Fear vs Gut instinct...need advice...

bargainhound, RN · Feb 24, 2003

Family first sounds wise at this stage of your family.

frannybee · Feb 24, 2003

In my experience, if every bone in your body is screaming that it's wrong, then you're not going to be happy or productive in your new post, even allowing for initial fear of change.

**BUT**

You don't know that your daughter is going to get in trouble. You say you don't feel safe travelling at night, and fearing for your safety is a valid enough reason in itself to look to the new job.

I can't offer any serious advice - I don't have kids to worry about for a start - but personally I would be doing my best not to burn bridges while I started my new job.

Speaking as someone whose sister went off the rails at 10 when we were still going to after-school care (solvent and butane abuse, smoking, underage sex, the works), you being home is not necessarily going to prevent trouble if it is going to happen at all. Having you there on weekends, at Christmas, at Thanksgiving etc is going to do more to keep her under control than you being tired, grumpy and scared but at home for 1 1/2 hrs a day during the week. Not least of all, free health benefits and reimbursement for tuition is good for your career AND your family.

Sorry if that's not what you were after....it's a really difficult situation to be in and I feel for you.

renerian, BSN, RN · Feb 24, 2003

Hoolahan let me say you have my TOTAL SYMPATHY. I have two kids that were cake to raise and three stepkids that have been hell to raise. You name it they have done it. I think kids need more monitoring when they are teenagers and they do get into trouble alot from poor decision making. I know you have to do what is right in your gut. For me I opted to be home. Now some days I hate it because it is pure hell with these stepkids. They make my life miserable. My gut says stay where you are and keep looking. I got this job in sales. I work from my home. I have some road time but I am here in case trouble erupts most of the time. She may want you gone. What does your hubby think?

renerian

KP RN · Feb 24, 2003

Your home health position seems ideal for many reasons. I think it's great that you got a pay increase! You are also familiar with the agency. You can't beat the hours, and you can still devote time to the family.

As far as that weirdo guy photographing teenage girls--how CREEPY is that!! I wouldn't feel comfortable if I worked so far away, and the daughter will be unsupervised for too long a time.

Hoolie, do you think you can just suck it in for a while and stay with home health?? Perhaps you can discuss with your boss your desire to do nursing inservices/education?? Can you get a special certificate like a diabetic educator, or take some ET classes?? Then you will have even more to offer the nursing staff in the way of education.

Good luck!

litepath · Feb 24, 2003

hoolahan

You mention next year. Look at your concerns over today.

1. Pervey near school: You want to check this out no matter what you decide, right?

2. Husband sweet but not really participating in the change. Your happyness might well improve both of your' happyness..Ask him to participate in the change with you. Also maybe make little contracts with your kidz to aid mommies sanity.

3. If the new and exciting job turns into a bore, you can probably find something else?!

4. Is it possible to ask your supervisor or higher ups what you can do to be considered for the position you'd like at the HH place?

Just thoughts...Good luck!!

Purple_RN · Feb 24, 2003

Hi,

You have a tough decision to make. Ultimately you need to choose what is best for both you and your family. However, you stated that your husband gets home a 1/2 hour after your daughter right now, but once she gets to high school she will have a hour and a half without supervision - correct me if I am wrong. Now I don't know what problems you are having with your daughter and yes a hour and half can be a long time for a child to be left alone, but on the otherhand you can't possibly be with your child 24/7 especially at the age of 14 when they are beginning to become more and more independent. I have a friend I met in high school whose parents were constantly on her - watching what she does and you know what she still snuck around and did things her parents wouldn't approve of. I don't know if not taking the new job will solve your problems with your daughter, but it will probably give you more peace of mind. However, don't forget about taking care of yourself. Afterall, you deserve to have a job you enjoy. Your daughter is going through those lovely teenage years we have all experienced and made it through. If you can write a pros/cons list of the two jobs and see which one outweighs the other on the pros list go for that job. Good luck on your decision and keep me posted on your decision. New jobs can be overwhelming, but at the same time a new job might be good for you especially if you dread your current job.

Best Wishes,

Purple_RN

whipping girl in 07, RN · Feb 24, 2003

As a mom, I have to say that if your gut is screaming no, then you'd better not do it. It won't be long before your kids are grown and gone and then you can do whatever you want careerwise.

