I sorry to say that I am not myself right now

  1. Hello everyone. I sorry to say that I am not myself right now. I am very depressed! I missed 24 hours of clinical @ phlebotomy, I don't have a job, don't have any money, and can't find a job, and slowly i am losing self esteem. I just dont know what to do, i feel like i havent made a good decission for myself in months! I don't know how i will make it through this depression, but im gonna try, im sure God can help me. I feel like i am no longer capable of making decissions for myself, i just keep choosing the wrong thing. I'm sorry for making this so long, but i feel better when i can share with others. OK here it goes, I got hired @ a really good nursing home (genesis elder care) but i missed my second day of orientation because i was running a half hour late, so i was to embarassed to go, then i found another job, but couldnt stand it and left in like a month or two next i start the phlebotomy class i dreamed of, turns out it was not what i thought, i miss 24 clincal hours and probaly ruined my relationship with my clinical site, by the way i dont like the class. what im trying to figure out is if the whole situation with phlebotomy is in my head since im already upset. i really thought i would like it. i messed up in the clinical part but i have straight A's in the class, and 3 weeks left. i dont know what to do, i dont know if i wannna finish the class or what. im just really stressed! thanks for letting me whine. your comments are always welcome and please pray for me
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    About ava'smomRN

    Joined: Jan '03; Posts: 736; Likes: 99
    Registered Nurse
    Specialty: PACU


  3. by   purplemania
    write down what it is you like about each of those situations and what you dislike. See if there are any similarities. Try not to repeat situations where the dislikes will occur often OR find out how to control them OR learn to accept them. Nothing of value if every easy, so don't expect that. If you are good in class you are smart enough to figure this out. Does your school have a counselor?
  4. by   fourbirds4me
    I would try to finish it..... It seems like right now your life is full of "half finished". Get this under your belt even if it's not what you want to do. In the long run it will help you repair your relationship with your clinical site and you will fill better about yourself because you have achieved an accomplishment.
  5. by   katscan
    It sounds to me as though you have never given any of the situations a good chance. Why did you give up on the" good nursing home job"just because you were runing a half hour late. you could have explained and probably they would have understood. If it was due to sleeping in, or some other self imposed reason, you could have apologized and promised that it wouldn't happen again. You were only at your other job a month-that's hardly a time to get to know colleagues and the job. Now, you don't like the phlebotomy class and you missed 24 hours of clinical-why? Kim, I don't mean to be hard on you, but you have to stick to something and show up on time etc. It sounds like you are sabotaging yourself at every turn. Working in the real world is tough! Every day, every week , year after year. Some days off of course, but it is an onging thing. How can you say that you are choosing the wrong thing when you never give anything a chance -a real chance? Then, you are in a spiral downward-no job begets no money, that begets depression, that begets irresponsible behavior as related to the jobs, and this begets more depression. I would FINISH THAT CLASS!!! At least have a marketable skill. Make the decision to stick something out to it's completion and you will get a shot of good self esteem.Make it a choice to do what you have to do to get a job and keep it. That's maturity. If you work on it, little by little you will gain your self esteem back .Do everything you can to be the beest at whatever job you get. Play by the rules and cooperate-no excuses. Your self esteem will come back, I guarantee you. Good luck . You can do it!
  6. by   LauraF, RN
    I have felt the way you feel right now. It means you need to sit down and focus on what you REALLY want to do. Judging by your avatar your still pretty young. You need to decide "what you want to be when you grow up". If you want to be a nurse then starting as a CNA is a good idea. But you must be responsible. There will always be jobs that "create a vaccuum". You just hang in there until you find something better. Talk to your instructor (if you want to continue in that course) and see if there is a way you can get back on track. If necessary see if you can take a "W" or "I" for now and complete it next semester. Also re-evaluate your friendships. Are you hanging around people who are irresponsible and are bringing you down? Just a thought. I had a period when I was in my late teens and early twenties that I made some bad decision but they influenced by me wanting to spend time with "the wrong crowd". You can get back on track.
  7. by   canoehead
    If you are late it shows character to suck it up and walk in and make the apology, no matter how embarrassing or hard t might be. It shows you accept the consequences for your actions, not that you are a bad person. Try it and see what the response is.

