Most RN's first borns?

[lvs2nrs3535]

Hi everybody,

I have a question and PLEASE dont anybody blast me for typecasting, this was not MY statement, it was a LCSW I was friends with. She claims that a huge % of nurses are first born females of alcoholic fathers. Something to do with the fact that as the first born in dysfunction family of origin you are a caregiver from the get-go. Now my father was not an alcoholic, but I am a first born. I was wondering how many of us are first-borns. (Also, she said this to me a long time ago, and I have lost touch with her, so I cannot ask her where the heck she got her information was) I was just starting school at the time and didnt really fight with her about it, just kind of gave her one of the Hmmm, thats an interesting opinion.... answers. Also, she meant it as a compliment, that we take a difficult beginning and build on our strengths and turn them into a career.

So, how many first borns are out there?

KristyBRN

[Mission]

I'm the youngest of three. My oldest brother died before I was born so my parents were very overprotective and coddling of my other brother and I. We definately were never caretakers, in fact, my mom still does my laundry. I have some caretaker tendencies that I believe are cultural (I'm Latina), but not the result of birth order/family dysfunction. There is some dysfunction/alcholoism in my extended family but most of my relatives are either computer programmers or detectives.

[marye302]

yep, fisrt born, dad is a workaholic... no alcohol

[FLAgal14]

I'm the baby of the family, I have 2 sisters and a brother, but I am the only one from my father (so technically I'm his first born I guess),and my parents don't drink, but a few of my relatives have drinking problems. I do come a pretty dysfunctional family though.

[austin heart, BSN, RN]

Only child and neither parent drinks.

[loricatus]

First born of 4, dysfunction family-yes, foodaholic parent but no alcohol

[banditrn]

Yea, I have finally come to the conclusion they are sick and were making me sick, in the process. I was depressed and always fearful of the next nasty email or phone call from home, criticizing me for some stupid thing or another. My mother has become a bitter, mean, (young) old woman at just 60. Somebody I want to spend ZERO time with anymore.

So after her last cruel phone conversation with me, I cut her off. That was 2 years ago. And I feel soooooo sooo much better.

She was sucking the joy out of my life and marriage. Since leaving them behind (my parents), my dh and my marriage is better, more peaceful and joyful. Like you said, he is my family really, and has been for over 18 years. I am lucky and finally get that enjoying life is what I was put on earth to do!

I am not alcoholic, nor is my dh, thankfully, and I HOPE the relationship with my kids turns out much better than the one w/my parents and me. It's hard, cause both want to know why we never see gramma and grampa on that side. The teen understands, but the little one, not.

The holidays are better, too. I don't go home, don't call, dont' have to hear my parent's sharp words or often-drunkeness during the holidays. Yes, I am sad in a way----family is what it's all about. But we have two kinds of family: the one we are born with, and the one we MAKE. I choose the one I made.

AH well glad to know I have a kindred soul out there who gets it.

deb

Aw, bless you, sweetie - sorry you had to go thru all that! I had to do that with my mother for awhile when my kids were young - I just didn't want them around it.

She finally came around - I guess my finally standing up to her after all those years was a shock to her system - and understood that if she wanted to drink, she wasn't to do it around me or my family, and she never did again.

Not all situations turn out that well, and she's gone now, but you have to do what works for you. :icon_hug:

[Chaoticdreams33, MSN, RN]

1st born, but no alcoholism

[Victoriakem]

Ooo, this is a bit creepy, as I'm first born, Dad is ETOH'r, Mom is depressed but I got into nursing as a second career. My dh is a retired Navy Officer, & a survey done informally while he was on board ship revealed that all the officers there were either first born or only children. He's an only child.

[smoo]

first born, father was alcholic. I am definately the caretaker of the family. like SBE and Lizz I don't speak with my family. Or at least my dad's family. They are all alcoholics His mom is actually quite ill right now and last I heard they just signed DNR papers on her. I kind of have mixed feelings about that. Some guilt that I should feel more than I do. I haven't spoke to them in over 14 years, since my dad died. My mom is wonderful and has since remarried a wonderful man who is a great grandpa to my kids. I have a wonderful husband who knows how I feel about drinking a lot and it is something he wouldn't ever do!! This is an interesting thread.

Smoo

[Sheri257]

The holidays are better, too. I don't go home, don't call, dont' have to hear my parent's sharp words or often-drunkeness during the holidays. Yes, I am sad in a way----family is what it's all about. But we have two kinds of family: the one we are born with, and the one we MAKE. I choose the one I made.

AH well glad to know I have a kindred soul out there who gets it.

deb

I agree. As much as I may feel bad about it this time of year, I know I'd feel worse if I was dealing with them. Holidays are a lot more enjoyable without all of the drama and nonsense.

:typing

[Sheri257]

first born, father was alcholic. I am definately the caretaker of the family. like SBE and Lizz I don't speak with my family. Or at least my dad's family. They are all alcoholics His mom is actually quite ill right now and last I heard they just signed DNR papers on her. I kind of have mixed feelings about that. Some guilt that I should feel more than I do. I haven't spoke to them in over 14 years, since my dad died.

When my mother died I didn't feel that bad, even though we hadn't hardly spoken in 15 or more years. At the funeral, people kept expecting me to feel a lot of guilt and kept saying "I know you feel bad" but ... I really didn't. I'd paid enough for all of those years being around her.

She was one of those people who could be really nice to everyone but her own immediate family. People just didn't know what she was really like. Of course, after I left many years ago, she turned on the other kids. They felt obligated to put up with it but, I just couldn't.

:typing

[lflaherty]

Reply from an "old" nurse...

I recall a study being done back when I was in nursing school (we're talking 70's here..). The results were that a vast majority of nurses were either first born or first daughters born to their family. Don't recall the source of the data, but I suspect the concept may be on the right track...

Laurie Flaherty