Does he have schizophrenia?

[nisha321]

I am 37 years old and divorced. Recently I met a man who is a divorcee too through a marriage media. He seemed really nice and smart and my mother liked him too. He told me that he was doing some great work with twitter and that even Lady Gaga follows him. We exchanged numbers and we started talking, I helped him get more followers on twitter and encourage him with his music and he was very grateful to me because of all the help and encouragement. He said it didn't work with his earlier wife because she did not encourage him. But as I continued talking to him, he started saying things that didn't sound normal. Some of them were that he believed he would never age, he even twitted about it and he challenged many people regarding this, one day he would become very famous, he came up with a theory that he called the universal combination of numbers and that it was something extraordinary, etc. etc. However, I didn't take it that seriously but still called it off because I felt he was just using me to promote his work, and wasn't serious about settling down. After a month he contacted me and told me that he loved me. In the meantime he also quit his job. But I always had a feeling that he had a child from his earlier marriage and I asked him about it and he said he had a five year old son. I was okay with that. He was suffering from muscle pull that he got at the gym, and I took him to the doctor, where I discovered his actual name. I visited his apartment, and it was very neat and clean and organized, not at all what I was expecting a bachelor's apartment to be like. But last night as I was talking to him, he started sounding crazy again. He said he was going to be the Prime Minister of the country, he was disappointed that after having made such great tweets giving suggestions to the Australian cricket team he never got a call from the cricket board, and that it was a controversy because people were jealous of him. He is not in a good relationship with his mother because she is not handing him over his property, and the one other thing that struck me was that he isn't allowed to speak to his son, but his mother is allowed to spend time with her grandson. And when his mother spends time with her grandson, she doesn't call him over. I asked him if he ever had to see a psychiatrist, and he said that he was taken to doctors since he was a kid, and apparently he had some hormone secretion that made him too ambitious. He was on medication for a long time, but now he doesn't take his medication. I am still not sure if he is trying to sound crazy on purpose to scare me off so he doesn't have to settle down, but still wants to keep me by his side so I would help promote his twitter. I was annoyed and deleted my twitter account and he was really hurt and asked me to open another one. When I wanted to call it off he said I was making a mistake because I wouldn't find another guy who was as great as he was. I was about to tell him that I may be willing to commit if he were willing to do certain things (l was about to say see a doctor and take medication) but he cut me short saying that he'd call me back, but he didn't. He doesn't want to get into serious talk about us. Now my question is, does he have schizophrenia or something or is he just playing with me? Thanks

[Luckyyou, BSN, RN]

There is so much going on here that I can't even think of what to say. We cannot offer medical advice here, but I urge you to re-read what you wrote here and notice the huge red flags that are waving at you (a hormone secretion making him too ambitious? really?)

Plus, Lady Gaga follows like 130k people on Twitter.

[macawake, MSN]

As previous poster said, we can't offer medical advice. Even if we were allowed though, it's not possible to diagnose based solely on someone's description of a person's behavior.

Obviously you have doubts, or you wouldn't have started an account here and posted your question.

This is my take on your situation:

+

* Has a neat and clean apartment.

-

* Has lead you to ask for advice on an online forum.

* Says the reason for his divorce is that his wife "did not encourage him". (How was he as a husband and as a father? What would his ex-wife say?)

* Omitted to tell you that he has a son, until you specifically asked him about this.

* Isn't allowed to have contact with his son.

* Doesn't have a good relationship with his mother because "she isn't handing over his property". (What does this even mean? What property? Just like with the "wife didn't encourage him", it sounds like everyting that's wrong is someone else's fault and that he has no ownership.

* Wasn't truthful about his real name, you found out at the doctor's appointment.

* Despite being a relatively new relationship you've already been through teenage-like drama of closing a twitter account and the subsequent pleading of the opening of another one.

* According to you he has on several times said things that sound "crazy". (I do agree that the things he has said are really odd).

* Doesn't want to "get into serious talk" about your relationship.

* Has told you when you tried to end your relationship that you were "making a mistake because you wouldn't find another guy who's as great as he is". (To me that's a huge red flag. Not only does he seem to have an elevated opinion of himself but he's putting you down when telling you that you don't have the ability to find another man. It's disrespectful and even if I have no way of knowing about this man, it's a line often used by abusive men).

* Has quit his job. (This could go under the + column if he's found another better job or under the neutral column if he's independently wealthy and doesn't need a job to support himself. However, I suspect that that's not the case).

* The condition he told you about "hormone secretion" leading to making him "more ambitious" doesn't match any illness/condition that I know of. Did he give you any futher details? (Even if I might have an idea about what this could be, it's against TOS and I don't think my speculations about what specific condition it might be has a bearing on your decision).

At the end of the day, does it really matter if his behavior is due to an untreated medical condition or if "he's trying to sound crazy on purpose to scare you off"? Does this relationship make you happy? Has your experience so far with this man instilled confidence in you that you have a good chance of achieving a healthy, stable and rewarding relationship with him?

