I can't stop crying... need encouragement...

GLORIAmunchkin72 · Nov 24, 2005

Not even steel robots can endure the rigorous regimen this old folks go through on a daily basis and everything has to be done "by the book" or else. The regulations are in place to protect these people and I shiver to think what would happen without them. But some regs. just tie your hands and don't really serve the elderly. For once I would like "State" to "cite" for failing to smile at or hold somebody's hand. More than medicines and rules these people crave company and affection, having lost everything else. But everybody is going at fast speed because, for example, all the residents have to be in the dining room by 5:00o'clock PM or we get fined. We could have a resident in the Bathroom close to that time. Maybe that resident could hardly move, but all we can think about is to hurry so we can make the deadline. That is just one tiny example. I can multiply that by 100 or more.

44 years ago I worked as a nurses aide. (That was before there was a certification program) At that time I loved it. I typed the monthly newspaper when I was told to by the RN, I even contributed to articles myself by posting a section that targeted 4 residents. Its title was' "Life Begins at 80." I also held a monthly meeting for a club I created for the men titled. "The Crackerbarrel Club." On top of all of that, I took care of my residents. That was way back when we used an autoclave to sterilize bedpans, etc. During my downtime, I wrote letters to family members of the residents. I loved every minute of it, and I loved those residents, and I made them smile.
Fast forward to 1996. I was in nursing school. I cared for residents again in an LTC facility. Their smiles were gone. As I glanced at a resident in the TV room as I walked by, there she sat in her wheelchair, looking toward the TV, but she wasn't watching it. Her mind was on the past when she could do things for herself.
The people with dementia and alzheimers are criticized and laughed at many times. The only thing they want is to go home to the past. How very sad that they no longer are able to.
I am currently wearing some of their shoes for I am now disabled and need help getting through my day. Thankfully, I am supported by an LTC agency that pays people to do that for me. The first time I was threatened with being placed in an LTC facility was back in 2001, when I had Steroid Induced Myopathy. The two nurses in my room were discussing my condition, and wondered if they should recommend I be placed in a nursing home. That was when my nightmare began.
If I am forced to go into a nursing home, I will refuse to take the medications that keep me alive. That's how much I dread going into one. Why? Because everything is regulated now. Residents are given laxatives the night before their scheduled showers. A lot of times they are placed into the shower chair and hauled off into the shower where they are unable to hold back their bowels, and they have a BM on the floor anywhere between going to the shower to being in it. The CNAs hate that, and the resident is humiliated. I know that too, because I have had to have my backside wiped.
Those poor people are hauled off to do things at the convenience of the rules that are made by people who have no idea what it's like being in their shoes. Remember, they were once very active, and productive members of their communities too. This tears my heart out. I do not want to have anything to do with nursing homes. Those people are like now enslaved to the rules and time of treatment of the nursing home. How very sad.
Progress? What progress? There was a lot more nurse to resident contact back in the early 60s than there is today. Those poor people now have nothing to say for themselves; when they want to go to bed, what time they want their shower, etc. Their independence is completely gone.

P_RN, ADN, RN · Nov 25, 2005

All LTC Nurses and assistants deserve an extra hug any time I can give it.

My grandma used to say "and extra star in their crown."

bethin · Nov 25, 2005

Whether or not you should have been on the internet is a matter of company policy. Some companies allow employees to go online during their lunch hour. Many don't. But regardless, you had to unload and it was the closest thing. This forum is always there, ready to help, and you knew that. That is no crime.:)

Amen. Could we please get off the computer subject??? That wasn't the OP's problem to begin with. Her problem is that she passed stressed last week!

If any certain members came near me with a needle in hand I'd rather die first than have you stick me with it! We are supposed to be HELPING Lori through her ordeal and it seems that every other post I've read is nitpicking at her. When I first came to this sight my first impression was "these people are so nice and helping each other out." Well, somedays I wonder. Remind me not to post if I feel stressed, over worked, depressed or anything else negative. The whole point of this site is to help people and besides isn't that why we went into nursing? If you don't have anything nice to say then keep your mouth shut! :angryfire

Daytonite, please refer to one of my signatures at the bottom :)

Cute_CNA, CNA · Nov 25, 2005

Sometimes I think management (generally speaking, not always) likes to point out what people are doing "wrong," rather than solving the larger problem at hand.

