Im so sad. - page 3
Can someone please give me some good advice...l have been crying for two hours. Im 25 and all of my girlfriends are either married or living with a boyfriend and I just cant handle being by myself... Read More
Jan 29, '02Oh - abnstudent - I wanted to also say people mean well when they mention "stop looking and thats when yule find a mate" or "you'll find your lover when you least expect it" I've been hearing that for many years, and its just kind words.
As one who has never taken meds for depresion, i can't say whats cool or uncool about that. Think of yourself as a "pill" and take yourself for a phew weeks, if you know what I mean. Go to the movies by yourself, make a cake from scratch by yourself, talk to strangers in a safe environment by yourself, see what happens. I won't add no more in on this thread for the sake of not being rude. I don't want you to feel sad
Jan 29, '02Hello adn,
I sent you an email today with some private conversation in it "for your ears only". I do hope you are feeling better today.
My advice would be to involve yourself in some singles groups, either in your church or community, so you can meet a fresh group of single people. How about going to Aspen on a ski vacation? Or Alaska on a cruise? Or take a cruise just for single adults? Or a christian cruise if you are a Christian? Or a trip to Paris? Go to Jamaica! Cancun! Do something fun for yourself. If you are radiating fun and excitement, you will tend to draw people like yourself. Let us know what things you are going to add to your life to improve your singleness so we can be your biggest fans and cheerleaders! Everybody needs a cheering section at some point in their dreary lives!
"Change starts when someone sees the next step." -- WILLIAM DRAYTON
Jan 29, '02adnstudent,
I'm sad to hear you're sad. But you've gotten some great advice & I'm sure it will really help, just talking it out with everyone here has helped I'm sure! I've been there too. I was depressed for about 6 months, and now wish I would have gotten help for it, it would have helped me get through it easier.
It's hard to be alone, we're made to feel "weird" if we're the single one. I had 3 friends get married in 2001 all 21 and 22, and that was hard since we're all so young, but my best friend & I are both single after breakups and it helped to surround myself with others like me.
Watching my friends get married & go through boyfriends makes me realize I really wouldn't want to trade places with them, I know I was dependent on someone else for a long time, I don't want to be that way now-- Except for one friend, they haven't lived completely alone, supported themselves, gotten an education for themselves (2 dropped out of college to get married) and I know that no matter what my relationship status is, I can see what I've done for myself and be proud, and I think that kind of attitude definately appeals to others.
Not that I don't want to bang my head against the wall, or cry "just because" its hard to be lonely but its getting easier, sorry I'm rambling on...but you're definately not alone, it seems hard to find people "offline" to identify with on stuff like this--it's just easier here!! Anyway, you'll be in my thoughts and prayers...keep us posted on how things are going!
Mario--I totally understand your feelings on the cell phone--I stopped buying minutes for my phone--I just don't have a need for them anymore! I do remember chatting with my bf on my phone to his, sometimes even while on the way to meet each other---ah, puppy love
Jan 29, '02Hi-I just read your post.Gee 25 seems old to you, but soooo young to me at 58! Enjoy yourself, travel, get out and meet people,join activities at a Y, church, plays,social events. I have a friend who married at 29, my husbands mother married at 42. My own grandmother was in her late 40's and still had 2 kids.
BREATHE! There is time for marriage and time for kids. Do you have any pets,they can fill the lonliness space. LISTEN TO THE OTHERS ABOUT dEPRESSION. You have classic symptoms and medication may help. Be good to yourself and check back and let us all know how you are doing.
Jan 29, '02Dear Adn,
As you have noticed you are not alone, we are all sending you our best wishes. As many have said before me, you need to see somebody about the depression you are going through.
I know it is very tough to be in school and feeling so darn alone all the time. You probably don't even have enough energy to go out and meet people.
So on your next sleepless night make a short list of things you would like to accomplish. Keep it short so it doesn't get to be so overwhelming that you can't do anything. Start with really small things and cross it of you list as you have done it. Believe me it will feel really good to have that accomplishment behind you. When you start feeling better about yourself you will be much more atractive to other people.
In order to feel good about yourself, you are going to have to make the big step and get professional help. A lot of depressions are due to chemical imbalances and there are short term therapies available. It doesn't mean you are going to be on antidepressants the rest of your life. You wouldn't ask your body to fight an infection without giving it the help of a course of antibiotics, so why do you expect your brain to do it all alone?
Is there such a thing as a counceling service at your school? Believe me these people see these things all the time and will be able to refer you to the best people.
Remember we love you and I am sure there is always a nurse on line on this web site to reach out to (we are always awake).
Take care of yourself,
Jan 30, '02Dear adnstudent,
I wish I could give you a big hug right now! I felt the same way you did about 5 years ago. I was the perpetual bridesmaid as I watched my best friend, cousin, cousin and sister get married in the course of less than 3 years. I dated a few guys in that time period but nothing serious. Well, there was this ONE guy and I thought for sure that he was the ONE as I wasn't out "looking" for a man. But after a month I think that he got scared of getting serious with a woman so we broke up. I was devastated. Cried for days. I wondered what was so terribly wrong with me that I couldn't find and keep a decent man. Then in 1998, I met my now husband at a bar one night! I wasn't looking to hook up with anybody, I was just out with my girlfriend and her fiance listening to a local country western band. I was sitting at the bar and this guy starts talking to me and I gave him my phone number--primarily to get him to leave me alone. Next day he called, we went out a week later and were engaged a month and a half after that. We got married in 1999 and will celebrate our 3rd Anniversary in May.