The cop-out answer your husband gave you sounds exactly like my husband, but I bet he just doesn't want to tell you what to do and then have it thrown back in his face in six months if things aren't working out (something I've been known to do to my DH ).

As a teenager (hey, it's only been 9 years, I still remember a little), I know that I probably would have gotten in more trouble if my mom and dad weren't home in the afternoons when I got out of school. I got in enough as it was.

Good luck whatever you decide.

Scarlette · Feb 24, 2003

Take the job that will make you the happiest, and if that's the one that will leave your dtr home alone for 1 1/2 hours, then maybe try to make arrangements for her to go home with a friend after school. If you're worried about her getting into trouble, maybe try to make arrangements for her to go home with a friend that has a stay at home parent.

The job that has no holidays, weekends, ect. sounds pretty darn good. I think she'll appreciate the fact that you have that time home with her.

As far as your dog, do you have a neighbor that you trust that can come over a couple times a day to let him outside for potty breaks? You can even look into a doggie daycare type thing. I know it sounds silly, but a friend of mine had a dog that couldn't hold his bladder and doggie day care made a world of difference! :chuckle

The bottom line, do what makes you and your family the happiest. Good luck in whatever decision you make!

kids · Feb 24, 2003

Originally posted by konni
As a mom, I have to say that if your gut is screaming no, then you'd better not do it. It won't be long before your kids are grown and gone and then you can do whatever you want careerwise.

The cop-out answer your husband gave you sounds exactly like my husband, but I bet he just doesn't want to tell you what to do and then have it thrown back in his face in six months if things aren't working out (something I've been known to do to my DH ).

As a teenager (hey, it's only been 9 years, I still remember a little), I know that I probably would have gotten in more trouble if my mom and dad weren't home in the afternoons when I got out of school. I got in enough as it was.

Good luck whatever you decide.

Ditto what Konni said.

(but 1 1/2 hours wouldn't have been enough time for me to get in serious trouble, I had an hours worth of chores that had to be done before I even got to breathe fresh air again)

Katnip, RN · Feb 24, 2003

Hoolahan, you aren't nuts.

As a mom of teens, you have my sympathy. I know just how much trouble they can get into. As kids get older, they need more, not less supervision. It's unfortunate there aren't many after school programs for teens. It's true, being there might not keep her from getting into trouble, I have a feeling you're like me and would manage to blame yourself if you weren't there.

As for your home health job, maybe they would give you an educaitonal position. Have you actually talked to the powers that be about it? You never know. Maybe they'll think it would keep you out of their hair.

If nothing else, you might be able to keep looking. The perfect job just might not have presented itself yet.

hoolahan, ASN, RN · Feb 25, 2003

I have applied for three diff positions there, but due to old water under the bridge issues w DON, she all but said it wouldn't happen. Maybe I'll start my own freaking agency! LOL!

I am so happy to see so many diff opinions. It has given me a lot to think about.

Yes, you are all right about not being able to watch my dtr 24/7. I guess it is some of the sneaky things I did that make me worry. I disctinctly remember my friend and I practicing ur smoking the hour before mom got home. One day she got off early, and I was so startled, in my haste to spray perfume to ocver the smoke smell, I sprayed perfum right into my eye! :rotfl: For me it was smokes, but it could be alcohol, boys, or whatever, esp the boys I worry about. Fortunately, she seems to have her head on pretty straight, but one wrong kid in the pic and that could all change.

I think it was the pervert that put me over the edge, b/c yes I would never forgive myself if anything happened to her and I think I cold've prevented it. I know, I am a drama queen, maybe that is where she gets it from after all!

I did get a call from a woman who has her own Case man biz and she was interested in me doing per diem telephonic CM from home, but I wanted a new FT job, but now maybe I'll call her back and see if she is still looking, and do the HH.

KP, you read my mind!! I was thinking just as I was cooking dinner that if I did the wocn cert, and I do enjoy wound care, maybe I could negotiate something better at work, and carve out a better spot for myself, if not there, then as a consultant at other local agencies. Only thing is not tuition w per diem work, Oh well, I'll just have to work a little extra!!