Manipulative charge nurse

  1. HELP! Question for you all....I have a charge nurse, who is also a friend outside of work. She had a July 4th party and invited me. I didn't go - I worked today and was tired. I told her as much, and she came to my house anyway to pick me up!!! I still didn't go so she called me on the phone and said, "if you come I will do anything for you, if you don't I can make things difficult for you". What the ## does this mean?? I'm perplexed and concerned. Any advice out there would be much appreciated.....
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    About WinkRN

    Joined: Jun '03; Posts: 15


  3. by   Audreyfay
    Why does she want you to come? Did she say? If someone really wants me to come to something, I will make the minimum appearance, make my excuses, and leave. Actually, when I think about it, I've done that a few times. But, I don't like how she threatened you. That doesn't sound much like a friend to me.
  4. by   WinkRN
    I was the only person from work she invited - so it wasn't to make an appearance for work.... I am starting to think that she really isn't too much of a friend.... : (
  5. by   P_RN
    Would a "friend" promise to make things difficult for you . Sometimes nasty business comes from trying to mix work and leisure time.
  6. by   plumrn
    This is one reason I try to steer clear from having too many "friends" at work. There are VERY few of my co-workers that I really consider good friends. The rest, I am 'just a friendly co-worker'. Avoids a lot of those type problems.

    Surely she was just kidding! Did she not say why she was so adament that you go to her party?
  7. by   SmilingBluEyes
    umm not my definition of friend, even in the LOOSEST OF TERMS. Lose her.
  8. by   jemb
    Originally posted by WinkRN
    , ...she called me on the phone and said, "if you come I will do anything for you, if you don't I can make things difficult for you". What the ## does this mean??
    Ask her! Something like "You know, you had me getting nervous when you said you could make things difficult for me if I didn't come to your party. But then I know you are much too professional to be vindictive at work. So what did you mean???"

    Maybe she wanted you to meet someone else that was there, or maybe she needed moral support because she was uncomfortable about something connected to the party. Even so, threats of any kind are bad. Would have been much better for her just to tell you why she wanted you there so badly.
  9. by   gwenith
    It is always a mistake to consider your boss a friend. I was told that by a wise and wonderful friend when we were both going through some very difficult times being bullied by a woman who would be melt in your mouth nice one minute and driving daggers in your back the next.
  10. by   passing thru
    She did say she would ''DO ANYTHING FOR YOU.''

    Focus on the positive. How many people in life tell you
    ""I'll do ANYTHING for you."" ???

    Sounds to me like she REALLY wanted you there. Maybe
    she had a surprise for you.

    Anyone tell me that, I'd go.
    Why make a big deal of it??

    Your excuse, ''I'm too tired." sounds like the old.....
    ""I gotta wash my hair"" to avoid a date offer on Saturday night.

    Doesn't sound like you are a friend either.

    It doesn't sound like a threat to me....sounds like when someone says, in jest, "You owe me one. "

    If you were '''too tired''' to attend your friends' party,
    maybe it is time you both cancelled the friendship.

    Her being your charge nurse affects you more than her,
    from your post.
    Manipulative charge nurse,
    is how you characterize it.
    Not, manipulative FRIEND.
    You see her as your superior first, as your friend secondly.
    It may be a lop-sided friendship from your perspective.

    Most friends are more responsive to each others needs.
    She must have called at least twice and even came over to
    get you. She sounds like the kind of friend I'd appreciate.

    The work relationship should have been left out of the

    I know several nurses who worked yesterday and then drove a 100 miles to spend the evening with friends and family. I'm sure they were pooped, and NO ONE came to pick them up or begged
    them to show up.

    Face it, you did not want to go. Fatigue had nothin to do with it.
    Last edit by passing thru on Jul 5, '03
  11. by   carcha
    i totally agree with gwynith, mixing business with pleasure rarely work. why dont u sit down with her next time u work together and explain u feel disappointed that shes abused her professional position to further a personal need. i would also explain that i would prefer that both of u maintain a professional relationship until this situation resolves itself for both of u. personally she acted appallingly and there certaintly is an element of bullying in her threat, and it was a threat, be careful.
  12. by   rebel_red
    Personally, coming to your home after you have told her you are not going, shows a marked lack of respect, and no sense of personal boundries.

    And who really gives a frell if you weren't fatigued as passing thru suggests. (Interesting perspective btw PT... tad nasty in tone though) Just the fact that you said "No" should be respected. And that cheesy little comment.....dang.

    Let us know how it turns out. Others have given you far more valuable advice than I could.

    Wishing the best for you in resolving this situation.
  13. by   live4today
    never mix business with pleasure, and maintain a professionally friendly demeanor at work.......leaving everything about work including the people........AT WORK when you leave your place of employment.

    Never trouble trouble until trouble troubles you!
  14. by   BadBird
    Sounds like she likes you for more than a friend, if ya know what I mean!!!!!