Fear vs Gut instinct...need advice...

[hoolahan]

Here is my dilemma. I left my worker's comp case management job in January b/c I could not take the traveling, esp to unsafe cities at night, etc...

Since I had never resigned my Home Health job, I was able to simply go back to doing per diem. Since I have been back working in the HH job, the nurses got a $4/hr raise, and per diem rate went up to $30/hr weekdays and $36/he weekends. They also made an effort to streamline the admit paperwork AND we now never get more than 6 visits a day. HUGE changes.

I am still not happy to be back. This is why. I admit it I would like to someday not be a staff nurse. But, I am pretty sure, b/c of my outspokeness, I will never be considered for anything but a staff nurse position here. So, if I stay I know it will be for that reason. I do not want to do management, but I would love to do nursing ed in HH or quality, and would be happy to make some visits w nurses or to even carry a small case load of HHA sups or something that only an RN can do, chronic cases that would be easy to case manage while doing another job. But, like I said, it ain't gonna happen where I am.

So, I went on an exhaustive job search. Got an offer, and now, the week before I start, I am having these huge feelings of trepidation. I have job hopped quite a bit, and I can't explain this. I can't say it is about the job, it is more like I shouldn't do this b/c something bad will happen w my kids if I do. MY new job is 35 min from home, 8a to 6p 4 days a week, no w/e no holidays, no nights. But, there is this nagging feeling that I will lose all control of my teenage dtr if I go through with this job. They would get home from school at 3:30 and my hubby gets home at 4pm, but next yr she will be in HS and get done at 2:30, and hour-and-a-half is plenty of time to get itno trouble when you are 14 (And God help me if she is anything like I was at her age...let's just say I was no angel and leave it at that!)

Of course, the article in the paper my hubby pointed out to me this week did NOT help. Some perve is parking his truck near to the bus stops for my dtr's school and is taking pics of the teen girls. Nothing else, just pics, but I mean isn';t that creepy??? Scared the shyt outta me it did. Now I worry iif I am not here, will someone abduct her on the way home?? I have always been a severe worry wort when it comes to the kids. I hope someday I will be able to stop worrying about them to the degree that I do now.

Anyway, I have a hard decision to make and have to do it in the next 24 hrs. Do I go w the job or not?

I am leaning towards not. I mean as much as this present job has me totally depressed and feeling like I am trapped forever due to my kids or more specifically my dtr's shananigans, I have to admit, it is sooooooo flexible. I can be here when they get home from school, I can be done w my last visit by 2pm mpst days and go straight to the supermarket, then do my charting later.

And last but not least, my sweet doggie won't have to learn to hold her bladder for eight straight hours and be at the mercy of two teenagers who couldn't care less how long she has been holding it. Plus in the summer, I can check in w the brats often for suprise inspections or just work weekends 12 hours again.

Am I nuts to give up this opportunity? I just need to hear I am not being foolishly overprotective.

I discussed it w my husband, and he just says, You have to do whatever you think you need to do. Sweet, but not much help. Something to the effcetc of Oh I am sooo glad you decided that ,would be helpful, or WHAT? Go for it hon, I'll take care of the kids issues (Yeah, I know I am dreaming now!)

OMG, I can't believe I am thinking of passing up this great job w free health bennies and UNLIMITED tuition reimbursement. Help!!

Is this just a fear of change? Or do I go w my gut which is screaming this is not going to work! ???

[renerian, BSN, RN]

Hoolahan good luck with your decision. Let us know what you decide.

renerian

[researchrabbit]

If your gut says no, then you should probably go with your gut. :)

[Agnus]

Put your own peace of mind and your family first. Better jobs will be there later when you are ready.

I remember how long it seems until your kids will be on thier own. But really it is not long at all. The jobs will always be there. Your daughter NEEDs your attention NOW not in 4 years.

As you suggested a lot can happen in a few hours. She will not always need you this much but she does now. You are a smart Cookie you know you do need to follow your gut and not the job at this time.

The sad thing is not enough parents undersand that our teens need their parents more than ever as you do.

[OBNURSEHEATHER]

Hoolahan.... just got to this thread today. I gotta say, I'm a gut feeling kind of girl, and agree that your family and your feelings about them would come first.

The way I look at it, you can job hope for another10, 20, 30 years (cause I know you have it in you!), but that family is irreplacable.

It's not the daughter having alone time that bothers me, because I think that kids DO need time alone, to test the waters, and to sometimes get in a little trouble to learn a lesson about responsibility. What bothers me is how far away you'll be if something should happen.