I am a firm believer that you will find love when you aren't looking for it cause that is exactly what happened to me. All of the other times, I think that maybe I pushed a little too hard. Well, good luck to you. Take the other person's advice. Take a class, join a club, get out there. There are ton's of things to do! Enjoy!
Jan 30, '02I am so glad you have gotten the responses you have here. Most of these people really seem to understand.
I do hope you ask for help with the sadness and anxiety. I too would cry myself to sleep but refused to think that I could suffer from depression. That depression was bad enough that my physical health failed and I started having fainting spells and ended up with severe pneumonia. Due to that, I get bronchitis almost every winter since. Then around age 24 I got myself into a bad situation because of my fear of being lonely. When I got out of that (thankfully not a marriage) I really hit bottom with depression. Thankfully my parents and pastor recognized the symptoms and got me into outpatient therapy. I never was on medication (still stubborn I guess) but the almost daily therapy sessions did start me on the right track again. Thank God for such a great hospital to work for as they dealt with my call-ins those first couple of weeks. I ended up going to therapy for almost 8 months before I really felt like I wouldn't slip back down.
During my early 20's I dated a little but mostly losers or emotionally harmful to me. After the therapy I decided that I would probably always be single and I decided to make my own happiness. I started travelling, took a couple classes, lost weight and exercised. I did join a singles group and made a couple of friends. I worked hard and got promoted at work. I gained pride and self respect.
Then, totally surprising to me, I met my husband just before I turned 30. We got married 2 years after we met. First marriage for both of us. We've been happily married now for 5 months. (Now you know how old I am!!!!)
Please take care of yourself. Try to humor those that tell you "you'll find that person when you least expect it", or "there's someone for everyone". (I was ready to deck the next person that told me that!!!!!! ) And good luck at school!!!
Jan 31, '02I have not seen a doc yet, tomorrow at 1:45, because I took last night and tonight off work. Yesterday, was for peace of mind and to try to work things out in my head and today I went to a Landmark intro. For those of you who haven't heard of it, it is a weekend course (45 hours) that helps you better understand who you are, why you do the things and do and react the way you do, how you can change things in your life you are unhappy with...and lots more. I have heard amazing things about this course and personally know two people who I am very close with that claim this course is better than any college course they have ever taken and how literally one weekend changed their lives. Sounds hard to believe but they are very close to me so I do trust them. I will be doing the course Feb 15,16,17, and 19. I'll keep you posted...has anyone heard good things about this course as well. It is a huge company that does not advertise but is international and serves to over 100,000 people a year just by word of mouth. As for tomorrow's appt., I will let you know what comes out of it. Thank you all for your support. I feel as if I'm on the way to happiness just from reading the postings I have received and with tonight's class. Talk to you soon!
Jan 31, '02Ah, the memories come rolling back. I to (as I am sure is true of many of us) sang "Good-by to Love" solo for a long time. i met my husband at 25, married him at 26 and have been married almost 20 years. During those alone years I learned one really important lesson that I just want to pass on:[
It's difficult to be happy married if you can't be happy single
People will always disappoint us or leave us, not intentionally, not maliciously, it is just the way people are.
I strongly encourage you to find interests outside work and school, they define what you do not who you are. I was real involved in my churches singles group, and had one really good girlfriend who was also single. We saw a lot of movies, worked out at the gym, and joined an interdenominational chior (where i met my husband).
You've gotten some great advice from these folks, hope you can apply some of them to your situation. Here's another cyber-hug from someone who has also been there, done that.
Jan 31, '02Good news, i'm glad you are going for help and I also are taking a Landmark course. The seats were so uncomfortable! The message is one you have heard before, but you do let go of things and see life in a new way-some swear by it and get really involved.One lady who I knew slightly, had lost her husband and was depressed and went to a Forum, and started dating again. It is not for everyone, and personally I found Cursillo which is Christian oriented, a better fit for me. Just stay open to any messages that come through and you'll do fine. keep us posted.
Jan 31, '02Dear adnstudent, I am so glad to hear that you have a doctors appt. and are trying something new. That took a lot of courage to come forth and mention your troubles as well as take some of our thoughts and move them forward into actions. I hope your weekend is a positive experience. Keep posting so I can keep up with you. You are in my prayers.
Jan 31, '02ok... well... my little story....
I was hanging out with a dude for a LONG time... (2 years or so) we were close for a while, and when i thought that perhaps all was well, it all went down the tubes...
so.... for another stretch of time.... considerably less than 2 years... I was bummed... very bummed... AKA-- I was depressed... badly...
so... whaddid I do? I saw the shrink at work... she declared me nuts... but, we're friends and she knows I've never been quite right... and she told me to get out of the house more often(actually, I think she said 'if you stay cooped up in your house, you'll never meet anyone... so, go out someplace where you're comfortable...)... Then, I started going to a new religous group, as I've always practiced alone....(seriously... I had a change in religion.... talked to the goddess... found myself)
AND... in the process of doing that, I went to a circle around christmas... just talked to this dude, some small talk... nothing fancy.... turns out that we went to almost all the same events... tele numbers passed, and now we're going out... I wasnt looking... it kinda just crept up on me... Thats the best way to find it...
It will get better.... BUT... if you happen to hit the bottom of the barrell, look for a hole, and dig a tunnel out... tis easier than climbing....