In my opinion, pointing out Lori's usage of the computer is just a way to go around the larger problem which she is facing. Pointing out the computer usage is a diversion.

bethin · Nov 25, 2005

It's easy to criticize and pass judgement when you're not looking at the person's face. I'm sure we've all said "this is what I would do" but you don't know what you'll do until you're in that situation. You may react differently than you claimed you would.

Daytonite, BSN, RN · Nov 25, 2005

My points of view are based on my experience in supervision, management and ownership of a business. As such, I tend to assess an entire situation first and prioritize the problems I see. I see a big problem here that most of you do not. This is what I do for a living and I am quite good at it. I'm sorry you don't see it as well. Perhaps if your money were going towards the payment of someone's paycheck your vision would clear up considerably. With that I withdraw from this discussion.

LoriAlabamaRN · Nov 25, 2005

My Dad's in a nursing home too far away for me to visit regularly. I thank God every day for dedicated, caring staff like yourself who slog through the mountains of work each day and do such a great job with so little thanks!
May you, your residents and your staff have a wonderful, peaceful Thanksgiving, Lori! :icon_hug:

Thank you... that means a lot to me. I do consider my residents my family. In fact, I'm working a full shift tonight even though as a salaried manager I am given the night off on holidays, and not paid holiday time if I come. But I stayed up, cooked a turkey, brought it in with trimmings, just in case we have some residents who are depressed about the holiday and for the staff that work hard all year. It's been a blessed night, with many residents who were moved to tears by feeling like they were with "family." Yesterday dh and I brought flowers to the meanest, crankiest man we've ever taken care of- he was the one who fell that awful night and broke his hip. He's still in the acute care hospital. He had a stroke during the surgery that has left him mostly paralyzed. When he saw us with the flowers, he cried. The doctor came in and wanted to know if he could talk in front of us, asking this man "Are they family?" He said "They d*mn sure are." That moment will stay with me for the rest of my life. We're going back again this morning, he's been missing his Hershey kisses and hasn't had any other visitors to bring him any.

It breaks my heart to think of the "worse" nursing homes. I don't understand how anyone could mistreat someone who is someone's child, parent, grandparent, etc. No matter how many bad days come, I will stay in this line of work the rest of my life. It's where the Lord meant me to be.

Lori

LoriAlabamaRN · Nov 25, 2005

If I am forced to go into a nursing home, I will refuse to take the medications that keep me alive. That's how much I dread going into one. Why? Because everything is regulated now. Residents are given laxatives the night before their scheduled showers. A lot of times they are placed into the shower chair and hauled off into the shower where they are unable to hold back their bowels, and they have a BM on the floor anywhere between going to the shower to being in it. The CNAs hate that, and the resident is humiliated. I know that too, because I have had to have my backside wiped.
Those poor people are hauled off to do things at the convenience of the rules that are made by people who have no idea what it's like being in their shoes. Remember, they were once very active, and productive members of their communities too. This tears my heart out. I do not want to have anything to do with nursing homes. Those people are like now enslaved to the rules and time of treatment of the nursing home. How very sad.
Progress? What progress? There was a lot more nurse to resident contact back in the early 60s than there is today. Those poor people now have nothing to say for themselves; when they want to go to bed, what time they want their shower, etc. Their independence is completely gone.

Fran, I am soo sorry to hear what you are going through... all I can say is, check out different facilities before you decide you would rather die. Our residents choose when to shower, what to wear, what to eat... dignity is a VERY high priority here. When a resident can't sleep, one of the staff (me if noone else is available) will sit with them and talk with them quietly until they are able to sleep. Call lights are answered within 2 minutes or I am gonna find out why when I get the call light report. If someone wants to go to Walmart, even in the middle of the night, we take them. Ditto for any church service, any trip home. With the holiday season, we donate new gift items for them to buy at greatly reduced prices (like 50 cents or a dollar for a $30 item) and wrap them for them to give for Christmas so they feel like they are buying things for loved ones (and in fact they are!)