In my opinion if this is an untreated medical condition, your love isn't going to fix it/cure him. He'd needs to get professional help to get his life under control before he'd be ready to enter into a relationship.

You deserve to be in a good relationship, you deserve happiness.

[Silverdragon102, BSN]

This is something that can not be diagnosed over the internet.

By the sounds of things you are better without him

[Jules A, MSN]

As others have said we can't comment on what boyfriend's issues might be but OMG are you kidding me? There are so many red flags that it was almost painful to continue reading. Please don't take this as an insult but I'd urge you to consider counseling. A therapist can assist you to explore why a relationship of this type would even be an option for you. What would you tell your best girlfriend if she presented this dude's bio to you?

[Rose_Queen, BSN, MSN, RN]

Impossible to diagnose over the internet, but so many red flags here it's not funny. You should probably really distance yourself from this person before it's too late. I have a coworker going through something similar right now- met a guy from an online dating site who pushed for a relationship far too fast. Turns out that he isn't the shining star he made himself out to be- changed his name, but only a little so that they were able to find his old arrest records (assaulting and holding at gunpoint several ex-girlfriends and his ex-wife). At this point, she's too afraid to stay in her own home because of what's going on. Has been to the police, who told her to tell him to never contact her again and that if he does, a restraining order will be filed; call 911 immediately if he shows up at her house. It's serious business, and a situation like that and yours is not something to be taken lightly. Don't let it get to the point you end up in a bad situation.

[nisha321]

As others have said we can't comment on what boyfriend's issues might be but OMG are you kidding me? There are so many red flags that it was almost painful to continue reading. Please don't take this as an insult but I'd urge you to consider counseling. A therapist can assist you to explore why a relationship of this type would even be an option for you. What would you tell your best girlfriend if she presented this dude's bio to you?

I just feel that if he is sick, it's not his fault. I omitted the good things because what I really want to know is if it is schizophrenia or some other mental disease that can be cured. Does his symptoms match that of a patient suffering from schizophrenia? A link would be very helpful. Thanks

[nisha321]

The condition he told you about "hormone secretion" leading to making him "more ambitious" doesn't match any illness/condition that I know of. Did he give you any futher details? (Even if I might have an idea about what this could be, it's against TOS and I don't think my speculations about what specific condition it might be has a bearing on your decision).

Thank you very much. I am just curious if his symptoms match that of a person suffering from schizophrenia and hence made the post. I thought the details would help but didn't realize that it would seem like a boyfriend issue. As for your speculations about what specific condition it might be, could you provide me a link? If that is not against TOS, it would be very helpful. Thanks

[Jules A, MSN]

I just feel that if he is sick, it's not his fault. I omitted the good things because what I really want to know is if it is schizophrenia or some other mental disease that can be cured. Does his symptoms match that of a patient suffering from schizophrenia? A link would be very helpful. Thanks

Are you a nurse? I just figured you were but now it seems unlikely. As we have said we aren't going to offer suggestions on anyone's possible diagnosis. Whether it is his fault or not is irrelevant and fwiw Schizophrenia can not be "cured.

Seriously are you so desperate for a relationship that this is the kind of situation you are willing to settle for? Only you can answer that.

[elkpark]

Regardless of what formal psychiatric condition he might or might not have, if he's making you this uncomfortable, trust your gut and give him a pass. It's true that "if he's sick, it's not his fault," but that doesn't make it any easier to have a satisfying relationship with him.

If you're really curious about symptoms of schizophrenia, there are tons of websites that can provide you with information.

[heron, ASN, RN]

OP, I have to agree with all previous posters about the abundance of red flags in your description.

Kudos to you for wanting to understand what's going on with him, but a medical diagnosis and all the understanding in the world isn't going to change his behavior unless he wants to change.

If it's really ok with you to be treated the way you describe, then have at it - you're a grownup and get to make your own choices. You're the only one who knows if the good we don't know about is worth the risks we're seeing from the outside.

Ask yourself whether you are prepared to stay with this guy as he is now - with no guarantee that he will ever change ... or do you secretly think that if you're a good enough girlfriend, your love, understanding and commitment will make him better?

As a lifelong fixer, I can tell you that acting on my rescue fantasies never turned out well. I'm talking emotional, financial and physical badness. I do not recommend it.

As you explore the Internet for info mental illness, look also for resources for those in relationships with mentally ill people ... It might help.

[roser13, ASN, RN]

Thank you very much. I am just curious if his symptoms match that of a person suffering from schizophrenia and hence made the post. I thought the details would help but didn't realize that it would seem like a boyfriend issue. As for your speculations about what specific condition it might be, could you provide me a link? If that is not against TOS, it would be very helpful. Thanks

I don't think you're taking in what you're being told. Either that or you're choosing not to. You've asked for advice and you are receiving it: There are so many red flags here that you should likely fear for your personal safety. You've even been given a example of a similar situation that turned dangerous.

It is not up to us (or YOU, for that matter) to diagnose anyone. You really do need to stop trying to figure him out and start making steps to dissociate and move away from the situation. I hope you're listening.