husband begrudgingly supportive

EmmaG, RN · Oct 4, 2007

Sorry, but "He goes so far as to tell me he doesn't think I can do it" isn't being supportive. Begrudgingly or otherwise.

It's up to you to decide whether to continue to put up with his abuse (yeah, this IS abusive).

GoldenLove · Oct 4, 2007

Oh wow. I would dump him. But that's just me! haha..ok all kidding aside, it will be a long road trying to go through this program and living with someone who is so negative because it is stressful enough. Never ever think that you can't do something!! I think him telling you that is pretty crappy, sorry to be so blunt but he is supposed to be your partner and supportive of you in everything you want to do in life. I can't imagine trying to keep you from doing something you really want to do. Maybe he is jealous or worried that it will take you away from him too much. I would try to talk to him and let him know that it is truly important to you and how important it is for him to be supportive. If he continues to belittle you..refer to my first sentence!!!! lol;)

Good luck sweetie. Don't give up your dream.

TheCommuter, BSN, RN · Oct 4, 2007

My friend had a husband who was unsupportive while she in school, and it was largely the result of their different upbringings. My friend grew up in a middle-class household that placed a high value on educational attainment, whereas her hubby was raised in the ghetto and did not see the point of going to school. In other words, their core value systems were clashing.

He bickered and moaned when she accrued student loan debt after graduating with a BS degree in a non-nursing major. He complained when she was accepted to a nursing program, and tried to talk her out of it unrelentlessly. He stated that he would much rather her do something more practical with her time such as "earn money" and "babysit the kid."

They recently divorced within the past few months, and her education has paid off tremendously. She can support herself and her child on a single income, and afford the comforts of a single family home and newer car. Imagine how life would have turned out if she listened to her hubby and stopped attending school. She would not have any job prospects without her schooling.

Sorry, but your husband is being unsupportive. Explain to him that this is what you want to do, and give clear reasons why. Also tell him that it will enrich your lives together.

allnurses Guide · Oct 4, 2007

In a situation like this, I think an appt. with a counselor is a good idea.

steph

RN_Pursuit2b · Oct 4, 2007

Thank you, you guys, I'm feeling a little more confident already.

He says he is my best friend and he's the only one who will be honest with me. He said if I go out and prove him wrong...all the better, but that still puts me on my own path. I'm forgetful in my current job because I get bored and lose focus and discipline, so he thinks I'll do that with nursing, which I will give him that, but when I volunteered at the E.R. I never forgot anything because I was awake, constantly moving, interested, challenged, and focused.

EmmaG, RN · Oct 4, 2007

He says he is my best friend and he's the only one who will be honest with me.

Big red flag.

In a situation like this, I think an appt. with a counselor is a good idea.

At the very least.

TheCommuter, BSN, RN · Oct 4, 2007

He says he is my best friend and he's the only one who will be honest with me.

Your husband is giving his honest opinion and assumption of your abilities, and is telling you what he opines that you cannot do. But you know what they say about assumptions: they make people look like asses in the long run when you prove them wrong.

In addition, other people are fully capable of being honest with you, not just the husband. I have a difficult time believing that everyone else in existence is a "yes person" who will simply tell you what you want to hear without your best interests in mind.

RN1989 · Oct 4, 2007

This has nothing to do with you going to nursing school. This has to do with your marriage. You need to work out your marriage before you can get on with nursing school and your life. What you have expressed in your post is the classic signs of an emotionally abused wife and this cycle frequently ends with actual domestic violence. Get your head on straight and start looking at it for what it really is. You will not be successful at any job if you continue to allow him to do this to you.

Sillynicunurse · Oct 4, 2007

I agree that there is more to this than him doubting your abilities in nursing school. I do know that if it had not been for the support of my husband I would not be looking at graduation in 4 months.

treysdaddy08 · Oct 4, 2007

I'm a guy, and I'll tell you what I would do...

I'd ***** slap his @$$! No joke! If nursing is your dream then you should go for it, and let no one stand in your way! If he really was your 'best friend' then he would be supporting you, helping you any way that he could. Not telling you that you couldn't do it. Counselling is a must. Honestly I would tell him (like I have told my gf), "This is something that I AM going to do. You can come with me, or you can leave. But I'm doing this with or without you. I prefer with you. But if you want us to stay together, I'm going to need your support. The next few years are going to be very difficult, and I will not be able to handle the nursing program w/o support from the people that are close to me." Good luck and let us know how it works out

nursekristy · Oct 4, 2007

Show that jerk you can do it!!

If nursing is what you want to do, go for it no matter what anyone thinks.

I'm not trying to be pessimistic but i've learned over the years that husbands (marriages) are not necessarily forever.

YOU TAKE CARE OF YOU!!!

Good luck