I made her cry

JonRN · Nov 6, 2002

In a busy area like yours, everyone has to give 110% for it to work. You gave your 110% and she gave maybe 75%. Tears? So what? Like the old saying, "put out or get out". I detest people who don't pull their fair share of the load, and then try to make you feel guilty about calling them on it.

Pappy

micro, RN · Nov 6, 2002

all i can say is ditto to all that people have said above.......

rather the tears were "real" or not.....

it is still work and she was still wrong......

period.

micro

tattooednursie, LVN · Nov 6, 2002

I'll tell ya, I never EVER take more than a half hour for my lunch, sometimes I don't even get a lunch due to other staff membersreturing late for theirs, and I have too much work to do before I leave. I don't usualy smoke ( I did on a rare occasions, like when I am super stressed, but I stopped doing that) so I don't usualy think to take breaks, time always slips away from me so much that a break to me is just a short trip to the bathroom, if any break at all.

alot of times I get crabby if I have enough time for my lunch break, for the time being, and my hall partner never came back until it was time for my break to be over. If they came 15 minutes late, then I would only take 15 minutes, because I stil have alot of work to get done before my shift ends. Sometimes the stress of that makes ME cry. But thats a guilt trip for the ones who come back late :)

Don't wory hun, "this too shall pass". Maybe she'll know better next time.

ptnurse · Nov 6, 2002

Did you get manipulated--yes you did.

Tweety, BSN, RN · Nov 6, 2002

Tell her next time you would appreciate it if she at least let you know her break may take longer, but even at that she needs to be available after 30 minutes.

I'm amazed you actually get to take 30 minutes! LOL

Some people are teary, it may not have been deliberate manipulation. Many teary people get real upset with themselves when they get teary and that makes them cry all the more.

But it could always be a subconscious learned response. Nothing ends a discussion quicker for me than tears.

Crying while discussion her bad behavior was not approriate and yes you were manipulated. Whether she said "I'll manipulate her by crying" may not have occurred. Yikes that sounds like pyschobabble. Next time just slap her and yell "I'll give you something to cry about!" (Now I sound like my nearly abusive mother).

ohbet · Nov 6, 2002

Wow,thanks for those supportive replies. God I love this site!

TracyB,RN, RN · Nov 7, 2002

I just want to know what the work related issue was. . . hmmmm.

I have to say, I have shed a few tears, not to ever try to manipulate, but I cry from frustration. . . you know the kind when you are soooooooo ticked off, & you REALLY want to scream & yell & maybe even throw something, but are biting the insides of your cheeks, so you don't say something you will regret.? Tears of anger. . .but I always continue to talk or work through it.

ShortFuse_LPN, LPN · Nov 7, 2002

Originally posted by traumaRUs
Oh well. Just my opinion but people that take more than the allotted time for lunch are inconsiderate. If they choose to cry - oh well. Also, while I'm on my high horse - why do smokers get so many breaks????

I'm a nonsmoker who is lucky to get lunch.

Smokers get more breaks??? WHY DIDN'T ANYONE TELL ME??? I am a smoker who is lucky to get to the bathroom!

SmilingBluEyes · Nov 7, 2002

Fair is fair and if she chose to bring on the waterworks in being shown the error of her ways, I wonder how she will react when the stuff REALLY hits the fan...when a crisis comes up.She bears WATCHING, I would say.

OBNURSEHEATHER · Nov 7, 2002

Just curious... did she ever say what the "work related" thing she was doing was?

All of the "work related" things I have to do are, you guessed it, RIGHT THERE!

We have an aide that is always disappearing, and when she returns and is questioned, she claims she was in human resources, clearing up one thing or another. One time I said to her, "you're going to have to find a better time to do these things than when all of your patients are calling out for something." And she says "but I'm not doing that on MY time."

I replied that it seemed funny that a 30 year employee of the hospital was still having to get things "ironed out" in HR!

:rolleyes:

Heather

Q. · Nov 7, 2002

Originally posted by 3rdShiftGuy
Some people are teary, it may not have been deliberate manipulation. Many teary people get real upset with themselves when they get teary and that makes them cry all the more.

Actually, that is me. Three times in my work situation and my entire working history I have cried, in a closed office with only a manager present, or in the confines of a small area with a few trusted co-workers. It's usually when I am so upset and angry that the tears come, and yes, it angers me further and so I cry more. It looks so baffling, I'm sure, crying against your will and angrily wiping tears away. It's certainly not sobbing, just...tears falling. I hate it.

But yes, it can be manipulating and as someone who can't control it, it's not always meant to be manipulative. Rather than getting flushed in the cheeks, I cry. But usually I have to be pretty damn upset. I don't think calling me on where I was for an hour would do it.

Tears or not, you had a right to question where she was for an hour. I don't think you overstepped your bounds.

shygirl · Nov 7, 2002

You were being manipulated. Ask her to tell you next time you work together that if she is going for lunch and is going to be doing "work related things" to tell you first.

Shygirl