ptnurse

A man comes into the ER and yells, "My wife's going to have her baby in the cab!" I grabbed my stuff, rushed out to the cab, lifted the lady's dress, and began to take off her underwear. Suddenly I noticed that there were several cabs - and I was in the wrong one. Dr. Mark MacDonald, San Antonio, TX At the beginning of my shift I placed a stethoscope on an elderly and slightly deaf female patient's anterior chest wall. "Big breaths," I instructed. "Yes, they used to be," remorsed the patient. Dr. Richard Byrnes, Seattle, WA One day I had to be the bearer of bad news when I told a wife that her husband had died of a massive myocardial infarct. Not more than five minutes later, I heard her reporting to the rest of the family that he had died of a "massive internal fart." Dr. Susan Steinberg, Manitoba, Canada I was performing a complete physical, including the visual acuity test. I placed the patient twenty feet from the chart and began, "Cover your right eye with your hand." He read the 20/20 line perfectly. "Now your left." Again, a flawless read. "Now both," I requested. There was silence. He couldn't even read the large E on the top line. I turned and discovered that he had done exactly what I had asked; he was standing there with both his eyes covered. I was laughing too hard to finish the exam. Dr. Matthew Theodropolous, Worcester, MA During a patient's two week follow-up appointment with his cardiologist, he informed me, his doctor, that he was having trouble with one of his medications. "Which one?" I asked. "The patch. The nurse told me to put on a new one every six hours and now I'm running out of places to put it!" I had him quickly undress and discovered what I hoped wouldn't see . . . Yes, the man had over fifty patches on his body! Now, the instructions include removal of the old patch before applying a new one. Dr. Rebecca St. Clair, Norfolk, VA While acquainting myself with a new elderly patient, I asked, "How long have you been bedridden?" After a look of complete confusion she answered... "Why, not for about twenty years - when my husband was alive." Dr. Steven Swanson, Corvallis, OR I was caring for a woman from Kentucky and asked, "So how's your breakfast this morning?" "It's very good, except for the Kentucky Jelly. I can't seem to get used to the taste" the patient replied. When asked to see the jelly and the woman produced a foil packet labeled "KY Jelly." Dr. Leonard Kransdorf, Detroit, MI A nurse was on duty in the Emergency Room, when a young woman with purple hair styled into a punk rocker Mohawk, sporting a variety of tattoos, and wearing strange clothing, entered. It was quickly determined that the patient had acute appendicitis, so she was scheduled for immediate surgery. When she was completely disrobed on the operating table, the staff noticed that her pubic hair had been dyed green, and above it there was a tattoo that read, "Keep off the grass." Once the surgery was completed, the surgeon wrote a short note on the patient's dressing, which said, "Sorry, had to mow the lawn." and finally... A new, young MD doing his residency in OB was quite embarrassed performing female pelvic exams. To cover his embarrassment he had unconsciously formed a habit of whistling softly. The middle-aged lady upon whom he was performing this exam suddenly burst out laughing and further embarrassed him. He looked up from his work and sheepishly said, "I'm sorry. Was I tickling you?" She replied, "No doctor, but the song you were whistling was, "I wish I was an Oscar Meyer Wiener". Dr. wouldn't admit his name

I stood in line for 3 hours and 20 minutes to get a shot about 3 weeks ago. Now a public health nurse I go to church with says that they got a new shipment of 2000 doses. Now you can just walk in and get a shot if you meet the criteria.

When I took the class while employed with the hospital, I got paid for taking the class. The last time I recertified, I was working per diem and did not get paid. But I was able to get my materials for the class at the employee price.

I keep my ACLS up to date voluntarily where I work, but I have applied to hospitals where I was told that it was required w/i six months of employment if you did not have it. This was for med surg and step down ICU positions.

That is just too scary for words.

A nursing unit is like a small town with lots of relationships of varing degrees. I usually contribute when I have a personal connection with the individual that is getting married, moving on etc. And I don't contribute when I didn't really know or have a relationship with the individual. I always reserve my right to skip a contribution. It can be very expensive.

I always thought they were the same too.

Well put Alltomga. All very good points. The only thing I would add for you Cheerfuldoer is patience. I know you are just getting back into nursing, and I know how it is to be out for awhile. You have to give yourself time to get back into the groove. You will find your shortcuts with a little time. Hang in there. I always chart as I go and I try to be selective in my charting. I leave out of my charting any interaction with a patient that does not have a significant impact on the overall care of the patient. Good luck and hang in there.

My present primary care doctor is a former nurse. She started out wanting to be a doctor, but her parents refused to pay for medical school. Told her they would only pay for nursing school. So she went to nursing school and then on to medical school after a few years of experience. She is a great doctor and a valued friend.

The first nurse manager I ever worked for would tell you in your interview that if she ever heard you say "that isn't my patient" she would write you up.

We have no real written policy on this. I make it my own policy to get an order from the M.D. prior to transport. It makes me very nervous to let one of my telemetry patients leave the floor without me. Especially if they are trached.

I have never even thought about this stuff. I watch medical shows all the time and have never paid any attention to any of the brand name instruments. I hope the companies aren't hoping to make a lot of money off of me buying this stuff--cause I'm clueless.

Here is the way the greeting is suppose to go where I worked. "It's a great day in (name of unit). This is (your name). How may I serve you?" Guess how many time it has actually been said? You guessed it--zero. We take care of some verrrry sick folks. There is just no justification for a "you just called disneyworld" greeting. One of the unit secretaries actually laughed out loud at the Director of Nursing when she mandated the greeting.

The only time I usually get sworn at is from a patient in DT's or coming off a drug OD. I usually go with the smother them with kindness routine. I do my job (very well I might add), know I am going home in a few hours and don't let my self esteem get involved based on the opinion of a particular patient that has too many problems to count. From time to time we have taken care of patients that had to be rotated among the staff. Nobody got stuck with the difficult patient more than one shift at a time. I know that it is annoying, I work at a county hospital too.

I work in an inner city facility. We are a teaching hospital as well as housing the only trauma center and burn center in the city. Our patients are overwhelmingly poor and/or elderly. Except for some patients that come in related to trauma or burn. Never really thought too much about the cultural makeup of the patients. If you have a job that provides insurance and are at my facility it is usually trauma or burn related. Have noticed an increase in the last couple of years of Hispanic patients. Overwhelming my hispanic patients have been almost completely unable to speak English. Have thought about taking a spanish class, but have not done it yet. I just get sooo scared at the idea of being somewhere in Mexico, being hurt and not being able to speak the language well enough to get some help. I really need to do something about taking a spanish class. The nursing staff is probably 3:1 black to white. We have several nurses right now from the Phillipines.