So who watches your kids while your here? I mean, do you really think they ask my dh as he delivers his mail, so who is watching your kids? NOOOOO!!! I don't make excuses for my career, I worked very, very hard to get my degree, it was not handed to me. I love my children, but being a nurse is as much part of my identity as being a mom. I love it, I never say, Ahhh man, I got to go to work. I enjoy being there. (This isn't to say that I don't enjoy my time off, lol) People just AMAZE me, my dh is a wonderful father. He makes them dinner every night, does Nicole's homework with her, gives bathes, does laundry, picks up etc....He is just as capable of taking care of our children as I am, yet I still get "the look" when I make a comment about having little ones. Then I get "so who is watching your children while your HERE?" I just want to say, Oh, nobody, I just leave them home with their doors shut in their rooms, they are fine:lol2:
As the father involved, when people ask my wife this question, what does that mean to me? It tells me that people don't think I am capable of caring for my children. These days there are more and more stay at home Dads as women are starting to get an equal pay scale (I know that men are still payed better, but for the life of me I can't figure out why) in our circumstances, my job allows me to stay home with the kids for a couple of years, while my wife has the opportunity to work on the career it took her 4 years of schooling (which we are still paying for) to achieve. I am a good parent, and just wish that society were such that it could be assumed that a father could possibly provide a nurturing home for his children, sure I still need my wife to provide some of that nurturing as well (no steryotype, women are really more nuturing!) It's a team-work thing, and I feel that I am not being recognized as part of the team by others.
EXACTLY MY POINT!!!!
My dh is a WONDERFUL father. He gets very offended when people ask if he is "babysitting today." "Nope, they are mine!" I don't care if someone is asking if they need a sitter because they are new in town or their kids are getting older and they are comfortable enough to go out for a night. I get upset when someone trys to make me feel less of a mother because I work. Shoot, I live in Northeast Ohio, I need a second job just to pay my heating bill this winter.
I am amazed that in 2005 people can still be so critical and judgemental of women who work outside the home. the days of joan cleaver are gone. I feel that most people work because they HAVE to, not because they want to. there are a few exceptions where some people work part time just to get out the house for a few hours, and usually those jobs are not as demanding as nursing. If i could be a stay-at-home mom for at least 2 years, i would, but i cannot afford it, even though my husband makes good money. I work 2 12's a week now that i have a new baby and it actually works out perfectly because i am still at home 5 days out the week and my mother in law or husband have the baby when i am working. after i had the baby sooo many of my coworkers were asking "are you going to still work full time?" "you are going to stay at home with your new baby aren't you?" "are you working because you need the benefits?". i realize that you cannot change the way people think, and IMHO a working mom can be just as great as a stay-at-home mother. In the end we all have to do what is best for our families.
Specializes in Specializes in L/D, newborn, GYN, LTC, Dialysis.
I guess I fail to see this as an offensive question-----maybe a MYOB thing, but why get so offended? Really, I see bigger fish to fry.
By the way, when I work, dh "watches" my kids---I work perdiem for a reason, to be able to work around the dh's schedule. Each of us has to find what works, really.
Specializes in Specializes in L/D, newborn, GYN, LTC, Dialysis.
I guess I did not see the sexism in this. I dont' get offended when asked this one. I don't imagine anyone asks my military dh who is watching our kids while he is at work. No one cares; they are not thinking about it....
And no one asks the female airmen this one. Maybe it's the military.
But probably not. In all the years I have been a nurse (and mom) I have never once been asked this question---except by non-supportive , totally inappropriately nosy family members. Never once has a coworker or stranger asked me this one; maybe that is why I can afford not to get upset (grin).
My kids are 14, 10, and 7 and I get worse looks when I say dh stays home with the kids while I work than the people who send their kids to daycare do. I get these looks of sympathy like "ooohh you're married to a bum. " I spend time defending him regularly. Yes he lost his job, but we're doing fine on my income and my kids don't have to go to daycare... they always have a parent at home for things like conferences and school plays and stuff and ballgames... this is a bad thing?? Come on people it is 2005 not 1905.... nothing wrong with the woman being the breadwinner.
i guess i did not see the sexism in this. i dont' get offended when asked this one. i don't imagine anyone asks my military dh who is watching our kids while he is at work. no one cares; they are not thinking about it....
oh my god!!! i love this thread. i meant to start it 5 1/2 yrs ago after i went back to work when my daughter was 6 months old.
i don't really see it as a sexist remark (but now i do, after reading this thread :chuckle ). it bothered me sooo much, especially because i did not want to be working full time with an infant. now, i can't wait to get out of the house :chuckle . i saw it as a judgement thing, especially made by those without kids, or those who started their careers when their kids were older, or put their careers on hold to have kids. oh, i hated it. i just don't see why it's anyone else's business. and i used to think the same as many of you "yeah, i left a line up of bottles and a litter box out for her". why do you ask?? unless, of course the person asking is looking for childcare for him/her own kid, and needs ideas. i've had that recently, but you can usually tell when that is the motive.
and my husband was not a babysitter either. as much as i can't stand him now, i'll give him that. because i always worked, he did more than babysitting, and got very offended when people said that.
Really, why do they need to know who is watching your kids? I honestly don't see how it's anyone's business, a decision made between you and your dh is YOUR business. No one elses. As long as they are properly taken care of, what does it matter.
I don't blame you for being sick of these questions. It must sound like fingernails on a blackboard every time you hear it.
ShayRN
1,046 Posts
EXACTLY MY POINT!!!!
My dh is a WONDERFUL father. He gets very offended when people ask if he is "babysitting today." "Nope, they are mine!" I don't care if someone is asking if they need a sitter because they are new in town or their kids are getting older and they are comfortable enough to go out for a night. I get upset when someone trys to make me feel less of a mother because I work. Shoot, I live in Northeast Ohio, I need a second job just to pay my heating bill this winter.