Hate The Habit - Not the Person

Nursing exposes us to many types of people. We can become jaded quickly against patient types we don’t like. We must remember the unlovely are deserving of our compassionate care. The next time you take care of a drug addict/alcoholic, remember that someone somewhere loves them just like you love your family. Nurses Announcements Archive Article

Hate The Habit - Not the Person

I recently moved to my dream location, one with layers of mountains, breathtaking sunrises, and gorgeous lakes and rivers. It is the perfect lifestyle for me and my family. I left a hospital that I had worked in for 23 years. I left best friends and co-workers that are precious family to me. The medium sized hospital served mostly insured patients. Many were elderly, many were extremely sick, on occasion there would be the drug seeker.

Contrasting that with the patients I see a lot of now is amazing. The hospital I work at is in a low income area Many patients are drug or alcohol addicts with little or no insurance. As a result, they often come in with advanced disease processes and habits that are difficult to treat. Forming opinions on these patients is easy, choosing not to is difficult.

The young pretty girl lying on the stretcher had bright blue eyes. I smile at her as I begin to hook her up to the heart monitor in preparation for an EGD. Looking closer I notice the dark circles under her eyes, scattered scabs, and the slightness of her frame.

"What kind of stomach problems have you been having?" I ask.

"I have pain right here," she points to her right lower abdomen.

I can't help but see the black, broken teeth common with methadone addicts. My heart hurts to see someone so young and pretty already showing such devastating signs of drugs. We all know and love someone that has addiction problems. I personally don't understand the quicksand of drugs and alcohol; I am afraid of drugs and am not a big drinker. Over the years I have learned to be grateful for my fear, it has kept me from some dangerous situations.

Often as nurses we become jaded concerning certain types of patients. It gets old pacifying the whiney 30 year old man who thinks just because he's in the hospital that his every whim needs to granted. Or the drug seeker who asks for pain medication as soon as they wake up from anesthesia. It makes me weary seeing the IV pole being walked out to the parking lot by a patient in a hospital gown even in winter just to smoke a cigarette.

One day a young man in his mid-twenties was rolled into my room for an EGD. Anesthesia began asking the token questions about drug use. He stated that he had used drugs in the past, but was drug free now and had been for three years. As I put the oxygen tubing in his nose and around his ears, I looked into his sweet face.

He looks like my son. Suddenly I can't breathe. I move over to the counter with my back to the room. Trying to muffle the uncontrollable wave of emotion that washed over me when I saw my son in the young man. The only problem was that my son is still in the tight grip of drugs. At the same time I was proud of my patient, my heart reminds me that it is still broken.

Sometimes when we push pain down deep, it surfaces when least expected. I love my son with all my heart. I want the best for him. At the same time, I can't be around him until he gets sober. That is what is best for me and my family.

I try to remember when I see patients come in that are addicts that they may have someone praying for them. Someone that loves them more than life itself, someone that hates the habit. They are people, people who have made bad decisions. Whether it is because of traumatic events in their life, terrible home life, or peer pressure; one bad decision led to another. I treat them the same, even if inside I, in my humanness judge them. I set aside my feelings, recognizing that it is not my job to change their lifestyle but to give compassionate nursing care.

Talking about my son is not easy. In fact, I am not sure even now it's the right thing to write about. Putting it in black and white makes it very public, leaving me vulnerable. I share this to say that as a nurse, I am not to judge people. I do not know their circumstances or the reasons behind their pain. I have to put aside my prejudice and treat them with respect deserving of all human beings.

Remember... the next time you are confronted with a patient that goes against your convictions, they have someone who loves them and wants them to get better.

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Brenda F. Johnson

About Brenda F. Johnson, MSN

Gastrointestinal Columnist
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Specializes in pediatric neurology and neurosurgery.

This brought tears to my eyes. (((Hugs))) So compassionately written, and a wonderful reminder to all of us that people with addictions are just that: people.

Sent from my iPhone using allnurses

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Specializes in PDN; Burn; Phone triage.

It's so... weird from this recovering alcoholic's perspective to read these sorts of posts. I am not entirely certain that addiction itself makes for unpleasant people except for acute, severe withdrawal. There are plenty of *******s in NA and AA with lots of sobriety. But that is probably controversial to say and I know these sorts of posts come from somewhere good and caring and sympathetic inside people.

