses we have to be willing to learn, and we need to be gentler with ourselves. Keep relying on the nurses around you who have the experience. And never do anything you are unsure of without running it by an experienced coworker or asking for help. My coworkers are probably sick of hearing me ask questions, but I will not compromise a patient because I am not fully sure of a procedure or medication. Be gentle with yourself. Thank G-d that the patient is ok, and move forward.

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Thanks for your words... it helped a little.

part of the reason it happened was that i was so freaked out about hanging the wrong med or having air in the LINE i didn't even notice the port had come off... it's these things i don't know to check for that really scare me. i can't believe that i was so worried about a med error-- most med errors are FAR, FAR, FAR less serious than this.

have been reading about central line PE on the 'net. it's really scary stuff. i keep seeing pages that talk about permanent damage and high fatality rates. i'm seriously considering not going back to work this week. even if the patient is ok (and i pray to god she is), i'm just not confident in myself--and can't handle the risk that i may harm someone. don't know what i'll do instead...

i'm so ashamed and worry about the potential impact on my family if i can't work.

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Specializes in Emergency.

As a new grad I can SO relate!

It's amazing to me how I feel like I know absolutely nothing sometimes!

I am 2 1/2 months into work on a telemetry unit, and came in tonight to find that a pt I took care of last night bottomed out her B/P because I gave her lasix and Lopressor when I should have held it. She is OK, but I felt like a total failure, incompetent, etc. Especially because I know better than to give those meds to someone with an already low B/P. Learn from your experience, and move on. I am harder on myself than anyone else could ever be. We are nurses, not superheroes. We are not perfect, and you, like me are still learning (we will ALWAYS be learning).

Tonight I learned that when I give a med that will affect the heart, I will always assess first, and even if the CNA has just recently checked a B/P, to do my own, and think before I act.

I think every new grad goes through this, and so do "seasoned" nurses.

You will be OK, and the fact that you feel badly shows that you have a conscience and you care. Essential qualities in a good nurse! Please don't give up yet!

Amy

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Specializes in Education, FP, LNC, Forensics, ED, OB.

Original thread moved to General Nursing forum for more responses for OP.

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Specializes in Day Surgery, Agency, Cath Lab, LTC/Psych.

One of the very, very best nurses I have ever known was the most careful, cautious person. I just assumed she had always been so conscientious. To me she seemed like the "perfect" nurse and I learned so much from her. It wasn't until I had known her for about a year that she told me about a huge mistake she had made as a new grad. She had 100 mg Demerol IV push instead of 25 mg as ordered. The patient went into respiratory arrest and had to be bagged, etc. I was so shocked that she, the "perfect" nurse, would have made such a huge error. Then I realized that was why she seemed like a perfect nurse...she was so, so careful. Even though this seems like a traumatic event right now think of what kind of a nurse it will make you. You can turn this experience into a great opportunity to become more cautious and careful. Every nurse I know (including myself) has made some pretty scary mistakes--yours is certainly not the worst I've heard. Give yourself a break...you are going to make a GREAT nurse!

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OP, every single nurse I have ever talked to has said errors happen. Don't beat yourself up. I think its a good idea to talk to the counselor because it will help you work through it, but I also think you just need to WORK through it and go back to the job. You will be a good nurse.

Now, help out a new grad, I am very inexperienced with lines etc. I always have to ask which port to put it in with a PICC etc. I don't think I've ever accessed a central line. When you say the port was off, what do you mean? Do you mean that central lines have ports like a PICC and one of the red or white ports was out and it was just a plastic tube exposed? And you connected the line to that? How did that work? I'm just really curious. Thanks!

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Don't beat yourself up. You live and you learn. It is not like you meant to harm the patient. It was an accident that you can you learn from and move on. I hope that you decide to go back and cheer up. Let us know how everything goes...ok?!!!!

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Specializes in LTC, assisted living, med-surg, psych.

Think of it this way: That's a mistake you'll never make again!:)

If I had a dollar for every time I myself have made a mistake, or spoken with another nurse who's made mistakes, I'd be a rich woman. (A mistake, as I think Mark Twain said, is merely evidence that one has tried to do something.) Please don't let this discourage you from continuing on as a nurse; the only way you know you're doing the job right is to learn something new each and every day!

I know it's hard not to freak out when you've erred in a way that could cause harm to a patient, but try not to catastrophize---there is no situation on earth that can be improved by panicking. After all, the patient wasn't harmed, and you learned an extremely valuable lesson that will in all likelihood never need to be repeated.

Good luck in all you do..........and remember, nursing is a lot like riding a horse: when you fall off, you have to get right back in the saddle again!

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Every nurse hits that moment where it really truly comes home to them, that their mistakes or missteps can kill someone. It's scary, and if you want to continue to be a nurse, you have to be able to deal with it in a healthy manner--ie LEARN from your mistake, and never make that error again.

Mine was misprogramming a PCA pump. Another nurse checked it, and okayed it. I did not follow hospital policy of checking it 30 minutes after initiating it--you know, I was busy, the pt was a pain and if she was sleeping finally I didn't want to disturb her, etc. I just eyeballed her a couple of times and let the other stuff go.

So almost 2 full hours later I go to do the very late double check of pump and vitals and realize that I have totally overdosed her. I have the pump programmed for a dose of 10:1, when the med is 100:1. Luckily she had a high tolerance -- but I totally could have killed her, and still to this day I am shocked that anyone could take that much more the amount of the medication and still not have coded.

I had a couple of hard days after that, but finally I just came to the conclusion that life is like that. Every day I do things that can impact someone in a major way. Have you ever changed the radio station or the CD in your car while driving--what if in that moment of distraction you kill someone? We have moments like this daily, maybe even hourly, but somehow most of us get through unscathed.

You can quit nursing; but will you ever have a job or a life where you don't have the potential for a negative interaction? If you work at a fast food restaurant, you could still give someone a food they are allergic to and kill them. Anyone who drives for a living can kill someone. We live and interact with others, there is no getting around it.

I hope you can come to peace with your error, and that you never make that mistake again. I believe I am a better nurse for having made that mistake; I'll bet that if you stick with it, you will be, too.

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He noticed that the port on the patient's CENTRAL LINE was off.

Sorry, even though I have been working with central lines and ports for years, I have no idea what the above sentence means.....could you be more specific?Do you mean that the huber needle came out? that the tubing became unattached from the huber? that the cap came off and the end of the tubing was open?

No matter, you just really have to let this go....really. Any damage done would havecome to light by now. This will never happen to you again, and you will pass this lesson on to so many other nurses you come into contact with in the coming years. This is the gift you will pass on to others, and many other gifts you will learn over the years - the near-misses which we all experience that make us compassionate, forgiving nurses and human beings.

You are going to be fine.....I only worry about the nurses who do not worry about these sorts of errors - they scare the daylights out of me :)

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