You are such a special person, it shines through your posts. If you get to where you can't live by yourself, I'm sure many of us on this board would fight to bring you home with us!

Lori

LoriAlabamaRN · Nov 25, 2005

Amen. Could we please get off the computer subject??? That wasn't the OP's problem to begin with. Her problem is that she passed stressed last week!
If any certain members came near me with a needle in hand I'd rather die first than have you stick me with it! We are supposed to be HELPING Lori through her ordeal and it seems that every other post I've read is nitpicking at her. When I first came to this sight my first impression was "these people are so nice and helping each other out." Well, somedays I wonder. Remind me not to post if I feel stressed, over worked, depressed or anything else negative. The whole point of this site is to help people and besides isn't that why we went into nursing? If you don't have anything nice to say then keep your mouth shut! :angryfire
Daytonite, please refer to one of my signatures at the bottom :)

I love your quote! :chuckle True, so true. And ANYTIME you are overstressed, overworked, etc remember there are TONS of wonderful people, and those are the posts I took to heart. You can also always PM me, anytime. We have to take care of eachother, right? :)

catlady, BSN, RN · Nov 25, 2005

My points of view are based on my experience in supervision, management and ownership of a business. As such, I tend to assess an entire situation first and prioritize the problems I see. I see a big problem here that most of you do not. This is what I do for a living and I am quite good at it. I'm sorry you don't see it as well. Perhaps if your money were going towards the payment of someone's paycheck your vision would clear up considerably. With that I withdraw from this discussion.

Your arrogance shines through, like a beacon of...purulence. It's attitudes like yours that makes the jobs of managers like me so difficult. Believe it or not, there are a great many of us in management who feel their role is not to keep rein on our employees, but rather to act as facilitators to make things easier for our staff and at the same time focus on quality assurance. That way we've met our responsibilities both to our company and to our staff. They are not mutually exclusive. I prefer not to beat my staff over the head, but rather, build them up so that they feel good about what they do; this also helps get them in an accepting frame of mind as I gently guide them in the direction I want them to go. If I write someone up, it's because I have no choice, due to a hard and fast company policy such as attendance. I can look at the big picture, too--this is not my first foray into management--but I recognize that each individual is part of that big picture. Just like a jigsaw puzzle. You miss one piece, your whole picture is ruined.

I doubt you're as good at what you do as you say. People that arrogant rarely are. But you and your fellow control freaks cast a long shadow. I still have to hear every day from my staff about managers from hell they've had in the past and how they're now afraid to trust me...it takes a long time to get over abuse. I want them to be healthy and happy and productive, not nervous and terrified. That's a win-win for everyone. It's insecure managers who feel they always have to be in control, and who get anal about issues that don't matter. As previous posters said, you're all lathered about the computer use, but the problems that the OP faced alone that night don't seem to take a shine off your pearls.

Withdraw from the discussion? Aren't you just special....

Cute_CNA, CNA · Nov 25, 2005

Thank you... that means a lot to me. I do consider my residents my family. In fact, I'm working a full shift tonight even though as a salaried manager I am given the night off on holidays, and not paid holiday time if I come. But I stayed up, cooked a turkey, brought it in with trimmings, just in case we have some residents who are depressed about the holiday and for the staff that work hard all year. It's been a blessed night, with many residents who were moved to tears by feeling like they were with "family." Yesterday dh and I brought flowers to the meanest, crankiest man we've ever taken care of- he was the one who fell that awful night and broke his hip. He's still in the acute care hospital. He had a stroke during the surgery that has left him mostly paralyzed. When he saw us with the flowers, he cried. The doctor came in and wanted to know if he could talk in front of us, asking this man "Are they family?" He said "They d*mn sure are." That moment will stay with me for the rest of my life. We're going back again this morning, he's been missing his Hershey kisses and hasn't had any other visitors to bring him any.
It breaks my heart to think of the "worse" nursing homes. I don't understand how anyone could mistreat someone who is someone's child, parent, grandparent, etc. No matter how many bad days come, I will stay in this line of work the rest of my life. It's where the Lord meant me to be.
Lori