I am sorry about your son.

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Specializes in ER.

I am really sick of serving the poor, drug using population. A good friend of mine just got two full urinals thrown at her by a meth head who didn't get his way. It only just dawned on her today that it might be a crime. It doesn't help that hospital administrations, and society in general, wants to excuse bad behavior instead of confront it. My friend is a sweet, kind person by the way.

My new job is in a more middle class area that's a tourist town. I'm ready for the change! I don't hate those people, but I'm fed up with them. Sorry about your son, I hope he finds his way out of his addiction.

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Specializes in Ortho.
I am really sick of serving the poor, drug using population. A good friend of mine just got two full urinals thrown at her by a meth head who didn't get his way. It only just dawned on her today that it might be a crime. It doesn't help that hospital administrations, and society in general, wants to excuse bad behavior instead of confront it. My friend is a sweet, kind person by the way.

My new job is in a more middle class area that's a tourist town. I'm ready for the change! I don't hate those people, but I'm fed up with them. Sorry about your son, I hope he finds his way out of his addiction.

It makes me wonder how your friend was behaving towards the patient. Yes, drug addicts can behave despicably. But so can judgmental nurses who act like the patient doesn't deserve care. I have seen that personally with my sister during her hospital visits. The look of disgust and disdain some of these people portray is just not right. I'm not saying your friend behaved this way. You mention that she is a sweet person so maybe she was totally respectful and the guy was just a jerk. Isn't that also true of sick people who are not addicted? Can't those people just be ugly too?

I realize it must be burdensome dealing with people who can't take any pain medicine except the kind that starts with D. I realize it must be frustrating dealing with the manipulative behaviors a drug addict engages in. I also realize that so many nurse claim to be giving total nonjudgmental care. I've seen too many nurses curl their lip when discussing a drug addict in room 122. I've seen too many nurses exhibit hurtful attitudes and comments while caring for a drug addict. The two realities just don't mesh.

I am but a lowly student. I really don't know jack. I may change my opinion in 10 years. Drug addicts deserve to be treated with the same respect as middle class patients. It doesn't matter if you're fed up with it or not.

To the OP, I really enjoyed your article.

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Specializes in Peds/outpatient FP,derm,allergy/private duty.

Brenda, thank you for your article and sharing your son's story. To be honest at first I was afraid it might be of the preachy type. "I've walked in those shoes" is a powerful message to me as I have shared from time to time here my dad had a very bad death in an ED after years of alcoholic drinking and status/post porta-caval shunt surgery 12 years prior. He looked like a bum I am sure.

I was not in the same state at the time, and I had lots of questions about what happened. I was somehow able to talk to a nurse who was there that night, and she just let me ask and talk and vent and choke up as long as I needed to. Her voice was kind and that is what I remember from it.

Does that mean I don't get fed up, impatient, irritated or suspicious when somebody is drug-seeking and running a line of BS?

Not at all. Both things exist quite comfortably in my psyche

So never in a million years would I wonder what the nurse did to provoke someone to throw two full urinals at him or her.

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It amazes me how just because you are in the middle class of town you won't have the same issues. Middle class soccer moms are the leaders in heroin addicts even more now that it's harder to get opiates. To judge the "poor" as the main "addicts" is ignorant. Addiction knows no class of people it happens everyday to good working people and a lot of nurses like yourself. That's why it's so hard to get help and very few addicts recover people like yourself who apparently forgot why you became a nurse to begin with. My mother was a Rn for almost 20yrs. She was also an addict and last year drank antifreeze and died due to depression that progressed over the years because of the stressful physical and emotional rollercoaster ride being a nurse can take it's toll over the years. So Lord forbid you should be in a wreck on the way home and prescribed meds that before you csatch it your already dependent. Hope you don't end up losing your insurance when they fire you after you can no longer function without those little pills and your husband leaves your family shuns you and guess what then? Satan has you right where he wants you. Alone with nothing but these little white pils that turned on you and you don't seek help out of embarrassment and humiliation from your nursing peers with the same views you once had. Now what?

