I am sick and tired of being asked "Who is watching your kids?"

military spouse · Dec 11, 2005

I sometimes ask, but only because I'm always on the lookout for a good babysitter:lol2:

mandana · Dec 11, 2005

Why does it bother ANYONE if someone asks "who's watching your kids"?
Just curious.

It's rarely asked in a genuinely curious way. When it is, it doens't bother me at all.

In a society where mothers are constantly vilified for their choices (breast or bottle? Cosleep or not? Work or stay at home? Daycare or stay at home? Let them watch some TV, any TV will ruin them for life), one tends to get a wee bit defensive about the personal, prying questions in regards to their children. Instead of this being a genuinely curious question, it often feels like a set-up for eye-rolling at best and a full-on confrontation at worst.

It's pathetic, and while I am confident in my parenting choices, I really resent being asked to discuss them amongst anyone but my closest friends. I often even find myself defending my choices in my own family - and that really sucks.

Amanda

ShayRN · Dec 11, 2005

I sometimes ask, but only because I'm always on the lookout for a good babysitter:lol2:

Well, in that case, I ain't gonna give up the name of my good sitter, lmao. :rolleyes:

Seriously, the people I work with on a day to day basis, that doesn't bother me. It is the ones who say it like I should apoligize for my choice to work.

Marie_LPN, RN, LPN, RN · Dec 11, 2005

Why does it bother ANYONE if someone asks "who's watching your kids"?
Just curious.

This question ranks up there with asking your co-worker "When was the last time you had a BM?"

In other words, it's personal.

allnurses Guide · Dec 11, 2005

I get asked that question a lot too. I also get asked "So who watches your little girl while you sleep?" (I work nights). I'm like, DUH, I HAVE a husband!! People seem to think that husbands are incapable of watching the kids, somehow. Everyone I work with knows that I am married. They all act like I'm a single mother. Heck even if I was single, it's none of their business who is watching my kid!!!

Jerico, BSN, RN · Dec 11, 2005

I have four kids. I've worked, gone to school, had sitters: all that.

If someone should ask me "Who is watching the kiddos...." I'd probably PAUSE and say: "Why do you ask?"

I don't automatically get my panties in a twist over nothing. People are curious about all kinds of things.

And Marie, BTW: In nursing you are VERY likely to have a coworking ask you "When the last time it was you had a BM?". :imbar

Nurses say "crap" like that all the time to each other!:chuckle :rolleyes: :rotfl:

kadokin, ASN, RN · Dec 11, 2005

I sometimes ask, but only because I'm always on the lookout for a good babysitter:lol2:

I have always assumed this is why people were asking me, b/c they had child-care issues themselves and were wondering how others coped w/it. But some people can be awfully hurtful when they say things such as "I don't care what I pay for child-care. My kids are important to me (as if mine weren't)", turns out this woman cheated on her husband and lost primary custody. I guess it wasn't as important as she made it out to be. I despise people who waste their energy making themselves look superior. :madface:

Marie_LPN, RN, LPN, RN · Dec 11, 2005

And Marie, BTW: In nursing you are VERY likely to have a coworking ask you "When the last time it was you had a BM?". :imbar

And one of the few instances where my reply would be "none of your **** business."

Kelly_the_Great · Dec 11, 2005

In nursing you are VERY likely to have a coworking ask you "When the last time it was you had a BM?". :imbar
Nurses say "crap" like that all the time to each other!:chuckle :rotfl:

Yep, any other profession, you can call in w/ diarrhea and it's a pretty good excuse (if you're just needin' a mental health day or whatever). You don't have to fake malaise, recovering sore throat, etc.

Not in nursing! They ask all about your stool, frequency, consistency, abd. pain, etc...lol

My mom was a nurse and growin' up I was so jealous of my friends who could just tell their moms they had diarrhea, stomach cramp, vomiting, etc. & get to stay home. Not my mom, if we said we had something like that, we better not flush the evidence b/c she wouldn't believe us (course me & my brother were bigtime liars too... :rolleyes: ). My bro even used my little sis's baby food green beans one time for his evidence!

Nursesdh · Dec 11, 2005

Why does it bother ANYONE if someone asks "who's watching your kids"?
Just curious.

As the father involved, when people ask my wife this question, what does that mean to me? It tells me that people don't think I am capable of caring for my children. These days there are more and more stay at home Dads as women are starting to get an equal pay scale (I know that men are still payed better, but for the life of me I can't figure out why) in our circumstances, my job allows me to stay home with the kids for a couple of years, while my wife has the opportunity to work on the career it took her 4 years of schooling (which we are still paying for) to achieve. I am a good parent, and just wish that society were such that it could be assumed that a father could possibly provide a nurturing home for his children, sure I still need my wife to provide some of that nurturing as well (no steryotype, women are really more nuturing!) It's a team-work thing, and I feel that I am not being recognized as part of the team by others.

Kelly_the_Great · Dec 11, 2005

As the father involved, when people ask my wife this question, what does that mean to me? It tells me that people don't think I am capable of caring for my children. These days there are more and more stay at home Dads as women are starting to get an equal pay scale (I know that men are still payed better, but for the life of me I can't figure out why) in our circumstances, my job allows me to stay home with the kids for a couple of years, while my wife has the opportunity to work on the career it took her 4 years of schooling (which we are still paying for) to achieve. I am a good parent, and just wish that society were such that it could be assumed that a father could possibly provide a nurturing home for his children, sure I still need my wife to provide some of that nurturing as well (no steryotype, women are really more nuturing!) It's a team-work thing, and I feel that I am not being recognized as part of the team by others.

First, let me say, Nursedh, I think you're doing a great thing and yours and your children's lives will be enriched b/c of it.

My husband is also the primary caregiver of our daughter. He is older than myself (though a lot more energetic...lol) and has been able to retire from the workforce. That being said, we also have a farm with a lot of livestock which requires constant work (a lot more than 40 hrs. a week).

We are so fortunate he is able to be home with our daughter after school, pick her up from school, take her to school, homework, at all of her school functions. Plus she gets exposed to so many things you just can't get at a daycare or with a sitter, you know?

It's sad though b/c I feel like most ppl do not see his contributions in our daughter's life to be as significant as it is. At the same time, I think ppl look at me as a neglectful mom b/c I can't always be at everything like the stay at home moms.

skislalom · Dec 11, 2005

I actually had a patient a few weeks back...we were discussing children...I have 4. I jokingly told him about all their accomplishments and that they were spoiled. He told me they couldn't possibly be spoiled because I was "here" instead of with them. HELLO, #1 they are all in school during the day, #2 my kids have NEVER been to daycare, my mother in law (who spoils them rotten and loves them to death) is their babysitter. I have a girl that comes over in the mornings to get them ready and drop them off at school...they've known her thier whole lives so, she's like family.

And Dad's that "babysit"...that has always been a pet peave of mine...they don't babysit any more than "I" do when I'm being thier mom!

~T