Good luck hool, keep us updated!

Heather

[night owl]

The well being and safety of our children must come first in this day and age, but that's just my opinion. I too have a daughter that will be in high school next year and the next three after that. When she goes off to college, I'll still worry about her, but for now she's mine and I intend to haunt her until she goes. I am responsible for her. She is the only daughter I have and I wanna keep her for a long, long time. I am her mother. I will always be her mother and I'll guide her for as long as she lets me. Some days she hates me, some days she just loves me to death.(Usually when she wants something) BUT on the other hand you have to let her crawl before she can walk. She learns to crawl and then she learns to walk. It's the running that makes me nervous. She falls and you help her up. Eventually she learns to be cautious, but only with your help of picking her up a few times, brushing her off and letting her go once again. The great and wonderful jobs will be there in a few years when you're ready to let her go on her own, but for now she's yours. Guide her, protect her and cherish her even if and when she makes those mistakes. Oh, and you're not being the over protective fool like I am! After all, isn't that our job? Don't I sound like an old sap??? Now I know I AM MY MOTHER!

[Momto3RN, RN]

Hoolahan, your gut feeling is significant!

My mom had to work while I was a teenager and how I wish she could have been home. I would've avoided so much trouble and made MUCH better choices!

I know it's not glamorous to be home but it really is the best thing you can do for your children, ESPECIALLY during the teen years!! Just your presence will have a significant impact on their lives!

[P_RN, ADN, RN]

Hoolahan.....this old Mama here wishes her gut feeling had prevailed. I worked the whole teen years of both my children.

Our girl did fine, our boy.......almost/could have/might have etc. had terrible outcomes........I should have stayed home.

Stay where you are needed.

[Q.]

Hi Linda,

Just saw this thread today. Been postin' elsewhere, you know.

Anyway, I'm not a parent and can't relate to those issues, but I can relate to the hesitation with accepting a job, and the nagging feeling that if you don't, you'll miss on some great opportunity.

That "opportunity" that I also didn't want to pass up, besides feeling unsure about taking it - was my current job - that I am in now and desperately want to get out of.

As you know, I've been a professional interviewee now for the last 7 months of my life. I've job hopped as well for various reasons - pay, hours, safety issues, etc. But the last time I felt "unsure" about taking a leap was with this job and....I hate it and almost in a way regret it.

The hours are flexiblel and it's a great experience, but my gut instinct proved me right in the end.

If I could do it over again, I would have passed on this job, stuck it out at my old place and waited until my "perfect" or near perfect job came about - rather than adding yet another employer to my already long list.

[OBNURSEHEATHER]

Originally posted by Susy K

As you know, I've been a professional interviewee now for the last 7 months of my life.

Oh, now that's just too funny!

[ktwlpn, LPN]

Originally posted by hoolahan

[MY new job is 35 min from home, 8a to 6p 4 days a week, no w/e no holidays, no nights. But, there is this nagging feeling that I will lose all control of my teenage dtr if I go through with this job. They would get home from school at 3:30 and my hubby gets home at 4pm, but next yr she will be in HS and get done at 2:30, and hour-and-a-half is plenty of time to get itno trouble when you are 14 (And God help me if she is anything like I was at her age...let's just say I was no angel and leave it at that!) Am I nuts?

Not nuts at all IMHO-you are putting the welfare of your daughter first.Unless you can find some kind of aftershool program for teens that she'll agree to I don't see that you really have any other choice...Teenagers get knocked up and doped up between the hours of 2 and 6 at an alarming rate.I turned down an Monday through Friday 9 to 5 position for the same reason...

[Agnus]

Yep those are precisly the hours a good friend's daughter got a belly full. I was unfortunately the one who caught her in the act.

Could I do anything. NO I was "not her mother." Of course my friend did do something when he found out from me, but by that time it was too late.

[hoolahan, ASN, RN]

ktwlpn, I will always have that commercial in my head about the peak time for drug abuse in teens is between the hours of 2 and 6pm.

Oh man, it killed me, but I turned down the excellent job!! I am soooooo freaking sick of working weekends, but oh well. I can work 12 hr weekends in the summer, and a parent will be home w them every day!

I also have an interview w a very small workers comp cm company, and I can do some per diem work during the school year, so at least I won't feel so stuck in my present HH job.

AND Shelby won't need a foley (the dog)

Thanks to everyone for all of your support and opinions, it really did help.