That is wonderful, God bless you! :icon_hug:

This thread reminds me of a couple scriptures:

Matthew 5:3-12 3 "Blessed are the poor in spirit, For theirs is the kingdom of heaven. 4 Blessed are those who mourn, For they shall be comforted. 5 Blessed are the meek, For they shall inherit the earth. 6 Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness, For they shall be filled. 7 Blessed are the merciful, For they shall obtain mercy. 8 Blessed are the pure in heart, For they shall see God. 9 Blessed are the peacemakers, For they shall be called sons of God. 10 Blessed are those who are persecuted for righteousness' sake, For theirs is the kingdom of heaven. 11 "Blessed are you when they revile and persecute you, and say all kinds of evil against you falsely for My sake. 12 Rejoice and be exceedingly glad, for great is your reward in heaven, for so they persecuted the prophets who were before you.
1 Corinthians 13:8-13 8 Love never fails. But whether there are prophecies, they will fail; whether there are tongues, they will cease; whether there is knowledge, it will vanish away. 9 For we know in part and we prophesy in part. 10 But when that which is perfect has come, then that which is in part will be done away. 11 When I was a child, I spoke as a child, I understood as a child, I thought as a child; but when I became a man, I put away childish things. 12 For now we see in a mirror, dimly, but then face to face. Now I know in part, but then I shall know just as I also am known. 13 And now abide faith, hope, love, these three; but the greatest of these is love.

FranEMTnurse, CNA, LPN, EMT-I · Nov 25, 2005

Fran, I am soo sorry to hear what you are going through... all I can say is, check out different facilities before you decide you would rather die. Our residents choose when to shower, what to wear, what to eat... dignity is a VERY high priority here. When a resident can't sleep, one of the staff (me if noone else is available) will sit with them and talk with them quietly until they are able to sleep. Call lights are answered within 2 minutes or I am gonna find out why when I get the call light report. If someone wants to go to Walmart, even in the middle of the night, we take them. Ditto for any church service, any trip home. With the holiday season, we donate new gift items for them to buy at greatly reduced prices (like 50 cents or a dollar for a $30 item) and wrap them for them to give for Christmas so they feel like they are buying things for loved ones (and in fact they are!)
You are such a special person, it shines through your posts. If you get to where you can't live by yourself, I'm sure many of us on this board would fight to bring you home with us!
Lori

God bless you, Lori. By your posts, I can see that you do understand, and you have a huge heart for the elderly. That elderly man will never forget what you did for him either.

By the way, I was speaking about how elder care has actually degenerated in many nursing homes due to rules that people have no idea about what helpless people go through. They are just going by what works for them instead of considering what the elder person, who may have contributed to his/her community in the past and was placed in one of the above nursing homes. My friend, an LPN, works in one of them, and she can't wait until her probation perion is over so she can get some benefits. That particular nursing home was shut down in the past due to too many deaths and resident neglect. The nursing home I personally am refering to is one that is run by the county, and even though LPNs work there, they are unable to get all the work done, nor are the CNAs due to low employee help, and the county states there isn't enough money in the budget to pay for more employee help. That is why the employees are currently fighting for unionization. How very sad.

My personal care RN has found a place for me, and I will go there when I'm ready, (sure hope I don't fall much) I know that's one criteria for it. I asked her why she chose that particular one, and she said, "because you will get extra TLC there as opposed to one of the larger care facilities." I dearly love her, and she does me. It's just that I understand what those poor elderly people who had the misfortune of bering stuck in the wrong place now have to deal. I feel soo very bad for them. They don't deserve that fate. I guess you can see I love them too, just as you do.

I thank you for your kind words. They mean a lot to me.