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I try to remember that addiction is a disease process and not a character defect. It is not a "habit" it is a disease of addiction. And one of the main symptoms of addiction is the use of drugs, alcohol, gambling, sex, eating, cigarettes....lots of devastating things that impact lives.

One will always be an addict if they have the disease. That symptoms are managed is being sober, straight, not partaking in what causes an acute episode.

The stigma needs to be lifted from those who have the disease of addiction.

And as I have shared before, I have seen multi-millionaires crawling in their own vomit to suck on ETOH swabs. Much as I have seen pillars of the soccer/school parent circle with a "little wine and Xanax issue" just as often as a homeless person collecting cans to feed their addiction, and a low income person who has 6 kids in tow who makes meth in the basement. My own beloved Gramma, who at 83 we were picking percocets out of the tissue in her sweater sleeve, with her screaming "don't TOUCH those, they are mine!!!!!"

I can say that I always had a hard time with addicts (of any variety) who have kids, in the thought process of you can be as invested in your addiction process as you want, but just don't drag your kids into it. That situation makes my heart sad. And after being a nurse for years, the only thing I constantly work on. It is a work in progress for me. For many nurses, as we seem to go into that "I need to fix it, come up with a plan for it..."

With all that being said--the best thing anyone who loves someone who has a disease process that is affecting their lives there is a number of support groups. Some can be online, in person....

If you need to make sense of your life due to another's addiction, I strongly suggest getting support for you. Even as nurses, we all want to figure it out, come up with a plan, encourage compliance....and it gets exhausting. But if it is someone you love, even more so. You can't control someone else, only your reaction to it. Just as an addict can't control their disease, only the symptoms of it.

OP, I pray that your baby boy finds peace and joy beyond his disease. And you find what you need to cope in a way that works for you and your family.

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It makes me wonder how your friend was behaving towards the patient. Yes, drug addicts can behave despicably. But so can judgmental nurses who act like the patient doesn't deserve care. I have seen that personally with my sister during her hospital visits. The look of disgust and disdain some of these people portray is just not right. I'm not saying your friend behaved this way. You mention that she is a sweet person so maybe she was totally respectful and the guy was just a jerk. Isn't that also true of sick people who are not addicted? Can't those people just be ugly too?

I realize it must be burdensome dealing with people who can't take any pain medicine except the kind that starts with D. I realize it must be frustrating dealing with the manipulative behaviors a drug addict engages in. I also realize that so many nurse claim to be giving total nonjudgmental care. I've seen too many nurses curl their lip when discussing a drug addict in room 122. I've seen too many nurses exhibit hurtful attitudes and comments while caring for a drug addict. The two realities just don't mesh.

I am but a lowly student. I really don't know jack. I may change my opinion in 10 years. Drug addicts deserve to be treated with the same respect as middle class patients. It doesn't matter if you're fed up with it or not.

To the OP, I really enjoyed your article.

There's really no excuse for throwing urine at another person...

Of course, I've taken care of non-addicts who were incredibly rude, and I've taken care of drug addicts who are perfectly pleasant, reasonable people. But the only people who have ever gotten violent with me or threatened my safety have been addicts (or schizophrenic).

Even if that nurse walked in the room giving the patient obviously dirty looks, that patient still should have been arrested.

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Specializes in Nephrology, Cardiology, ER, ICU.

Great article!

Thanks

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Specializes in Ortho.
There's really no excuse for throwing urine at another person...

Of course, I've taken care of non-addicts who were incredibly rude, and I've taken care of drug addicts who are perfectly pleasant, reasonable people. But the only people who have ever gotten violent with me or threatened my safety have been addicts (or schizophrenic).

Even if that nurse walked in the room giving the patient obviously dirty looks, that patient still should have been arrested.

I definitely agree it was terrible behavior and people don't deserve to be treated that way for any reason.

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I work primarily with addicts in a home health setting and just like there are sober people who are jerks and sober people who are lovely, there are addicts who are jerks and addicts who are lovely. Addiction doesn't just come out of nowhere. Nobody just decides to become a heroin addict for funsies. Usually by the time any of us get a hold of them, they've survived childhood trauma, struggled to survive and been rejected, alienated and (quietly or not) judged by every other health care provider they've encountered. So I'm never surprised if they have mean things to say to me. If I'd lived through all of that I might have mean things to say too.

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