    And if you are having trouble with a course the same goes. Go to the instructor and say " I need help with..." most people will understand and come up with suggestions for you to help yourself and then cut you a break while you catch up. Have some more faith in the people you work with.
  8. by   PennyLane
    I think we've all felt that way from time-to-time. Hey--I'm working in a field I've been in for the last 4 years that I hate! I don't really want to come to work every day, but I do. I finally figured out what I want to do (go back to school for nursing), but in the meantime, I just have to put up with my situation for a while.

    I used to work at a restaurant several years ago and I HATED going to work. I would complain and complain. One day my boyfriend told me, "You know Mel, sometimes we have to do things even if we don't feel like it." It's such a simple statement, but it really made me think. After that, I still didn't like going into work, but I didn't dread it as much.

    I'm not saying that you should stick with phlebotomy even if you don't want to. But you may have to take a job that you're not happy with for a while until you figure out what you really want to do with your life. If you only have 3 weeks of the class left, I say go ahead and finish it. Take a phleb job when you get out (or something different if you find something), and just try and make it work for a while. Or just keep the job while you do some soul-searching about what you really want to do. But you can't just not show up somewhere because you're not sure. You made a committment, and you should keep it.

    Deciding on a career isn't easy. That's why there are so many second-career nurses and nursing students on this site. Don't worry, in time it will be easier. You don't have to have everything figured out by this point in your life!! ((hugs))
  9. by   Disablednurse
    I am sorry you are having so much trouble. I was fortunate that I knew what I wanted from the get go. You need to see if they will let you make up the 24 hours of clinical that you missed and finish this course so that you will have a way to earn some money so that you can get your bills paid and make a living for yourself. Then you need to sit down and think about what you really want to do with your life. If you do not like the phlebotomy job, at least you will have something to fall back on while you go to school or what ever to get the training for what you really want to do. It is hard in these days and times to make it and go to school, but you need to stick to something until it is completed. It will not look good on a resume where you have started something and quit before you finished it. How old are you and what are your responsibilities? Do you have someone to help out while you are trying to determine what you want to do with your life? Sit down and list all the things that you like about your present situation and what you want to change and then that may help you decide what you want to do or what you need to do. Will be having you in my thoughts and prayers.
  10. by   mario_ragucci
    Originally posted by Miss JKm
    im sure God can help me.
    Don't worry about it. Some times you get a lucky streak and you love it, but there are gonna be times when you get slammed anyway. If you think you might have bit off more than you can chew, then step back and have a holiday, like Madonna says :-)

    Roll with this, and admitt to messing up. Do you want to keep messing up in school? I don't know who's time you think your wasting. Take care of your time and efforts are protected.
  11. by   Mkue
    Prayers for you Miss JKm:kiss
  12. by   TinyNurse
    IMHO, as a new grad RN, you gotta finish something.
    This has been a hellish 3 years for me but I knew I had to do it as a single mother on welfare.
    just keep your mouth shut and suck it up, is what i did throughout nursing school, and here I am about to graduate and enter the real nursing world.
    attempt to look back on other stressful situations you had and how you delt with them positively....
    look towards the future and how these jobs will prove a benefit to you.
    recognize the already stressors in your life and deal with them before you begin your new job.
    I wish you the best of luck. I'm just a new grad RN, but I wish you the best and I KNOW you can do it!!
    Jen, RN June, 13, 2003
  13. by   funnygirl_rn
    Hope all works out for you. Take one day at a time.
  14. by   Agnus
    ((((hug)))))) Go back to genesis (did I say that right?) and explain what happened and your embarresment. Express your regrets to them. They just might take you back.

    You could also talk to your phlebotomy instructor and see what you can do to make up the lost hours.

    Learning a new skill is very tough. If your dislike is that you find the actual doing is very challenging then I suggest you do what you can to get the clinical practice even if it means repeating the class. You simply do not have the skill yet. That can ONLY be gained with a lot of practice. Even when you finish the class you will not be as good as someone who has been doing this for some time.

    Be Patient with yourself. Think of the things you do well. Even something as simple as say reading a story well to a child. There are a lot of things you are already good at. Make a list, no matter how dumb it may sound. Then think about how much it took to learn the skills you do well.
    The best way to overcome fear is to face it and do it anyway. There is nothing like the surge of confidence you get from doing something you are afraid of (like going back to genesis and explaining what happened and asking to come back, for one example) You might not get the job back but you will have taken one step in moving out of your comfort zone and that is key to growth.
    If we only do those things we do well if we only stay inside our comfort zone we never learn anything new and never get the chance to discover something that we may untimately love.